Living By Design

Some things simply happen, other things we dream would happen, but everything else we make happen. This is called living by design.

I intermittently suffer from panic and anxiety. It can be crippling at times. On days when it is really bad there is a level of paranoia that I must contend with as well. Panic, anxiety, and paranoia are not a pleasant combination of emotions. I am not embarrassed to admit this, it just is.

Since I have taken a more active role in creating and meeting goals, I have been able to shift my focus from the scary unknown things that I cannot control and instead let in the light from the known things, in order to change my troubled perceptions. 

Easier said than done, yet persistent practice is an amazing tool for any talent that you wish to develop. It is the same with the mind.

Because I struggle in this way, I have become more vocal about sharing tips and tricks that have helped me to see life from a different vantage point and to regain a persistently positive light in my life. 

I now understand that there are a few things in this life that we really do have control over. Consistent and persistent practice makes all of these much more tangible. 

• Thoughts (internal self-talk)
• Words (external self-talk or social interactions)
• Beliefs (willingness to be receptive/open to others' beliefs)
• Response (pausing, thinking, then speaking; stripping the ego from the response)
• Determination (never give up; pause, take a break, rethink the approach; try again)
• Focus (enlightening vs. titillating)
• Kindness (Smile! Say "thank you" and "please.")
• Positive behaviors (Be the kind of person your family and friends think you are.)
• Presence (active listening; face-to-face time with eye-contact; reduce distractions like phone, TV, etc.)

Oftentimes every single one of these require a deep breath, a brief pause, and a little prayer.

As I have tried to incorporate these elements in my daily life, I have been able to live more in the present; reducing the amount of time dwelling in the past and too much worry over the future.

These behaviors have brought a greater focus and implementation of successful behaviors in order to achieve goals. I allow myself to think forward, in a positive manner, to generate a macro-goal list. 

I then break down the big picture and generate a linear micro-goals list. Doing and achieving the little things has long since been a successful way to accomplishing the big ticket goals. It is about conditioning, in order to promote progression.

What would happen to our world if we were all more persistent in living by design in this manner? I think I would like to find out.

Your thoughts?

Seeing Blind People

Maybe if I ride this persons bumper they will speed up or better yet, maybe they will move?

If I cut around this car then I won't have to slow down too... Why are they slowing down?

I can't believe he/she doesn't think that it's not noticeable that they're texting while driving.

Have you ever thought these things?

This summer my son and I were in a car accident and my vehicle was totaled. No injuries, by miracle, but car absolutely gone. Since that time I have seen a flurry of horrible driving. Admittedly, I am a bit afraid to be out on the roads.

I am driving defensively, following all traffic rules and no cutting corners. I've never been in an accident like this before. Sure I've been rear-ended (light tap really), but that's it. 

Yesterday while driving, there was a lady riding my bumper and getting upset that I wasn't driving the way she wanted me to. I could see her upset in the rear-view mirror. 

Without logic or reason I could see her speed up, trying to force me to drive faster. This made me mad because in short order I was going to have to slow down even more to make a right hand turn. 

I pointed in the mirror to her and gestured that she should go around me; seeing as how that lane was absolutely clear! Huffing and puffing she did so and went speeding away.

The next day while attempting to turn right, I yielded to pedestrians as was appropriate to the situation, when behind me some impatient soul illegally zipped around me creating their own two-lane right turn area and he nearly hit the wheelchair pedestrian and a child. I honked for all it was worth to stop the situation. All made it safely out of that situation and the other car found a way to speed off without incident. How? I do not know.

It has been like this all summer. Horrible driving, terrible impatience and people just not being aware. I feel like I am surrounded by people that are physically able to see but mentally blind to the actual surroundings.

My life, my sons, the guy in the wheelchair and the little kids life are not worth your text, your impatience, or you illogical need to dominate the road. 

Slow down. Pay attention. Don't create your own rules on the road. 

Please, do not be a seeing blind person.

Personal Dignity

Last year I was driving and listening to my favorite radio station (KLOVE). At one point someone said something that has lingered in my soul since.

