Mind Numbing

Life can be overwhelming. Moving too swiftly, always plugged in to the pulse of
something, and then there are the real cares required to maintain, such as our relationships, family,
homes, and our own health.

I have noticed and experienced that it is incredibly easy to put off the things in our
life that require actual investment of time, connection, energy, planning, and
patience.

I see that we disengaged and lazily slip into a mind numbing comma of
entertainment and or living vicariously by stalking idealized relationships or
assets.

We all do this to some degree or another. However, there is a difference between
unwinding briefly with sports, news, movies, social media, beverages, and food
versus seeking a purposeful escape from responsibilities or relationships in an
effort to hope those conversations and responsibilities will take care of themselves.

I am not exempt from this; no one is. However, we can strive to: Stop. Unplug. Engage; face-to-face. Create an action plan. Follow through.

Living By Design

Some things simply happen, other things we dream would happen, but everything else we make happen. This is called living by design.

I intermittently suffer from panic and anxiety. It can be crippling at times. On days when it is really bad there is a level of paranoia that I must contend with as well. Panic, anxiety, and paranoia are not a pleasant combination of emotions. I am not embarrassed to admit this, it just is.

Since I have taken a more active role in creating and meeting goals, I have been able to shift my focus from the scary unknown things that I cannot control and instead let in the light from the known things, in order to change my troubled perceptions. 

Easier said than done, yet persistent practice is an amazing tool for any talent that you wish to develop. It is the same with the mind.

Because I struggle in this way, I have become more vocal about sharing tips and tricks that have helped me to see life from a different vantage point and to regain a persistently positive light in my life. 

I now understand that there are a few things in this life that we really do have control over. Consistent and persistent practice makes all of these much more tangible. 

• Thoughts (internal self-talk)
• Words (external self-talk or social interactions)
• Beliefs (willingness to be receptive/open to others' beliefs)
• Response (pausing, thinking, then speaking; stripping the ego from the response)
• Determination (never give up; pause, take a break, rethink the approach; try again)
• Focus (enlightening vs. titillating)
• Kindness (Smile! Say "thank you" and "please.")
• Positive behaviors (Be the kind of person your family and friends think you are.)
• Presence (active listening; face-to-face time with eye-contact; reduce distractions like phone, TV, etc.)

Oftentimes every single one of these require a deep breath, a brief pause, and a little prayer.

As I have tried to incorporate these elements in my daily life, I have been able to live more in the present; reducing the amount of time dwelling in the past and too much worry over the future.

These behaviors have brought a greater focus and implementation of successful behaviors in order to achieve goals. I allow myself to think forward, in a positive manner, to generate a macro-goal list. 

I then break down the big picture and generate a linear micro-goals list. Doing and achieving the little things has long since been a successful way to accomplishing the big ticket goals. It is about conditioning, in order to promote progression.

What would happen to our world if we were all more persistent in living by design in this manner? I think I would like to find out.

Your thoughts?

Healthy Lifestyle (Part II)

In reference to Healthy Lifestyle (Part I), I believe there is a sixth element to the Model of Change. This element (not stage) is struggle. 

To struggle isn't a phase that we come in and out of identifiably; rather struggle is present in each of the five stages because it is a fact of life. 

We can't escape struggle altogether, it is impossible - 

we are imperfect human beings.


The influence and impact of struggle throughout the five stages of the Cycle of Change is generally due to our perspective about what is happening within each of these stages. 

If we take charge of our perspective while struggling in these phases, I believe that two things can occur:

1 - Your attitude improves causing a more stable, accurate, and improved self-image.

2 - You spend more time in the Action and Maintenance Phases with less volatility and greater success each time you are in these phases.



Perspective as a Tool

How then can perspective possibly become a tool rather than a viewpoint? 

With regards to "getting healthy", we often associate this concept as a period of restriction rather than embracing a lifelong change.

In this light we have already failed before we even begin. If I am devoting massive amounts of time and energy for a period of restriction, then the results will only last for that period of time as well; seldom do changes last much longer than that.

Going into change with the realization that you aren't perfect, struggle is generally always present and you embrace it still, then perspective somehow becomes more accurate. We become increasingly more patient with ourselves, which has the effect of being more disciplined and focused.


