Progress Day

It is three years ago tomorrow that while I was running, I was chased by an unknown assailant (click here for the story). Thank you so much for your support and prayers while I may have needed more help than normal and for such an ongoing amount of time. I am sincerely thankful for all the prayers, positivity, and patience with me during all that mess. I have been so frustrated and so focused on my recovery, that I haven't kept this blog very well.

After my first foot surgery, I was told by my first doctor that I would never run again. After that surgery my foot broke again, while I was simply walking. I sought a new doctor. 

After the second foot surgery, I asked the second doctor if I would ever run again, he said, “Do you want to run again?” I told him that I did, he said, something along the lines that if I were patient with my healing, I could “do anything that I set the mind to do."

I have worked very hard to be as patient I can be. I am not fast and I don't go very far right now, but I can run! On that note... Tomorrow I will be celebrating by going for a run. 

If there has been something in your life, that you feel you have had to work with all your patience for, I would like to encourage you to begin to act. Put that patience to work and progress that thing in whatever way is appropriate for you, at this time.

To me, November 1st is now "Progress Day". How will you progress yourself today?

Live, love, fight for YOU and don’t hold back. 

R.I.P. In Life and Death

In the last two weeks my younger sister, Rebecca (age 35), passed away and my husband was deployed.

During this time I have had some of the sweetest moments of my life.

God is good to me. Life is beautiful, no matter how ugly people can be to each other. 

So often we hear the term "rest in peace" (R.I.P.) in reference to the dead, but it has a greater application. We should be able to rest with a peaceful heart in life as well as in death. 

Yes, this has been a tough time for me, but peace has been ever present during this time as well.

I would give more detail if I could articulate it. But the details aren't as important as the take home message noted above.

Going With The Flow

Have you ever been in a circumstance where you could clearly see that "the moment" would be a source of real change? You know where recognition of something becomes the point of no return?

I've hit that tipping point a few times. My favorite is when I tried to run from a relationship because I was scared. 

Instead of breaking up (like I had intended), he asked me to marry him. Without thought or reservation I said "yes!" In that moment I realized I meant it. It has been an adventurous twelve years for sure; a good adventure!

What about other times? This point of no return moment has happened with job changes, death, education pursuits, starting a family, building relationships, leaving relationships, and so on.

What about those times when you recognize change is happening, but you just don't know what it is. You know that weird time where things in general have gone from comfortable to awkward?

I feel awkward. I feel definitive pulls to go this way, to do that thing, focus here, put effort there. I also feel real obstacles every step of the way. It's like I am in a game of chess, without being privy to or having a total vantage point of the board. I also realize that I'm not supposed to either.

It is like I have a blindfold on and being subjected to a test of some sort. So what do you do in these moments? 

I have no idea. But I do know what I am going to do about it.

I've decided to live life anyway. I am doing well. I am making good decisions that are appropriate for what is in front of me. Why should a looming, unknown outcome change my course?

The natural ebb and flux of life, mixed with a little unknown nudging will put me just right where I need to be... right? So, I live. I take care of obligations. I stick with commitments. All while feeling a little uneasy. And so it goes... 

In Heat

It was totally fun to name this entry "In Heat", I am absolutely chuckling over it. Hehehehehe, sigh, where's my maturity? Okay, moving on now. 

I've already established in several blog entries that high temperatures are not my friend - thank you multiple sclerosis! However, I am determined to try to change my perspective of heat. Especially at this moment while I am feeling a bit trapped indoors this summer. So, when is heat good for people like me? 

1. I don't know about you, but internal heat from exercise is tolerable for me. I'm a bit addicted to it. 
2. Sometimes, I turn the air conditioning up really high so that I get very cold, just so that when I go outside during the summer I am happy to be in the heat while I move from car to building or inside my home to water the garden.
3. I very much like my husband. Yeah for "intimate heat"! It's true! I'm just sayin'...
4. I love running in cold or cooler temperatures (25-55), because the heat generated from running balances out the cold to make me feel perfectly content.
5. Heat as applied to certain food keeps my stomach happy.
6. Hot chocolate, herbal tea, cider! Yum!

