Poetry Corner: Back Into Me

I thought sharing this poem, at this time was fitting. Though a nature poem at the time it was written, it has new meaning to me now.

Back Into Me

sitting in the quiet

I rock

back

and

forth,

swinging to the solitude so sweet

humming, vibrating the air

with thought

I relax

back into me

and sit

in the peace of it all

By Diana M. Bateman

2006©

Heartfelt Gratitude

I've no idea how to express the joy I feel lately. All I know is that my husband and I are very blessed. Dear family, friends, co-workers and strangers who pray for us and have been so generous - thank you! 


Here's a little video I would like to share. God bless you all! We have been recipients of the grandest blessing that either of us have ever received.

It's A Boy!

Now I understand the meaning of what happened in my May 30 blog post...

My husband and I have been trying to adopt a child for a number of years. We've worked with three different agencies. It been pretty unsuccessful and downright frustrating. 

So when we received yet another call saying that a birth-mom delivered on the east coast a few days before and that the agency was requesting permission to show our profile to yet another set of birthparents, we said "sure". 

See, that's how it goes. Then you're not selected,  birthparents decide to parent rather than place the child, or you are in the top two and eventually become the "runner up". The most recent call was on the evening of July 1. 

After the call with the most recent case worker, we finished our movie and then went to bed knowing that on Monday, we would be informed we didn't make the cut. 

Honestly, we had mentally and emotionally given up on adoption. This was going to be the end. We were done and needed to move on with life.

July 2 came and after the lunch hour we received the news that we were actually selected! Oh my holy freakin' cow! The news wasn't followed by a "just kidding", rather it was followed by a "can you get out here tomorrow?" 

Well we couldn't. We had to get money wired to them, we had to arrange travel, we had to gather start-up baby stuff, dog sitter, communicate with our employers, etcetera. On top of all this, we were in a major holiday week. The best we could do was fly out on Wednesday.

July 3...A busy blur orchestrated by divine intervention to make things run as smoothly as possible, as in better than clockwork. However, it was indeed a blur, busy, exhausting and I have no idea how we did it all. Actually we didn't do it all, THANK YOU to all our friends and family. THANK YOU!

Our first family photo in a hotel lobby.
Diana, Josh, & Jacobson.

July 4...We were on the morning flight to a major east coast city, we selected an airport a little ways away for the benefit of a direct return flight with a babe in arms. 

After we landed, we jumped in a rental car for a two hour drive to a smaller east coast city. We drove right to the hotel of our social worker who had temporary custody of our little one since leaving the hospital. 

We met our social worker and the notary in the hotel lobby. We all signed transfer of custody paperwork and by around seven that night we were parents. Whew! 

We then drove to our hotel and checked-in. We were starving though, so we went to dinner and invited the social worker who had taken care of our son until we could get there. This was the best Fourth of July celebration ever!

Jacobson Ethan (7 days old)

The next few days were hurry up and wait kind of days. Hospital visits, baby registry stuff, texts and calls with family and friends, calls with area attorney's and attorneys back at home, adoption agency collaboration, diapers, spit-up, bottles, awesome hotel staff to help us sanitize bottles for reuse... we met a lot of really neat people during this time. But the neatest of all were the birthparents.

On July 5 we had dinner with the birthparents at their hotel and it was simply awesome. They went into this delivery knowing that they were giving birth to another person's child. 

Yes, this was emotionally and mentally tough for them to do, but in their own words over dinner, "...after meeting you, we now know we found the right family for our son. We have no doubts about placing him with you two." This was incredibly humbling to hear. 

It was also this night that we learned about the emergency circumstance of Jacob's birth. Both he and birth-mom almost didn't make it. 

The placenta and uterus detached and they were rushed to the Emergency Room where an emergency C-section was performed. Little Jacob even had to be resuscitated; a miracle baby all around in many ways. 