I don't recall the story or the circumstance, but the words still ring in my ears with tremendous importance. The person speaking said: 

"You must be the kind of person your spouse 

and family think you are." ~ Unknown

That resonated because at that time I felt like I was missing the mark in a few different personal relationship areas. It is quite natural to slip into a lull after living on a natural high for so long. 

At some point the human-side takes over for a bit. We all become a bit lax and comfortable when things become "easy." Well I was at that point.

At that moment, I was reminded of a previous blogpost where I addressed this very concept, but from a different vantage point. By the description in that post, I had begun to sink and didn't even know it yet. 

I'm pleased to report that I've picked up my pace and I am now verging on taking my doggie paddle pace into swim-mode again. I know I wouldn't have caught the sinking until much later, had it not been for my personal development efforts keeping me in check.

I know who I am. I know who (I hope) my spouse and family think I am. I sincerely strive to emulate light and courage. I hope that anyone within my reach can come to see just how important and life changing the power of response, visualization, and perspective can be.

Maintaining personal dignity is at the very core of true success. It is about being able to lay your head down at night and rest at ease, knowing you have done your best to stay true to God, your morals, and those closest to you.

When maintaining your personal dignity in this manner, it is much easier to temper and guide your selfish thoughts, passions, and behaviors in the direction of where freedom, love, and honor reside.

This is a little of what I contemplate when I think on the quote: 

"You must be the kind of person your spouse 

and family think you are." ~ Unknown

Damn Potato Chips

I was at the store the other day and saw something that made my heart break.

There was a woman. She was about 5'9" and maybe 350lbs. This isn't what made me sad though, it's what I saw next. 

This woman pushed her cart along and at the end cap of the isle she just had walked by, there were a bunch of potato chips on sale. She went from walking resolutely, to an immediate stop. So immediate it made me pay attention to her. It made me wonder what was wrong.

Then with a big inhale, her hands went to her hips. There was an even bigger exhalation as she looked up to the ceiling. The woman's head dropped and her shoulders slouched dramatically. Then she turned to face the wall of chips. 

This woman reached out her hand with a physical emotion of disgust, and then literally threw a bag of chips into her cart. In anger, she walked away.

Standing there, I wanted to cry. 

I know that feeling. I know that surrender. 

I know that fading resolution.

Just a few days later I had my own experience...

There's something wrong about studying a nutrition book and simultaneous feeling a desire to have a danish and a soda. This is what I face though. 

I am an addict. In recovery for sure, but an addict nonetheless. 

In my college days of yesteryear, I was never studying without 32oz of some sort of beverage. If I had a pastry of some kind as well, then I was really on a roll. To me, this action meant I was hunkering down and studying hard.

How many years has it been since then? Oodles! Here I am, after all that time and I still fight these cravings. Now the difference is that I actually care about what I eat and drink. I am more present with my food choices.

Now I study to continue education and improve not just my health, but the health of others. But no sooner did I cracked open my book then did I want a stupid breaded and cream filled delight. Not just one either. It is literally on the level that I should probably have an addiction recovery sponsor to call - absolutely no joke.

I even just read, not many pages ago, that "Americans still drink nearly twice as many carbonated soft drinks per year as either water or milk." (Wardlaw, 6)

The biggest thing I have learned so far is that after all this time and  effort, I am still retraining my brain to a new appetite. My appetites are clearly a textbook "psychological drive to eat" and not an actual physical hunger. (Wardlaw, 7)

As I inhale and exhale, suddenly I wonder if I am slouching. But I am not. I have a choice. I always have and I always will. I do not have to relent to saturated fat, carbonation, and cream filling. 

In fact, I'm shutting down this computer and going for a jog with my little eleven month old buddy, who is currently playing peek-a-boo with the dogs.

Reference
Wardlaw, G.M. et al (2013). Contemporary Nutrition A Functional Approach. Third Edition. 6-7.

Poetry Corner: Alter Me

I've been thinking a bit about a period of time in my life that I simply didn't enjoy. 

I suppose that I have been thinking about it because I'm extremely thankful that I'm not forcing myself to be there any longer.