Okay, now I feel a bit better and I have enjoyed a good laugh. How about you? What do you like about the heat? Please keep it clean use #3 as a cleanliness guide. Even if you don't have a condition where hot temperatures is a problem. Share!

Living in Faith and Courage

Someone asked me recently, "what made it possible to change from living in fear to living in faith and courage?" This is an extremely good question.

When I was living in fear, I was allowing myself to be ruled by self doubt, which was fueled by false perceptions. These false perceptions were not limited to just myself, but the world, as well as my role within it. I had truly believed that I was insignificant and easily discarded. Please note the past tense tone of that last statement.

Because I felt that I was insignificant and easily discarded, I feared that my entire existence didn't matter. I believed that I was one hundred percent replaceable in every way. Fear was a natural result. This childhood fear definitely lingered well into my adult years.

I would come in and out of this phase and thinking periodically, but it was never a lasting feeling. With such strong limiting beliefs, how on earth could I matter in the grand scheme of things? In what possible way could I bring any value to the world at all?

Then there was a series of events that completely upended this fear-based line of thinking. 

SITUATION: I had a talk with God one day and I asked, if I was so replaceable and insignificant, then why am I here? I believed God to be a kind and a loving God, but if I was here on earth without a purpose or any meaning, then that was just simply cruel.

RESULT: God found a way to let me know that I was of value, but more importantly I believed it. Here's how He did it.

The way in which I learned that I was of value and significance was during the time I was watching my father-in-law slowly die. God spoke to me in my heart during this time. I am not sure that I can describe it, but it was powerful and undeniable. Here were some of the thoughts I was having.

My father-in-law was prone to melancholy and depressive thoughts, yet he had impacted so many lives for good - more than he had impacted them in negative ways. I then thought about others that had "impact" and "value" in the world both on a grand scale as well as in my own personal life. 

Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln, and Oprah Winfrey are truly great people - but with some pretty big issues and faults. But they persevered and continued forward to the best of their ability. They persistently and consistently worked hard to live good lives. Their best efforts changed lives for the better.

On a personal note and as further proof, there's Mrs. Wasden who was my fourth grade teacher. Because of her example I learned to love reading and writing. She is a good woman, with a beautiful light to share with the world. 

All Mrs. Wasden cared about was God, her family, her students... ginger snaps and root beer flavored hardtack candy. Yet, when in her presence, you were made to feel as though you were the top priority - even in a crowded room.

As I reflected on these experiences, they became a serious ongoing boost to my faith. If my imperfect melancholy father-in-law, Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Oprah Winfrey, and Mrs. Wasden can impact even one person to change their life for the better, well then...that was a life well spent.

When you have faith-uplifting experiences like this, it creates an energy and courage within. When this happens, the world seems to change right in front of your eyes.


SITUATION: Because of the increase in faith and courage, I felt more daring to try things, to be more involved, and more than that - to believe that my contribution to a variety of events in life actually mattered. 

RESULT: All the sudden I felt a surge of energy, an almost "unleashing" and urgency to live life fully. Why? Because someone out there needed me. Someone out there could have their life changed for the better, just because I had the words and maybe even the actions at the right time to be the linchpin to their unleashing. 

Wham! Bam! All of the sudden I can see that I am in no way insignificant. Of course I matter! Of course I have value! Now that I understand this, how could I have fear? How could I not have courage? 

It was at this time that I first heard Gandhi's quote, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." He said it so simply. It was as if it could happen, just like that. Just all the sudden, "be the change."

I've since discovered that it is possible to all of the sudden just "be the change." Your habitual doubts and historical behavior are an ongoing obstacle, but it is possible to change them as you create new habits. It requires practice, but it is possible.

