A Run Gone Horribly Wrong

Last November 1st I was on a run to get training miles in. It was nine to ten in the morning. I was hurrying so that I could make it home in time for church and then we had plans for the evening. It was the only time I could get the miles in that day. But it ended very differently than planned.

Not too far from my house is a irrigation canal and horse path. I've run that trail for years. It was on this run, I understood just how vulnerable I am when running alone.

A man in his mid-to-late twenties jumped out of the bushes on the other side of the canal and hurried over to the low end of the water. He jumped over that part of the canal and ran up the embankment and began to chase me.

When I saw him jump from the bushes and hurry out of them, I picked up my pace. I immediately felt in danger. That was the fastest I ever ever run in my life!

I felt certain that if I ran and never looked back, I would be safe. I knew that if I saved my breath for the running, I wouldn't slow down; I would have enough air to keep my pace and increase evermore.

Nearing the end of the path I could see an elderly woman coming our way. She was moving in such a way that I knew she was not in an physical condition to walk any faster, let alone flee for her life. I yelled with all I had in me, "Stop! Turn around! It's not safe!"

She did turn around and headed toward the street which was not too far away by then. I knew that there was no way she could increase her speed. Knowing this, I knew I would have to stop and say with her. There was no way I would leave her there alone.

As I drew closer to her I yelled, "Is he still behind me?" She yelled back that he wasn't and that he'd recently jumped back in the bushes. As I got closer to the lady I stopped and walked her pace with her and before long we were back on the main road.

Her home was nearby, so I walked her home. We then called the police and made a report. To my knowledge the man was never caught.

I am blessed to have made it out of that situation, however I didn't escape injury free. I ran so hard, so fast, and for so long that once the adrenaline dissipated I was in horrible pain in my left foot.

Over the following weeks and months, I had gone to urgent care a couple of times. I was told repeatedly that I simply had inflamed soft tissue in my foot and that the pain would subside after a few weeks. The doctors didn't see anything in my x-rays that would suggest otherwise.

So I reduced my activity (which is aggravating to do as a personal trainer and group exercise instructor). But every time I resumed activity my foot would hurt.

By the time early February came I got another x-ray and then sent the image to my podiatrist brother-in-law, who lives in another state. I told him the story and about the pain and asked him what more I could do.

He responded by saying, the doctors just aren't x-raying from he correct angle and that it is a common miss from non-specialists. But that he could see the distal end of the first metatarsal was definitely broken (joint of the big toe) and more.

I was able to get into a local podiatrist very quickly and they took another x-ray from the missing angle. We found that indeed there was a jagged break all along the joint. There was also multiple breaks in the medial sesamoid bone that resides under that joint.

After seven weeks in a walking cast, the jagged break was healed. However, the sesamoid bone was not. My doctor modified my shoe insole and put me back into my shoes. I was also outfitted with a bone stimulator to try and help the sesamoid heal.

I have had a number of extensive conversations with my podiatrist and found ways via his advice to be able to continue to teach all my group exercise classes and support the people I personally train. It's been tricky, but I've made it successfully through.

I am now at the point in my healing that the only way to truly return to full activity without pain is to have the sesamoid surgically removed.

I've decided that at this time, I will not pursue surgery. I don't know how my multiple sclerosis (MS) will respond to that, or how I will be affected in extremely more reduced activity.  I am moving now and I still want to celebrate that and take full advantage of it.

Activity is what has mitigated my MS symptoms and issues. I figure, maybe if I have an MS relapse down the road that then I will do the surgery, as I would be down anyway during that time. And  right now, I am only restricted in split lunges, calf raises, running, and things like that where the pressure is too great on that joint area.

In the end, I am safe. I am not recovering from any injuries more serious than this foot issue. I also believe that I was led to that path. Had that elderly woman been alone further down that path... I just hate to think what would have happened to her.

I am blessed. Though really frustrated with my fitness, I am glad that there's nothing else I am recovering from.

FOR AN UPDATE CLICK HERE

Breaking The Mold

Recently I was mocked by a peer. A fellow personal trainer actually said out load that I am an "embarrassment to the fitness industry."