Here's a work of mine from that time. I've thought some of writing a companion piece that has a more positive spin from the "alterations" - we'll see. 

Alter Me

a looming haze hovers
slowly descending,
years in the making,
and I sit here
unsettled
waiting powerless
not knowing how or 
in what way
I should prepare...

I can't, I won't
live
this way.

By Diana M. Bateman
2008 ©

It's a struggle to not slide backwards at times. The reality though, is that we are all individual authors and we truly do get to decide our destiny; it's not haphazard. 

I Said the C-Word

Holy crud this is tough! Commitment! It sounds so easy and it's really easy to say it, too. "I'm committed."  This used to be my favorite lie. I now know what it really means to be committed, and I do not say that lightly. 

There's no way I'm going back, either. I know my "why" and I know what it takes. I'm committed to it now. I've won over  (insert weakness here). It is now a non-issue.

I get really concerned when I hear people say these things. I get concerned because they've already tossed out the reality that they are human. Because you are human, you have the potential to err. 

Never underestimate the human ability to be utterly oblivious or in complete denial. There is justification for all things, right? This doesn't mean that you should avoid trying to commit to something, someone, or to change in general. 

The burden to correct behavior is ever more present, especially when you have identified your weaknesses. If you are going to be committed to something, try being committed to being "aware", rather than permitting yourself to flirt with whatever is tantalizing to you.

The reality is, if  there was a problem once, you will most likely be tempted by it again. There's one thing I never doubt, and that's my potential to let pride and weakness creep up on me. Next thing you know commitment waivers. This is where the adage, "old habits die hard" has teeth. 

To me, commitment is to stay as far away from it as possible, as well as to try and stay as close as I can to something positive. In order to do so, I have to strip the habits that usually precede the frequent error. 

I have to change or just understand my perception of what it does for me. I also have to foster progression with whatever or whoever I should stay close to.

Staying away from something isn't always considered avoidance. Sometimes it's actually a very wise thing to do. If you know it's a problem, there's no avoiding that acknowledgement. Understanding that you can't be trusted around that thing is key to learning to live as well as to move beyond it.

What is "it" might you ask? Anything qualifies here, so long as it's a problem where self-control goes out the window. You don't need me to list anything here. 

That thing that's been on your mind during this entire blog entry or the one that just popped in your mind a moment ago; yep, those are what need to be worked on most. Those are "it".

When you are aware, commitment naturally tries to follow. Shoot for awareness and being present; see if a few appetites can't be curbed. 

For me, I've found awareness in asking myself "why?" Why do I want it? What just happened to make my commitment waiver? What's my payoff? Who do I hurt?

I'm tired of being trapped by my actions, or in some cases, inaction. What about you?

Surprise Yourself

Log off. Do the thing that's next on your "To Do" list that you've been putting off for ... forever.  Do the thing that you've said, "someday I'm going to..." 

Do something different than your default activity. Press the off button on anything around you that has the on button currently engaged. 

Go, do and surprise yourself! 

Bye! Have a great weekend!

Drive Through Life

As I have been becoming adjusted to the life of a mother, so many things have taken on new meaning and have brought a heightened level of understanding. Such as the modern day drive-through window.

Goodnight! What used to be a five minute errand has now become 20-30, if things are running smoothly with a babe in tow. This is not a complaint, rather a realization made public. 

I can understand how a tired parent would find it easier to hit a fast food restaurant, using the drive-through window, rather than going home to cook a meal. 

It really doesn't save time at all, but if you are already out and about, it certainly saves on energy devoted to feeding the crew. It also makes more sense why I see minivans pull into a fast food window or quick stop coffee shop, just to get a thirty-two ounce soda or daily coffee. 

The time and hassle of getting in and out of the car with a car seat or child is too much just to get a simple fix of caffeine. I have found myself deliberating the term is "is it worth it?" 

It sure makes things more visible, if you still have a lingering addiction(s). It also brings to light how ingrained old habits are which have long since been broken... they start to creep back in.