Example 1 (Perspective not as a tool, i.e. the way most of us do it.): 

During the last week of December I decide to buy a fitness program or a gym membership with the intent to start up on January 2nd. 

At this same time I decide that the way I eat is unhealthy, I also drink too much caffeine, and so the list of things to change builds. Come January 2, I begin to change all of my habits at once. 


Jumping full-steam ahead into 90-day program or gym membership I last somewhere between four to fifteen days because I have in that time already over trained and have reached burnout, maybe even injured myself. 


To make matters worse I get on the scale and see that I haven't lost the 20 lbs. that I had planned on losing that week, but instead I have gained weight 4 lbs! 

This frustrates me because I don't understand the phenomena as to why I have gained and not lost. I don't care anyway because I am burned out and so I quit.

Example 2 (Perspective as a tool): 

During the last week of December I decide to buy a fitness program or a gym membership and I have a lot of goals I want to meet and a lot of habits I need to change. 


Understanding that a true lifestyle change isn't established overnight I make a S.M.A.R.T plan with a single specific goal to improve my heart health. 


First, I take measurements of my body and current weight and log them in a record book, then I go for a 1.5 mile walk (outside or treadmill) and see how long it takes without losing my breath and without being too slow. 


Then I set an attainable goal to improve my 1.5-mile walk/run time and endurance by 30-seconds or so within a month. I understand that this initial effort is relevant to the goal of improving my heart health. 

I create a calendar of a daily fitness schedule and put it on my mirror. Each day I cross of the workload as I complete it.


The aim of the improved heart health goal is to have a more solid foundation to start from at the end of my first 30 days (time-bound). 

At month end, I will review my goals again and adjustment efforts accordingly. That adjustment may be the addition of just one thing or the removing of just one thing, not both.


During this 30 days I don't weigh myself at all because I know that it is normal to actually increase in weight, as muscle is more dense than fat. Instead, it is more important to track measurements than weight, so this is what I monitor for the first 30-40 days.


Also, I anticipate being somewhat sore during this period because muscle that has otherwise been lying dormant is now in use. As muscle breaks down, in order to be built up, there will be some soreness. 

If I am sore beyond 36-48hrs at a time, then I know that I am pushing myself too hard and not allowing enough time for the muscle to recover before exercising that particular area again.




With this plan in mind, it permits my perspective to be focused on something other than, "I hate my body." It is now focused on measurable realities like:

• My lungs don't burn in my 1.5-mile walk like they used to.
• I'm comfortable with 1.5 miles, maybe I will go further or maybe I will run for 30 seconds then walk for 30 seconds and so on, for the full distance.
• Hey my pants fit better now.
• I'm starting to get the hang of this. 

In time, creating this foundation will reduce my risk of injury and increase my probability of success. Also note that struggle is still present. 

As it gets easier, I do more (struggle still being present). As I do more, I get excited what I can do (struggle still being present). The cycle continues as growth and development occurs (struggle still being present).

It is when there is plateau that means you have really achieved something and it is time to switch things up. Now it is time to review my progress, make sure my tracking log is current. 

Reviewing my tracking log, I see awesome things. I now have proof that I have improved my cardio health. I went from a 40min 1.5-mile walk, to a 15min 1.5-mile walk/run and then over the course of few months I am at a 11min 1.5-mile run. During this time I have completed a 5k charity run and look forward to more.

At this time I revamp and create a new goal and increase my workout resistance. Based on the new goal I create a new workout schedule and print it out for my mirror. As this becomes a habit, it takes less and less time and the effort to be consistent becomes easier.

Now that I know my heart is ready to roll, I am ready to focus on flexibility, balance, and strength improvements. Also, while looking forward to maintaining and improving my heart health.

But what about those with limitations? Stay tuned!

Healthy Lifestyle (Part I)

I oftentimes talk about perspective as a tool, rather than a habitual individual vantage point. It is a tool that I believe shines best amid struggle. 

I would like to explain my thoughts on this concept. In doing so, I will pick on the ever popular concept of creating a healthy lifestyle, also known as getting healthy.


Setting the Stage

About this time of year many people start thinking about changes that they want to make for the coming year. Oftentimes this plan involves toying with the idea of getting healthy and improving your fitness efforts. 