To value or not to value? Why is this even a question?

In his 2008 TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) presentation on "Why we make bad decisions," Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert said something that really resonated with me. He said, "Comparison only changes the value of what's in front of us." He then of course continued explaining the science behind making choices.

In the scientific information presented, the data was from how comparison changes the value of monetary things like entertainment, equipment, cars, and the like. Eventually he broadened the application of it.

The entire time though, that line repeated in my head and I was applying the impact to my personal life.

"Comparison only changes the value 
of what's in front of us."

Every time I think about it, I'm left emotionally stunned.

The concept is applicable to everything, but the image that seems to stick in my mind, with regards to this quote, is me watching and admiring beautiful people while simultaneously conjuring an image of me in my mind's eye. Once I have the image, the comparison begins.

So in this example of comparison, it is my own personal value that decreases. I say decreases because very rarely is it anything different.

In reality though, the value of any person isn't any more or less than another. You are more than a body, a profession, or where you live. We are all of great value to someone. Why not love ourselves for who we are, just as we are. Why not love ourselves? After all, someone else does.

From Birth to Death

Watching my little eight-month old son grow, develop, and learn has been an amazing process to watch. There are so many parallels that can be drawn from this time of life.

From birth to death we continually struggle to grow, develop, and learn. 

Although there may be frustration in learning: how to turn from our back to our stomach, incorporating hand-eye coordination, potty training, reading, writing, math... it all fits together. Each thing we learn builds on itself, to improve our turn on earth.

Each experience builds on the next. Each repeated and applied movement or thought develops a skill. If a baby didn't strive to do new things, it simply wouldn't thrive.

How are we, as adults, any different?

It would be nice if things were easier all the time, but where would be the growth? Where would be the knowledge? If we weren't challenged, things would stay the same all the time. Then there's boredom, stasis - a true lacking.

There are times that I can't help but feel that I am being watched, just like I'm watching my son. Sometimes the watcher is a mentor, parental figure, family that have passed on and that are watching from the other side, and God.

All of these figures at some point watch, sometimes with baited breath and excitement, wondering... "Is this the moment we see her do it?"

It may have taken days, months, years or a lifetime. To see all of the critical developmental stages; the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, etc.

We are excited to see certain growth unfold and then there are times we cringe at less desirable, less effective application of skill or dormancy of it as well. But this is also part of the process, isn't it?

The concept still stands though. We must strive to face challenges, and overcome them in order to thrive (to triumph, succeed, learn, grow).

I'm convinced that as long as we continually strive from birth to death to grow, develop, and learn to the best of our ability, we are destined to live a good life - no matter the environment or the circumstance.

I don't want to "go gentle into that good night"* with people watching in ambivalence, relief, or lack of emotion. No, that is definitely a moment that I hope I am surround by people with baited breath and excitement, wondering... "Is this the moment we see her do it?" 

                                              

*Dylan Thomas

Stimulating Freedom

I've recently memorized a quote that provides serious empowerment. Who doesn't need to be empowered and to feel the energy from it? So here's the quote and my thoughts. If you have anything to share about it, please do.

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. 

In that space is our power to choose our response. 

In our response lies our growth and our freedom." 

~ Viktor E. Frankl 

It's that darn "space" mentioned in the quote that gets me.

That space feels so small, but it is actually quite large, yet we oftentimes respond in a quick second. The following are questions I ask myself about the space:

Is the stimulus good, bad, desired, undesirable? If the stimulus is a good thing, then I am going to go out on a limb and assume that my response will be good too.

If the stimulus is bad, then the following thoughts come to my mind when questioning this space.

• Do you willingly ignore that you actually have decision making power when the stimulus appears?
• Do you ponder the stimulus and then relent? 
• Do you talk to yourself to try to understand why the stimulus is  actually a stimulus?
• Do you try to talk yourself out of the stimulus as being tantalizing?
• Do you try to rationalize stimulus so that you can continue with the preferred response?
• Do you ignore the stimulus and let it subconsciously fester?