Some may think that I am over-thinking this or putting too much pressure on myself, but I don't think that at all. I think I am absolutely worth the effort of questioning this, rather than blindly following convenience and socially accepted norms. 

An occasional stop, wherein I struggle to make the healthiest selection possible is one thing, but more than, say, twice a month... I'm not happy with that.

So the question is, do I condescend to a quick food stop, for sake of sanity and ease but then lose total nutrition? Especially while in the same stop I'm also training my kid(s) into this kind of habit? 

I'm asking myself this question now, because the answer is incredibly important to me. I need to make the decision now - not on the go. 

It may be more difficult to wait a few minutes with an already hungry family to make a better, lower-fat, sugar-reduced or non-fried meal. It may be more inconvenient in the short term, but certainly less so in the long term. 

I'm interested in reducing physical and health-based consequences, not creating them. Is this unrealistic? Only to those that haven't made it a priority to care enough to actually change their behavior. Oops! I said it and may have offended someone, but if I did, then good - it hit home. 

I absolutely refuse to turn around ten years from now and look back to see that it was during this time that I could have committed to not embrace a drive-through life, especially when there were better options and better habits to step into. 

Regardless of the direction, it requires practice. My practice is currently outlined. It is to start: 
1) making and packing lunches if I'm headed out for the day - I've got a cooler and ice packs - they will be used; 
2) driving home, not "through"; 
3) prepare a healthy snack bag to have on hand.

Darn Good Stuff!!!

There is nothing more important that I could do or say today, than to share with you these important truths from Napoleon Hill and the Dalai Lama.

• Napoleon Hill on What the mind can conceive & believe, the mind can achieve. (click here)
• Napoleon Hill on Applied Faith. (click here)
• Dalai Lama on Finding A Purpose In Life. (click here)

It is our mind that is the one of the most neglected muscles, talents, and powers that we have within our possession. God bless you in all your good efforts to become the best person you can be. This is my greatest desire for everyone, everywhere.

Checkmate! ... It's about Visualization, ya baby!

Most people are in a desperate hunt for "that thing" that they can buy or that person that will just make everything better. 

This thing or person somehow will fix or facilitate accomplishing all that your heart desires. When this happens, they (you) are simply seeking an external resolve to an internal problem. Why do this? 

Simply put, when you lose passion for something, for someone, or fail time and time again, it is generally due to the fact that you (or they) have eased up and stopped challenging yourself; you've stopped practicing. 

We lose sight of the plan when we stop thinking about it every day or planning for it. In my mind this happens because of one of the following reasons:

1. Lack of earnest commitment in the beginning.
2. After enough practice and planning, things become easier, we then fail to recognize we need to step it up a notch; or even re-evaluate the plan based on growth and development. 
3. You over-do it because you were too impatient and then you burn yourself out.
4. Visualizing the end result isn't applied.

This is where we stagnate and lose our edge. In other words, this is where we start to lose sight and think the plan is failing. Or you may think that you are failing and either quit or look for an additional external quick fix.

Here's exactly why it's critical to make a plan. Set your goals continually, review them often and visualize how these practice sessions will help you achieve your innermost desires.

The aforementioned applies to relationships, fitness, general health, work, school and more. All four of the above mentioned points are equally important. But I wanted to really point out the second and fourth.

After enough practice and planning things become easier, we then fail to recognize we need to step it up a notch; or even reevaluate the plan based on growth and development. 

Once you practice enough (even with big passions) we tend to get a little lazy. If you did this in a job setting you would get fired eventually. 

However in a professional athlete's world, this is where their trainer will kick it up a notch. You see, you've created a solid base of talent and endurance. It's at this moment you've now really got something to work with. 

This is where the pianist laughs at the days of struggling through the Thompson Piano Books while being frustrated as they prepare for a performance of George Gershwin's Rhapsody In Blue. All of the sudden the old adage of "practice makes perfect" really resonates. 

Even to maintain status quo, there's a level of intermittent challenges that must be endured. We practice fifty-two weeks out of the year, so that we can give a solid performance periodically throughout the year simply to maintain.

Visualizing the end result. This is how we get to the next level mentioned in my previous point. How bad do you want it? 