Real changes won't begin until after the Holiday's of course, because you crave certain things during these next few Holiday's. Maybe there is no time to devote to fitness, or maybe you associate getting healthy with being outdoors and you don't like being outdoors during the winter.


Whatever the case may be, this effort is often viewed as a big job with huge changes. Seldom do people that are seeking big change, change just one thing at a time. Usually they try to change everything all at once. 


These huge changes may stay in effect for a few days or a couple of months, but eventually the efforts fail your perceived standard or goals and then you revert back to the path of least resistance (i.e., old habits). 


The perceived standard is usually you measuring what you feel is the worst about you and comparing it to someone else's best.

The silly thing about this is that oftentimes that "best" is chronically under horrible scrutiny by the other person and seldom accepted as good.

Stages of Change

I really like James Prochaska's Transtheoretical Model of Change¹. I like the Model of Change because it has so many applications to human behavior. 

The pre- and post- Holiday's desire to become committed to change and "get healthy" really puts things in perspective for me. 

According to the five stages of the model, Group 1 (most people) vacillate roller-coaster style between the first four stages and lose it most often in the fourth stage (Action).



Group 2 is where the majority of the people that succeed past the Action Phase tend to linger; bouncing between Contemplation, Preparation, and Action as they lose focus or discipline not long after they start the Maintenance Phase. 


Group 3 are the people that we usually compare ourselves against. Group 3 houses the people that generally live in the Maintenance Phase, when they slip out of that phase, they seem to speed through the first four phases in very little time and then they return to the Maintenance Phase rapidly. They make everything look so darn easy.


In my own personal opinion, I believe there is a sixth element to the Model of Change; which is Struggle. I say Struggle and not the Struggle Phase. Struggle isn't a phase that we come in and out of identifiably; rather struggle is present in each of the five stages.


The influence of struggle throughout the five stages is generally due to our perspective about what is happening within each of these stages. I will explain this in more detail in the next post.

                                                        

¹Prochaska, JO; DiClemente, CC. Stages and processes of self-change of smoking: toward an integrative model of change. J Consult Clin Psychol 1988 Jun;51(3):390–5. Accessed 2009 Mar 18.

Growing up!

Come to find out, the process of "growing up" doesn't end at any specific age. 

In the last nearly 16 months as a mother, I have learned many valuable lessons. I am absolutely certain that I haven't even begun to scratch the surface for this education. I would like to share just a few things that have really made a mark on me internally.

Disclaimer: I am so not perfect, nor do I strive to be. I try not to compare and so in sharing this I would hope that you don't compare either. This is just sharing and learning from a person who still has so much more to learn.

1. I am glad that I have a boy. I never really was a little "girl" so I don't know how to relate in that way. I am still a tomboy at heart for sure.

2. The only thing that I am absolutely certain of is that I know nothing.

3. I have discovered that I am not a very patient person. I'm definitely getting a crash course on this and I am improving, it just isn't a comfortable learning process. But definitely rewarding.

4. Memories of my own childhood have emerged and become clearer as I have watched my son grow and learn.

5. I've learned very quickly what is really important to me and what isn't:
Important                           Not Important
Exercise                                Clean house
Clean Teeth                          Clean laundry 
Time in the bathroom           To hurry
Sleep                                     Make-up
Diaphragmatic breathing      Apps
Hugs                                      Television
Kisses                                                        
Cuddling
Clean laundry
Nutritious food
Play time
Structure
Laughter

What are some similar things that you have learned as a parent, while YOU have been growing up? Please share.

I Said the C-Word

Holy crud this is tough! Commitment! It sounds so easy and it's really easy to say it, too. "I'm committed."  This used to be my favorite lie. I now know what it really means to be committed, and I do not say that lightly. 

There's no way I'm going back, either. I know my "why" and I know what it takes. I'm committed to it now. I've won over  (insert weakness here). It is now a non-issue.

I get really concerned when I hear people say these things. I get concerned because they've already tossed out the reality that they are human. Because you are human, you have the potential to err. 

Never underestimate the human ability to be utterly oblivious or in complete denial. There is justification for all things, right? This doesn't mean that you should avoid trying to commit to something, someone, or to change in general. 

The burden to correct behavior is ever more present, especially when you have identified your weaknesses. If you are going to be committed to something, try being committed to being "aware", rather than permitting yourself to flirt with whatever is tantalizing to you.