The list could really go on, but I'll stop there. I don't know about anyone else, but I've found that the largest portion of that "space" is occupied by choices that generally follow the path of least resistance. In other words, giving in. 

If we don't just give in, then within the space there's a sub-space that we use. That sub-space determines so few of our decisions. It's the sub-space we really want to be in as often as we can.

It's not until I persistently rest in that hard to reach sub-space of "the space" that I am able to respond the way that is really the best for me. Those choices are the ones I rarely ever regret.

I've been using the recitation of this quote to change some of my unwanted habitual behaviors. I'm using this quote to help me reach the sub-space more frequently; to make me more aware.

I believe this is a healthy way to retrain my brain to view certain stimuli differently. The effort is to reassign the stimulus to be no longer tantalizing and recognize it for what it actually is, damaging. 

It's efforts like this that have helped me train my brain time and time again with many different habits. I take comfort in the part of the quote where it says that in this effort we can find freedom in our responses. 

Freedom from unwanted stimulus would be awesome. Yea for continually discarding guilt!

It's like Jim Rohn says, "Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgment, repeated everyday."

Poetry Corner: Alter Me

I've been thinking a bit about a period of time in my life that I simply didn't enjoy. 

I suppose that I have been thinking about it because I'm extremely thankful that I'm not forcing myself to be there any longer.

Here's a work of mine from that time. I've thought some of writing a companion piece that has a more positive spin from the "alterations" - we'll see. 

Alter Me

a looming haze hovers
slowly descending,
years in the making,
and I sit here
unsettled
waiting powerless
not knowing how or 
in what way
I should prepare...

I can't, I won't
live
this way.

By Diana M. Bateman
2008 ©

It's a struggle to not slide backwards at times. The reality though, is that we are all individual authors and we truly do get to decide our destiny; it's not haphazard. 

How To Pee Your Pants and Still Be Sexy

Hello. I am thirty-something and in the last week I have peed my pants (and more) on more than one occasion. I stopped counting at three. It's literally been a non-stop issue for most of the week. There was one day  when it happened several times.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think there are more than a few people out there who might get something out of this post. Managing chronic disease is a humbling experience, and touches most every aspect of one's life.

When I say humbling, I mean downright frustrating, challenging, irritating, embarrassing, and all sorts of other "-ings" that shall not be uttered here. In all reality, my cognitive functions just aren't able to pull together what those other "-ings" are right now.

Despite all the "ings" the show must go on! I still have things to do, and a life to lead. I still have responsibilities, including the mountain of laundry that has been mysteriously growing without regard to my efforts in the matter.

In efforts to cope with my frustrations constructively. I got on the elliptical tonight to use my frustrated energy in a constructive way; as well as to just feel good. Exercise does that for me.

While on the elliptical I came to the realization that I have recently let a few things into my diet that I know don't work well for me. So... there are a few food items I am tossing out tomorrow morning, and a few unopened items I will be donating.

I have a newborn and a chronic disease. I am sleep deprived and I need to be more focused on taking extra special care of me. I am not superhuman - but super sexy, according to my husband (he's standing over me as I type and has forced me to add that last little bit).

What does taking extra special care of me translate into?

• personal daily devotionals,
• good diet,
• solid and consistent exercise,
• sleep,
• asking for help,
• laughing more than once a day,
• and of course, having clean underwear!

In working on taking extra special care of myself, as my body becomes acclimated to a new norm, I need to remember just how blessed I really am. Currently I feel most blessed to have access to a washing machine, dryer, lots of under clothing, and a crazy husband who says I'm super sexy - even as I write a blog post on messing my pants.