Have you taken time to mentally visualize yourself actually doing the thing you want to do? This is easier said than done. 

Visualization can sometimes require just as much discipline as practice and planning, if not more - probably because it's that critical. 

The pianist probably listened to Rhapsody In Blue countless times with eyes closed. Hands were pictured playing it as the music progressed. 

This is where the athlete imagined the feel of their body in some position or another in the event. The athlete even has a good idea when to expect complete exhaustion and has pictured what to do to keep moving. 

This is where the Executive makes a masterful play in the office and gets the budget they need approved in order to do amazing things for their employees, as well as for the company.

In order to succeed in these of course, you will have to define your level of commitment (point one) so that you can layout the best plan and follow it. In constantly re-evaluating the plan you also reduce the risk of doing too much too soon thus burning out (point three).

My next plan is to get comfortable submerging my head under water (short term goal), so that I can become a better swimmer (mid-range goal). 

I would like to compete in a triathlon (big goal). It's taken me a long time to just get in the water. A good chunk of time was used to walk around in the water to overcome the feeling of panic. 

I'm now doing simple strokes, but I freak out every time water gets in my nose and mouth. BUT, I have seen me fully engaged in swimming in my minds' eye. It wasn't until I could visualize each of these steps that I could challenge the fear(s) and then do them. I will do this.

What's on your list?

The Power of Experience

Just a fun picture taken of me at the 2011 Boston MS Patient Advocate Conference.

There will come a time when you will be struck to the core and humbled, be it by something personally or vicariously catastrophic. You may very well be struck more than once. 

When that happens though, the question is, will you learn from it and make lasting changes or will you be persistent in believing that there's nothing that requires change?

I personally believe that when these events occur in our lives we have the power to work the catastrophe and manipulate the final effect.

We decide what direction we go in by how we respond to it and then let that choice define our next steps. It is absolutely easier said than done, but it is possible - I have done it, I am doing it and I am not perfect.

In the fall of 1997, singer-songwriter Paula Cole released a song called "I Don't Want To Wait". This song hit me the second I heard it and it just spoke to me in a very big way - even still, but for different reasons now. 

It's the chorus mostly... in all reality, you could insert any story, sing it with the chorus and have it work. Who doesn't, or hasn't wanted to know the end from the beginning? Especially when you're so uncertain about the future.

The chorus reads:

"I don't want to wait 

for our lives to be over,

I want to know right now, 

what would it be.

I don't want to wait 

for our lives to be over,

will it be yes or... sorry?"

What is your story? What has tried to break you... and instead, made you? It doesn't have to be grand. It only had to impact you, change you in some way; that change alone is grand enough.

I am writing this and reflecting upon several things that have happened over the last few days while visiting family, making new friends, and attending a Multiple Sclerosis patient advocate conference in Boston. 

During my visit I've had some tremendous conversations on just about any topic you can think of. And I've seen time and time again that our character has the strength to take a tough thing and make us better. 

It can make you into something powerful beyond measure; a knowledgeable force to be reckoned with. 

If you get nothing else out of this blog entry, I hope you just know that I feel more peaceful about all that has happened and is currently happening in my life. I feel more peaceful about the direction I am headed. 

I strive to choose my response(s) to life and its varied curve-balls wisely. I still feel urgency and want to know what the end will look like already, in every direction of my life. 

However, if the knowledge I have by the time I get there is remotely sweet like the peace it gives me now... well, it will have been worth the wait, struggle, crying, swearing, and more hard decisions. 

Recommitting

The last several blog posts have affected me in a very unexpected way.  In trying to share with you how I feel about food and addressing addictive behaviors, I’ve discovered that I still have a long way to go.  

Cravings I haven’t had in a very long time have resurfaced and I’ve had to battle them – again.  This is a continual battle and one that no one is immune to. 

In other words, this is not something you can achieve and then walk away from. These are lifelong commitments for general physical, mental and spiritual health.

Because of this, I would like to recommit and review things that I learned that have been very valuable to me in my self-discovery and weight loss journey.  