By evening's end we had interviewed the birthparents on camera and taken pictures. It was at this time that the birthparents requested that for sake of providing closure for their other children, could we arrange to meet them before we left town. We agreed and settled on meeting July 10.

July 9...We were informed that the ICPC was clear and we could fly home; the ICPC (Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children) is the legal do-hicky that says it's okay to take this kid of ours across state lines and back home. So we rearranged our flights from a July 14 return to a July 10 return!

July 10...We met the immediate birth family in a local park. We only had thirty minutes with them before we had to leave to drive to the airport. 

Our time with the birth family was precious. We were able to get pictures of each of Jacob's half siblings holding him. We got pictures of his birth parents holding him. We did see that the kids truly needed this closure. 

I know this opportunity is rare and unique with regards to adoption. The reason the birthparents placed Jacob with us is dynamic, hefty, and full on intricate details. Suffice it to say, there were many reasons, and all in all, this is a better situation for this little life. We have been blessed again. 

I mentioned earlier that I now know what the feeling was behind my May 30 blog post. During our interaction with the birthparents, we learned that Jacob had been promised elsewhere in a private adoption setting. 

During the last week of May the birthparents found that if they continued with the intended adoptive couple, that Jacob would be in a potentially abusive situation. Because of that, they decided to discontinue placement and to go with an agency. 

The agency that they selected was the third and final agency we ended up working with. It's amazing the divine orchestration that took place to bring us our son. We are thankful for the courage of Jacob's birth parents. They made a miracle happen in our lives.

It's so wonderful to be home now. It's been an absolute whirlwind and so completely worth it. Welcome Jacob! Welcome to our home, our family and our hearts. We love you!

Shooting Up in a Las Vegas Bathroom

This is as close I could get to Tony Horton.
I will meet him next year. I have a plan.

I recently participated in the Beachbody Coach Summit event in Las Vegas, Nevada. I was able to meet some pretty amazing coaches, trainers, and leadership figures. 

I've included a few pictures in this blog entry of some of the famous Beachbody faces. This was an amazing experience for me. 

I'd like to share a little bit about this event as well as what it was like to "shoot up" in a Las Vegas bathroom. I am of course speaking about my Multiple Sclerosis medication. 

Meeting & working out with
Debbie Siebers!

I carpooled with a few people from my general area to this conference and was quickly relieved to find out that they were normal and pleasant to spend time with. 

Not having met them before, I was indeed concerned. But we had an excellent time driving to Vegas and back. They may even say that I was the weird one... very possible...

I was also very relieved to find out that my temporary roommate was also normal and a real delight to hang around. So, two for two - something had to go wrong, right? Not at all. 

Though I really struggled with the ninety-eight to one hundred eight degree temperatures of Nevada, I was able to participate in most everything. More than that, I actually felt like I belonged. This last one was a biggie, as I have never felt this way - not really.

I was just simple tickled to
meet Chalene Johnson.

Kudos to fellow Beachbody Coaches Christine B. (thanks for the "better than sex spray mister!"); Tamara G. (thanks for looking out for me); MGM Grand concierge (thanks for figuring out how to get me to and from the pool) and security (thanks for pushing the wheelchair and getting me safely back to my room when my legs couldn't carry me). 

Thanks to all for getting creative and being such a big help so I could participate poolside with my team - if only for forty minutes. This was tremendous! 

It took about two hours to recover, but I did it and was able to workout live with Tony Horton later that day! This was so totally awesome! 

Donna Richardson is highly spiritual person.
Very pleasant to talk with.

Over the next few days I was also able to meet and work out live with Debbie Siebers. 

I was also able to meet Chalene Johnson (TurboFire, ChaLEAN Extreme, etc), Donna Richardson (Body Gospel), and have a random run in with Leandro Carvhalo (Brazil Butt Lift). Um, so Leandro totally grabbed my rump! Good times. ;-) 

I was able to get close enough to hear the voices and feel the energy of Tony Horton and Shawn T.. I was able to listen to them speak, watch and do work outs, and find that they are the same in person as they are on disc - high energy, fun-loving, constantly improving themselves and intense.