The reality is, if  there was a problem once, you will most likely be tempted by it again. There's one thing I never doubt, and that's my potential to let pride and weakness creep up on me. Next thing you know commitment waivers. This is where the adage, "old habits die hard" has teeth. 

To me, commitment is to stay as far away from it as possible, as well as to try and stay as close as I can to something positive. In order to do so, I have to strip the habits that usually precede the frequent error. 

I have to change or just understand my perception of what it does for me. I also have to foster progression with whatever or whoever I should stay close to.

Staying away from something isn't always considered avoidance. Sometimes it's actually a very wise thing to do. If you know it's a problem, there's no avoiding that acknowledgement. Understanding that you can't be trusted around that thing is key to learning to live as well as to move beyond it.

What is "it" might you ask? Anything qualifies here, so long as it's a problem where self-control goes out the window. You don't need me to list anything here. 

That thing that's been on your mind during this entire blog entry or the one that just popped in your mind a moment ago; yep, those are what need to be worked on most. Those are "it".

When you are aware, commitment naturally tries to follow. Shoot for awareness and being present; see if a few appetites can't be curbed. 

For me, I've found awareness in asking myself "why?" Why do I want it? What just happened to make my commitment waiver? What's my payoff? Who do I hurt?

I'm tired of being trapped by my actions, or in some cases, inaction. What about you?

Personal Development

(last updated: February 17, 2013)

I'm coming from a negative and highly melancholy past. I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. This is why I have been in a persistent quest to shed the negative and seek out the positive. 

In order for me to do this, I have had to consistently improve and challenge my personal development. Essentially, exercise for the heart, mind, and spirit.

Over the past few years, I've had many people ask me what I am reading or what I draw upon to formulate my thoughts. This material is my personal development workout that I just noted above.

I'd like to keep this blog post as a working list, so you can know exactly what has influenced me, as well as new material I find down the road. The materials in this list are not references that I've read just once, but many times. 

There's real truth here, so much so that I've tried to embody the concepts that resonate most. A single reading doesn't suffice for my retention. I read, then practice, then read again. 

Regardless of what any of us read or believe, we must continually strive to develop and grow. It is from this effort that change occurs; where lasting impact is made. 

The impact doesn't always have to be public or grand scale. In fact, some of the biggest impacts I have had, have actually been in my own thinking and in my very own life.

If you have materials that you draw upon for personal development and inner strength, please share. I'm always looking for more. 

I personally really like learning about the United States Presidents in history and really respect David McCullough's writing. So if you are interested in history, any book on just about any president he's written about is darn good. 

Here's the current running list that I have in my personal library. The references with an * are where I would recommend that you start.

In all of these books, you'll learn a lot about what it takes to command in a variety of tough situations, as well as how critical compromise really is. 

Most importantly, you may also learn what it takes to really be true to yourself and stand for something no matter what.

1. * 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
2. * The Art of Exceptional Living by Jim Rohn
3. * Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude by Napoleon Hill
4. Building your Network Marketing Business by Jim Rohn
5. Truman by David G. McCullough
6. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
7. A Thousand Names For Joy by Byron Katie
8. Becoming A Person of Influence By John Maxwell and Jim Dornan
9. * Compound Effect by Darren Hardy
10. Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson
11. Deadly Emotions by Don Colbert
12. Drive by Daniel H. Pink
13. Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
14. * Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
15. Les Miserable by Victor Hugo
16. Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
17. Life Strategies by Dr. Phil McGraw
18. Lincoln's Melancholy by Joshua Wolf Shenk
19. Long Run by Matthew Long
20. Mindbody Prescription: Healing the body, Healing the Pain by John E. Sarno, M.D.
21. Napoleon Hill's Keys to Success: The 17th Principles of Personal Achievement by Napoleon Hill
22. Quitter by John Acuff
23. Quotable C.S. Lewis By Wayne Martindale & Jerry Root
24. Voice of Knowledge by Don Miguel Ruiz 
25. Slow Down Diet: Eating for Pleasure, Energy, & Weight Loss by Marc David
26. Working Toward Excellence: 8 Values for Achieving Uncommon Success in Work and Life by Paul Buyer
27. Yoga: Spirit & Practice of Moving Into Stillness by Erich Shiffman
28. Your Inner Awakening by Byron Katie