These are core things that I know I need to reengage and continually strive to live by; because I’m simply happier when I do.  

So in making this list, I’m publicly holding myself accountable, as well as maybe helping someone out in the great expanse of the world to gain perspective along with me. 

Diana, You Are Motivated By:

• Good quotes and uplifting stories; keep discovering them.
• Seeing others make plans, engage and succeed in life.
• The knowledge that I am a daughter of God and that all things are possible because of it.
• Good music.

Diana, You Are Healthier When You:

• Drink water only.
• You track your food and employ mindful eating tactics.
• Stick to a daily exercise regimen and keep it challenging.
• Continually make and review goals.
• Stretch multiple times daily.
• Do strength training first, then do cardio so that you are truly burning fat rather than any amount of muscle during your cardio. Muscle assists in burning fat!
• Understand that there are many ways to accomplish things, always believe there is an alternative, especially when the normal path is an obstacle due to disease.

Diana, You Are Happier When You:

• Actively think positive. 
• Frequently review and update your goal list.
• Recognize how richly you are blessed (not talking about money here).
• Pray and give thanks.
• Read scriptures.
• Meditate.
• Honestly engage with yourself and others.
• Speak kindly to and about all people; including yourself.

Getting High

Diana (right, brown sweater) with older sister Melene (left, pushing wheelchair)
at an Multiple Sclerosis Walk event. I love that Melene is pushing her wheelchair in this picture!

I've been thinking about all the prescriptions that have freely been given me over the years when the doctor has said "just in case you need it" even though it's obvious that I'm far from the need. 

Then there are times when I've asked for a certain amount of pain meds to take, as needed, with each injection for my MS medication (four times each month equalling fifty-two pills for one year), yet the prescription comes out at double that... the list can go on. 

But if I lacked some amount of self control or had more addictive behaviors than I already do, I could have totally abused the system in order to essentially get high in a less noticeable way. Case in point, here's a little story.

Once upon a time I couldn't stay awake, alert, or comprehend anything important. I had this fatigue that just took everything out of me. 

Brushing my teeth sometimes drained my energy for several hours. Even my ability to be alert enough to understand relatively simple things was labored. So my doctor prescribed a drug that is actually a type of narcotic. 

This drug is most commonly used as treatment for people suffering from narcolepsy (excessive daytime sleepiness). This helped a great deal for quite some time. 

However, I eventually began to develop a resistance to the medication and rather than following doctors' orders to increase the dosage, I decided to taper off - as I felt that I had become dependent on it in a rather unhealthy way. 

I've had the same reaction to a variety of pain medications; I like how they make me feel and sometimes not feel. But this pill that I was given to help me manage my fatigue...this is pretty powerful stuff and sometimes even used to help people recover from a cocaine or opiate dependence. 

I wanted the higher doses, I craved to have more, and this desire frankly scared me.

Why did I opt to back off the drug?

• I found that even just thinking about it made me alert with excitement.
• I recognized that the drug had done its job. It changed my body chemistry to some degree, to get me going again - jump start complete.

Yes, medications have their purpose(s) and can be very helpful; just not always as prescribed. You need to think of yourself as a collaborator with your doctor; puzzling out the best way to help you. 

Your intellect knows when you need something. You also know better when you should stop. It's a matter of listening to your gut, trusting it and then following it.

I had a very interesting time getting off this drug. In efforts to taper off, I'd reduce dose, then take one every other day (as needed), cut the pill in half again and so on. 

I struggled some with fatigue but it was more manageable this time. The fatigue I was experiencing at this point was from a chemical dependence to the drug itself, more than any physical dysfunction. It was at this time I was introduced to energy drinks.

I ended up leaning on energy drinks for support, especially while driving. That worked extremely well, but... at the cost of now yellowing teeth and still in some fashion, a chemical dependence. 

I walked away from this prescribed drug, but walked right into another addiction. On some level I'm still pretty much a junkie (thanks to energy drinks). 

I have found that I have physically needed this drug (i.e., energy drink). I yearned for it, I thought about it, I shook inside I wanted it so bad. 