Now as the conference got into full swing it took me about half a day to realize that come shot time on Saturday, I wouldn't have time between sessions and activities to make it back to my room to take my medication and still make it to the next event in time. 

I realized I was going to have to keep my shot on hand for one of our very brief breaks on Saturday, during which I would have to go to the restroom and take my shot. 

I have to admit, this was indeed a very different experience than the last time I was in a Las Vegas bathroom. This time though, I was injecting a MS medication into my leg while in the bathroom, rather than throwing up, while some lady prayed outside the bathroom stall. (The prayer being that the poor bulimic lady would be okay and find her way to Jesus.) 

I think the funniest part about shooting up in a Las Vegas bathroom was when I came out to wash my hands. I didn't want to just put the needle and syringe in the garbage (highly irresponsible). 

I put it back in my purse and would bring it home to my sharps container. The funny thing is that handling this shot is so normal for me now, that I didn't pay attention to what others 

Leandro Carvahlo has ENERGY
and big devious smile.

might be thinking in the bathroom. 

I only caught on when I realized I had a few confused stares, as I was separating the needle from the syringe to put it in a baggie and back in my purse. I tried to explain, but I don't really think those ladies believed me... Good times!

Chalene Johnson and Shawn T.
two very beautiful people inside and out.

All in all, this conference was amazing! I learned that all the things I've been doing to improve my health have been spot on. 

I'm really excited now to help others rise to the challenges of life and push beyond those challenges. I saw so many people that have achieved similar outcomes regarding their health as I have. 

I was energized and charged by this. I realized that I'm not unique in this regard. This was a refreshing discovery, because it made me realize that I'm not some crazy lady doing crazy things and that I'm not an anomaly. 

No, these changes to health and wellness, even with disease, is actually attainable. I'm not only living proof, but there are thousands out there in a similar situation, doing this too and having amazing results. 

Again, it was refreshing to see that I'm not smokin' and being unrealistic. People truly can move beyond the bounds of illness and disability, if they are willing to get creative and redefine possibilities. It's not easy! It's painful, infuriating, frustrating, disappointing, but so incredibly worth it!

I spoke with people that have serious diabetes, and other chronic or neurological dysfunctions. I spoke with people that use fitness to combat serious depression and recover from wartime struggles. 

I interacted and identified with a few people in wheelchairs that are modifying Beachbody programs such as P90X and Insanity; they are indeed really doing these programs. 

I met morbidly obese people that have done P90X, TurboFire, BodyGospel, Slim in 6, Brazil Butt Lift and more - they've already lost one hundred pounds or more, and though still morbidly obese or overweight, they are on the right track to attain very real transformations. 

I met people in their sixties and seventies still working out on intense levels; one of them even described diet and fitness as the "fountain of youth". It is possible to change your direction in life. 

To make these changes though, the questions are: How bad do you really want it? Do you want it bad enough to commit to recommitting? 

Do you want it bad enough to create consistent discipline to get you there? Do you want it bad enough to change self-sabotaging behaviors? Are you permitting yourself to actually have a quality life? Do you believe you are deserving? 

If so, then change your behavior. If it's that important to you, then you will make it happen. If you keep faltering, then your "why?" may have changed or isn't strong enough. Decide. Commit. Succeed. It doesn't have to be perfect, just consistent. 

You have to be willing to go to hot places when you have problems with heat. You have to be willing to take your medications in public restrooms. 

These are required to remove yourself from feeling trapped by illness. You have to be willing to surrender to modifications in order to participate fully. 

It's not about being picture perfect and doing it just like everyone else. It's about doing it in whatever way that you can, so that everyone else can't hide behind lame excuses to improve. 

If you are unwilling to engage and try, then it's an excuse. If you are unwilling to be vulnerable, then you are prideful and you will either linger in stasis or continue to decline. 