The justification of the claim was because I am not skinny, I am "not as toned as a trainer should be." He said that I lack a level of visually apparent muscle tonality that a fitness industry professional should have. 

He ended with, "true fitness professionals do not have stretch marks, a gut, or an ass as big as [mine]."

This experience has really been like a punch in the gut... the very gut that has stretch marks from major weight gain (thank you steroids for treating MS, binge-eating, caffeine addiction, etc) and major weight-loss (90lbs).

I entered the fitness industry as a means to help others who were like me: 

• struggling with chronic disease (in my case multiple sclerosis); 
• using food and beverage as a means for coping through life; 
• affected by anxiety and/or depression;
• body image issues;
• negativity;
• poor daily life activity; and so much more.

I relayed this experience to another fellow fitness industry professional who knows me and I couldn't thank her enough for her response. 

She said that I am definitely not like the stereotypical fitness professional, but I am a powerful one. She said I'm a motivator with never-ending positivity, tremendous fitness knowledge, skill, and surprising energy. She said that I am a lot stronger than I appear. She said, "so no, you don't fit the mold - you break it."

Another fitness professional said that she has been more of a stinky sweaty mess from one of my classes than any other that she has recently attended.

Though this experience with the meanie fitness professional has hurt my confidence as well as my feelings, I want him to know that: 

• I sincerely hope if he's ever faced with a debilitating illness that impedes mobility, that he too can overcome it. 
• I hope that if he ever drinks or eats too much while trying to cope with life, that he can overcome the emotional shame and body image issues that are associated with being overweight or obese. 
• I hope that even he can overlook his own stretch marks if that occurs.
• I hope that no matter what comes his way and how his body changes, that when he looks in the mirror that he can not only realistically see the flaws, but also be proud of them and and what those flaws represent.

Today I outran a teenage boy, though I know that in time after I am done training him, that he will outrun me.

Today I spent one hour in proficiency training using TRX and a TRX Rip stick.

Today I completed an intense 58-minute cardio bout.

Today I spent time writing group exercise class designs for Spin, Lift, and TRX/Rip classes that I intend on using.

Now in retrospect, 10-years ago I was out of breath walking down a hall and terrified to step down from a curb without assistance.

I have made an impact to many. My clients have had tremendous success. My family has benefited tremendously.

Here I go, breaking the mold...

Let It Be

Have you ever had to wait for something that couldn't be hurried along? Did the waiting require sitting in complete discomfort of the unknown? Did the waiting require unrelenting prayer?

At moments did you find yourself scrambling for any amount of control in absolutely anything, because what mattered most was well beyond controllable?

When in this state, do you hold your breath frequently? Clench or grind your teeth maybe? 

How about your stomach, is it in knots and the entire world seems to keep turning while you're somehow stuck in a state of pensive stasis?

Are you filled with anxiety, panic, or being so overwhelmed about the future that you can't live in the present.
                                  
I've found that I frequently have to surrender, in order to move beyond this state of mind and physical stress that it can cause. It is very difficult to do.

I have to stop forcing and seeking control. I have to surrender to what is and fight myself from creating a negative interpretative spin. 

Instead, I have to search and seek for the simplest and most non-ego based answer and then surrender to it.

I find that when I am in this state of internal struggle, I often think of The Beatles song, "Let It Be" or Now We are Free from the Gladiator soundtrack.

We are stronger and more capable than we think we are.

What helps you when in this place?

Poetry Corner: iDistracted

iDistrated

Staring deep into the digital chasm

he and she seek,

                                    never finding the connections

                                                or answers they yearn for –

Theses connections and answers live

in real time

face-to-face

in spoken words

with real emotions,

                                                                        lacking emoticons.

silence,

stillness,

patience,

prayers unscrolled…

actual thoughts, and

true expressions

By Diana M. Bateman

(May 2015)

Wheelchair Boxing

One day after just finishing up working with client at nearby recreation center, I happened upon a stunning site.

Picture this: A man, mid to late 40's, and in a wheelchair. It appeared as though the curvature of his spine and lack of muscle strength in his back prevented him from sitting straight in his chair. 