I found that I was staying alert just thinking about it. Sound familiar? How on earth is this healthy? It's not.

Why did I opt to back off the energy drinks? 

• I found that even just thinking about it made me alert with excitement.
• I recognized that the drink had done its job. It aided in walking away from a very potent prescribed drug and kept me functionally alert - jump start complete.

Relying on a chemical for a jolt, be it opiates (even prescribed), caffeine or energy drinks still messes with your inner workings. 

My poor kidneys and pancreas have a taken a brutal assault over the years. I've been off this lethargy medication for over five years now. 

I'm still not completely 100% off the energy drinks, but I'm getting there. In order to do this, I've turned to walking.

The other day I went for a brisk six mile walk and you know I was just as energized from that than I was from being loaded on prescribed meds or after having downed an eight to twelve ounce energy drink. 

I started this walk out with little to no energy whatsoever, which is honestly why I went on the walk - to get my energy back. 

Eventually, I began to feel energized and I ended up doing six miles while keeping a consistent brisk pace. Over time, walking has encouraged running. But there are definitely times when walking is all I can pull out of me.

Why do I opt to stick with walking? 

• I found that even just thinking about makes me excited; mostly because I'm thrilled that I now have the ability to do it.
• I have recognized that simply walking has given me energy when I thought I had none. Walking keeps me from getting stiff, which happens easily due to my MS. 
• Walking keeps me functional, alert, calm and at peace. 
• Lifelong jump start engaged!

Isn't it kind of cool that physical activity is oftentimes just as effective (if not more so) than a strong medication or an energy drink? 

The physical activity is also generally longer lasting with a lot fewer hazardous side effects and it is indeed a lot cheaper. Just sayin'....

Recovery

I was sitting at my desk at work the other day when I heard a soda can being opened. I was amazed by the instantaneous physical and mental response I had to that sound. 

I immediately started to salivate and found myself having a difficult time concentrating on the task in front of me. I was dwelling on the can and the fizz of carbonation. I was mentally starving for a fix. 

I needed a can of my own to make that sound and then swallow enough soda feverishly, so that I could get the burning fix of a carbonated rush in my throat. I needed the soothing relief of a soda hit. 

It’s been quite a while since my last drink of some sort of cola. I’m not even sure I can recall when that was. After all this time of living a water only lifestyle, I still get hit with the sensation of addiction.

We all have moments similar to this with one vice or another, but it’s how we cope with them that really affects us, as well as foreshadows our future response(s) when we face them the next time. It even bleeds into our general ability of self-control.

This could be similar to a variety of challenges that you face, maybe not with a caffeinated beverage, but I think you get my point. 

In this particular case though, once I was able to temper the shaking need in my mind, I began to ask myself:  What am I missing? What am I really starving for? What is lacking enough in my life, to make me feel the stinging need of a fix this time? What’s been happening in my life lately? What really needs feeding?

Sometimes you may not even think about why you want that soda; you may just have an immediate response to dig in your wallet and make your purchase at the break room machine. 

That may not even be enough, you might actually pick up and go to the convenience store, so that you can have a larger quantity or you might simply need a fountain drink rather than a can; because that is your psychological preference for a satisfying fix.  

You might even be salivating now reading about this. Why? Is it because it reminds you that you are lacking in some way and you need to have the void numbed with your vice of choice, so you can be relieved once again from having to actually think about the real reason you feel empty in some way?

Today I successfully circumvented the burning need by drinking a lot of water then going for a short brisk walk…  not once, not twice, but three times! All just to shake the burning need for something that I already decided I really didn’t want in my life anymore.

So why did I struggle with this issue, in this way, after all this time? I think it was because I really didn’t want to be at work. I had other things on my mind that currently have a higher priority to me. 

The reality though, is that I have an obligation to this job and because of that I must set the things that I really want to do aside, for a time, in order to meet all demands on my plate. 

The frustrating thing is that I didn’t understand all of this until my third walk. It may have taken a little while to come to that conclusion, but I got there without a soda. I'm pretty sure that this is called progress! Yeah for small triumphs!