I see now, more than ever before, that the only thing that keeps us from achieving all that our heart desires in this life, 

is our commitment, dedication, and attitude.

SKIN!

No these are not my legs. 
Here's the link they came from though.

Periodically I've been approached about how I was able to lose the weight without what some thought was a lot of residual flabby skin. 

Generally my first response is, well, I actually dress quite modestly so the biggest trouble areas are masked. My triceps area is the most visible trouble spot I have where you can actually see skin. 

However, I have a trick up my sleeve. This effort has aided in weight loss, however the biggest effects were actually in reducing the stretch marks and tightening skin.

The stretch marks were a result of simply being overweight for the majority of my life, as well as adding to the mess with additional rapid weight gain. 

The stretch marks changed from a mass of very angry red crevices, to being closer to matching my actual skin tone, with a significantly reduced appearance of scarring. Over time the skin has tightened by breaking up the cottage cheese pockets of my super cellulite collection. 

Hydration, strength training and conditioning definitely speed up this tightening process. Hydration makes the skin more willing to let go of stubborn cellulite pockets. 

Muscle aids in the rapid consumption of burning the loosened cellulite that's now ready to burn. In order make the skin ready to let go of the fat, hydration is extremely important. 

Excess coffee, soda, energy drinks, alcohol, etcetera are your worst enemy here. In fact, this is where most people sabotage themselves. Why? Because these products dehydrate you. 

So without further adieu, the method I use is Dry Skin Brushing. There are many resources available to for reading about "the benefits" and the "how to" of Skin Brushing, but to simplify, I'll share just one via Livestrong.com you've got both sets of instructions on one page. 

If you decide to try this, I'm telling you now, you will have better results if you: hydrate, strength train, be consistent. By the way, don't expect to see changes overnight, the effects are cumulative. I personally didn't start noticing things until about two or three weeks after I started the process. Consistency is key!

The Results: Ragnar 2012

"Thank you!" to all those that had me and other Ragnar participants and volunteers in their heart, mind, and prayers. I know I received many blessings from this.

Thank you!

So how did the Wasatch Back Ragnar turn out? Our team raised well over seventeen thousand dollars for cancer research. We had some cancer survivor as well as cancer previvor runners join our team and they did just fabulous! Here's a glimpse at the side of our van, which was a dedication to who the six in our van were running for. Also, here is a quick video recap of the event happenings.

In my last blog entry I made a plea. I would like to let you know how the run turned out for me.

All of my anticipated running distances seemed to have been extended for some reason. For one reason or another the time of day in which I was running was delayed some as well. 

In short I ran 19.72 miles in a combined time of four hours, seven minutes. Depending on the run my elevation was between four thousand, seven hundred six and six thousand, seven hundred fourty-four feet; mostly moving up. 

The way I left it with those in my van was that in efforts to save my foot and be able to do all three runs I would take it slow. Come to find out, I couldn't have gone any faster if I had tried. The heat and combined total of maybe four hours of sleep in thirty-five hours kept me humble.

Leg Three - My distance ended up at 6.91 miles (run time 1:19:16). I started running around nine-forty in the morning. The heat was too much for me on this one. At about four miles my right ear started ringing, by five miles my arms were tingling, right eye hurting, left leg weakening, and there was a pinch at the nape of my neck that means a migraine is brewing. 

All of this meant finish quick or I'm in trouble. This is the run that made me realize I need to stop putting off buying a cooling vest, if I intend to continue running in temperatures above seventy degrees. Good thing was that my foot never hurt; this was a surprise. 

Wearing my cooling scarf and catching my breath.
Just finished Leg #3 - Hyrum to Paradise, UT.

Leg Fifteen - My distance ended up at 5.06 miles (run time 59:09). I started running around eight at night. Thank heavens for whatever delays made my start for this leg an hour later than scheduled. 

At seven o'clock, it was still too warm for me as I was still sensitive from the earlier run. This was a nice and very beautiful run. I had some nice conversations with myself, God, and my father-in-law Don. I learned a lot in this run. I love these silent conversations with good company.