Don't Hold Your Breath

Have you ever noticed yourself holding your breath? I became very curious about the effects when I was catching myself doing it. I noticed that I used to hold my breath just prior to a panic attack or when I was feeling stressed. 

In order to combat the panic and stress, I decided, I should learn what the impact of holding my breath might be. Here's what I learned in the simplest way I can explain it.

Every function of your body needs energy in order to work. A simple example of this is your muscles. In order for your muscles to contract, they must burn energy to perform that function. The body gets this energy from combining the food you eat with the oxygen you breathe. 

There are a variety of chemical reactions that occur in the body, like feeding the muscles, and the processes require oxygen. When you persistently hold your breath you interrupt and frustrate all those processes. 

Now, I'm not saying that swimmers and musicians, people who frequently hold their breath in order to perform, will have all their systems shut down and die a miserable death. What I am saying is that those who frequently hold their breath without thinking, as a response to stress, are in danger of very many side effects.

Breath holding during food consumption is also common. Generally it's due to eating too fast. Being so focused with the idea of getting food in you quickly, or eating without thought and wondering where it all went... this is not good. Slow down, consider the food. Let your body register the flavors. 

Also, holding your breath while conscious is not really any different than struggling with sleep apnea. In fact, the effects are pretty much the same.

Our bodies need a continuous supply of food and oxygen to maintain energy throughout the day and during performance activities. 

It's kind of like keeping a pleasant camp-side fire going for cooking purposes; not letting it get too feverish or letting it die down too low for the purpose it was created for.

During the night, the campfire slowly becomes barely existent, but still warm and present. If it dies, it still has enough life in it that it's not too tough to rekindle. When you wake up and feed the body at breakfast, you are simply rekindling the energy of the fire (of your body). 

If you take in too much food too quickly, your oxygen intake is off balance for the task ahead. Essentially you have an out of control bonfire and anything could happen. You've little to no control over the effects. In fact, when your body breaks down the food, glucose is created and as your body breaks that down, the result is the creation of carbon dioxide. 

As we've learned from over-abundant environmental studies, too much carbon dioxide can cause damage to your muscles and other body parts. Many other things can happen, but that's as simple as I can get it.

Now, there are times where controlled breathing can be a good thing for the body; like yoga, managing hyperventilation, playing an instrument, swimming. The difference though, is that this is controlled in such a way that there are real benefits to the body, soul, and mind. 

Controlled burns in the environment can be a good thing. But get crazy with it and unobservant, just like with anything else and...well...anything good can become a bad thing if left unchecked.

Holding your breath can quite literally hinder your weight-loss efforts, emotional well being, panic, performance, attitude, blood pressure, metabolism, brain function, alertness, and so forth.

There's a lot more about holding your breath where science and technical jargon would need to be used in order to delve deeper than my surface banter in this blog post. 

I personally have experienced the benefits of conciously changing my unsteady breathing practices. There's so much benefit to bringing consciousness to your breathing habits.

It's important to strive to correct poor breathing habits so that you don't interrupt the goals that you are trying to achieve. Once again, anything good can become a bad thing if left unchecked.

Poetry Corner: Pristine Pools

Today I have been thinking a lot about Yellowstone National Park. Why? Hmm, I could say that it's because I would like to get away to a natural retreat and enjoy the splendor of the earth. But in all reality my inner emotions have been all over the place. The erratic internal volatility of the need to take my son and husband and just get away is on the overwhelming side of things. It sure would be nice to say: Dear Reality, would you please go sit in the corner over there while I take my dreams and go this way?

While I have been thinking this way today, I remembered a poem I wrote the last time I was at Yellowstone (see below). It was such a beautiful place, but its beauty was created out of seriously volatile events over a very long period of time. It's amazing to me that water by appearance is so beautiful, yet has become incredibly deadly to the touch. Now I'm not saying that through tough times in my life I have been made so beautiful that if you come near me I might melt your skin off, like out of some Indiana Jones movie. What I am saying is that: 1) Tough times can make beautiful things happen. 2) Patience has the capacity to create tremendous power. 3) If I remain aware, I will be less likely to lose sight of what is really important. 