He was very hunched over and leaning to one side. While in this position, he was actively using a hanging punching bag. He was hitting it hard enough that the bag was moving quite a bit. He was only able to use one arm.

This experience made my mind travel in many directions. I pondered a great deal about him and the fitness effort that he was making. 

I also had the sense that though his body wasn't ideal for the boxing effort, he didn't seem to be a stranger to the punching bag in anyway.

My client also watched this man for a moment as we were wrapping up and rescheduling. I could see that my client was also moved by the experience. 

After my client left, I walked over to the treadmill to get some running in while I had the chance. I ran on the treadmill for 30-minutes, in between clients. The wheelchair boxer was there punching the entire time! That is an extremely long time at a punching bag. He was slow, but very strong, and very consistent.

He stopped once someone who looked like a health aid arrived, this was near the end of my run. The aid and the boxer conversed in a way that appeared as though the boxer was teaching the aid something. They then cleared and left the area.

It is when I see things like this that I am just blown away by how much effort it takes for some people to be involved in life and various events that the general population take for granted. 

These people are often times more involved and more engaged than fully able bodied people. These efforts often go unnoticed, unrecognized for what it is, or we actually avoid looking. 

I challenge you to not only look at these people, but give eye contact and smile. Look at them, talk to them, learn from them, and train with them. 

Living By Design

Some things simply happen, other things we dream would happen, but everything else we make happen. This is called living by design.

I intermittently suffer from panic and anxiety. It can be crippling at times. On days when it is really bad there is a level of paranoia that I must contend with as well. Panic, anxiety, and paranoia are not a pleasant combination of emotions. I am not embarrassed to admit this, it just is.

Since I have taken a more active role in creating and meeting goals, I have been able to shift my focus from the scary unknown things that I cannot control and instead let in the light from the known things, in order to change my troubled perceptions. 

Easier said than done, yet persistent practice is an amazing tool for any talent that you wish to develop. It is the same with the mind.

Because I struggle in this way, I have become more vocal about sharing tips and tricks that have helped me to see life from a different vantage point and to regain a persistently positive light in my life. 

I now understand that there are a few things in this life that we really do have control over. Consistent and persistent practice makes all of these much more tangible. 

• Thoughts (internal self-talk)
• Words (external self-talk or social interactions)
• Beliefs (willingness to be receptive/open to others' beliefs)
• Response (pausing, thinking, then speaking; stripping the ego from the response)
• Determination (never give up; pause, take a break, rethink the approach; try again)
• Focus (enlightening vs. titillating)
• Kindness (Smile! Say "thank you" and "please.")
• Positive behaviors (Be the kind of person your family and friends think you are.)
• Presence (active listening; face-to-face time with eye-contact; reduce distractions like phone, TV, etc.)

Oftentimes every single one of these require a deep breath, a brief pause, and a little prayer.

As I have tried to incorporate these elements in my daily life, I have been able to live more in the present; reducing the amount of time dwelling in the past and too much worry over the future.

These behaviors have brought a greater focus and implementation of successful behaviors in order to achieve goals. I allow myself to think forward, in a positive manner, to generate a macro-goal list. 

I then break down the big picture and generate a linear micro-goals list. Doing and achieving the little things has long since been a successful way to accomplishing the big ticket goals. It is about conditioning, in order to promote progression.

What would happen to our world if we were all more persistent in living by design in this manner? I think I would like to find out.

Your thoughts?

Pre-Authorizations & Denials

Have you ever received a medical or pharmaceutical pre-authorization denial? Do not give up hope.

I used to aid others in seeking pre-authorizations as well as fighting denials for services. I am also a patient and have been on the receiving end of a denial or two.

I would just like to share that "denied" coverage is not the end. If you feel that the service(s) or medication is warranted, you and your physicians office should work together to appeal the denial.

Write your own personal appeal letter to the insurance pre-authorization department. Make your own case about why they should make an exception in coverage for you. Let your letter be accompanied by your physicians appeal. 

If it is denied again. Appeal to your employer's human resources. Get involved, stay involved, ask questions; even asking the hard questions.

If still denied, then inquire with your physician or pharmaceutical company about any patient assistance programs that might be available.

Be patient. Be persistent. Turn over every rock and pray all the while.