In the middle of Leg #15, running through Morgan, UT.

Leg Twenty-seven  - My distance ended up at 7.75 miles (run time 1:41:34). I started running around eight-thirty in the morning. This run made me say a very bad word at the end. 

When I started this run, I had a little reserve and I was hoping that somewhere along the way I would find the strength to finish. I never did. I can honestly say that during the majority of this run I was carried by someone else and in between was raw nerve. 

I had nothing left. In facing this run I was mentally prepared to run a 1fifteen-minute mile or slower, but somehow I was at an average of twelve and a half to thirteen minutes. How? I do not know. 

About a mile after the picture below was taken I was yelling at Don, telling him that in last nights' run we had an agreement that he was going to push my rump up the darn hill. At that point I swear I could hear his little sinister chuckle and the words, "then get going". Then I just got angry. Don knew that would get me going; the little snot.

I used my arm to push (paddle) me forward. I leaned further into the hill to let gravity pull me up. I was so concentrated I never noticed that my van (that wasn't permitted to support me on this leg) was watching and cheering me on. 

I'm certain their cheers and thoughts were accepted as prayers to support me through this run. I know there were family and friends devoting energy and well wishes for me during this time. I received all of those blessings in this run as well as my first. 

Here too, all the ear ringing, nape of neck pinching, eye pain, arm tingling, leg weakening returned. By the time I crested the big hill I felt like someone else took over. Then came the downhill... 

It was a blur. I should have fallen. I couldn't feel much of anything in either leg than just pressure and tingling - not true, my right leg was still semi-present. I threw water over me again and kept going. I climbed the last hill and saw the exchange - which meant my finish line. 

I could see the runner (Stephanie) that I was to pass the wristband off to, I could see one of my teammates - as it turns out there were two. I yelled ahead for Stephanie to be ready because I wasn't stopping. 

I yelled again to my teammates Casey and Aaron, to be ready because once I stopped, I didn't know if my legs would be there. Snap! Stephanie was off on her last run. 

Plop! Casey and Aaron caught me. I couldn't feel much of anything from just above my knees down. Then I said a very bad word. Somehow, I made it. I wanted to cry. I don't even know if I did. Via help from Casey and Aaron, I got to the van. It also helped that some hot guy in a Tarzan outfit walked by; that was sure motivating.

Starting up the initial hill near Jordanelle Reservoir
for an overall 840 ft elevation gain.

Thank you to all who had me in their thoughts and prayers. You helped me finish. This medal belongs to you.

My biggest take home message from this run is that: 

Life is tough, but if we keep moving 

just one foot in front of the other (figuratively), 

even relying on others with each step, we will finish. 

And we'll finish with big rewards.

In Three Days and I'll Find Out

In three short days I will find out what it's like to be a person with Multiple Sclerosis running the Wasatch Back Ragnar (June 15 and 16). To read more about what this is and why the heck I am doing it, click here read and watch me talk about it in our team video.

At this point I'm making a plea to all who are willing. I need the prayers of whoever is willing to offer them. I should be running leg #3 (6.8miles) on Friday morning around 9:45am MST; leg #15 (4.9miles) on Friday night around 7pm MST; leg #27 (7.7miles) by about 6:30am MST on Saturday.

These are my concerns and my personal prayers:

• Please may my body be able to handle any heat that I may be in. 
• Please let the resting I've done be enough for my right foot. 
• Please let the never-ending lack of sensation in my left knee not be an issue, especially in the two big descents at the beginning and then the end of leg twenty-seven when I'm especially worn out.
• Please let there be a headwind as I descend the big hills in leg twenty-seven.
• Please let my mind be strong and focused.

I am so very thankful for the blessings I've been given to get to this point. It's not by talent. It's by making a decision, committing to the details and then submitting myself to God; who has given me so much. To Don, thank you for helping me find my courage without being afraid to act on it.