I have the choice of how I will react. I have the choice of finding a way to thrive in the now, always. Tough things happen. Hard decisions have to be made. And the beauty in this is that, I have a choice. Decisions, decisions, decisions!

Pristine Pools

treading the planks

of this forsaken land

I ponder the life and

death of all I see…

a boiling brew of earth

begins to drum erratically

occasionally gurgling its refrain,

as a foul misty stench

coats my skin with an unusual warmth,

and my lungs begin to burn

elements combine,

molding everything together …

dying beautifully

deep within this fissure

I feel the foul heat begin to call –

an inexplicable urge to touch

the prismatic lake

ricochets

within me…

staring at the mouth wide open

I am temporarily paralyzed –

I feel my beauty fade

the longer I gaze, yet

I am captivated

by the subtle harshness

hidden between the vapor,

I remain –

looking into the clearest chasm

below the calm basin

images of terror dance off-beat

as the earth ruptures inward

while pain echoes,

migrating deeper

agitating the fragile balance

not yet ready to burst

not yet ready to take me…

I am suddenly released

with a promise

and a threat

By Diana M. Bateman

2005 ©

Poetry Corner: Prickly Pear

Here's a good example of how the meaning of a work can be interpreted differently, based on experience. Today, I am hot and frustrated because... for one brief moment I came out of alignment with the universe and have a bad attitude about nothing in particular. I'm thirsty, and for some reason, I am craving all the things that I have already decided are not good for me. I am, in a sense, a prickly person inside. So here is a work I penned while exploring Carlsbad, New Mexico; a very beautiful place by the way. 

Prickly Pear

                                                As I undress

                                                this prickly pear

                                                I imagine

                                                                        desert kisses

                                                                        massaging

                                                                        my throat

                                                                        needles become pliable

                                                                        making acupuncture

                                                                        pleasurable

                                                                        red fruit

                                                                                    and blood marry

consummating

everything

inside

me

By Diana M. Bateman
2005©

Now that I have shared, I am on my way to meditate and recognize that all is well. I need to quench a thirst that, I think, only meditation can bring. 

In Three Days and I'll Find Out

In three short days I will find out what it's like to be a person with Multiple Sclerosis running the Wasatch Back Ragnar (June 15 and 16). To read more about what this is and why the heck I am doing it, click here read and watch me talk about it in our team video.

At this point I'm making a plea to all who are willing. I need the prayers of whoever is willing to offer them. I should be running leg #3 (6.8miles) on Friday morning around 9:45am MST; leg #15 (4.9miles) on Friday night around 7pm MST; leg #27 (7.7miles) by about 6:30am MST on Saturday.

These are my concerns and my personal prayers:

• Please may my body be able to handle any heat that I may be in. 
• Please let the resting I've done be enough for my right foot. 
• Please let the never-ending lack of sensation in my left knee not be an issue, especially in the two big descents at the beginning and then the end of leg twenty-seven when I'm especially worn out.
• Please let there be a headwind as I descend the big hills in leg twenty-seven.
• Please let my mind be strong and focused.

I am so very thankful for the blessings I've been given to get to this point. It's not by talent. It's by making a decision, committing to the details and then submitting myself to God; who has given me so much. To Don, thank you for helping me find my courage without being afraid to act on it.

It's My Hips Isn't It?!

Use your assets to reach new heights. You might dislike some of those assets, but they are yours, so why not make the most of them?

My hips and saddlebags have always been a trial in my life. I buy bigger pants specifically to get them up and over my hips; however to keep from showing crack I need to wear a belt. 

My hips and saddle bags sometimes make me feel like I should be yelling giddy-up while walking up the stairs at work though. It takes a lot of energy to move those things! 

However, while playing basketball, my hips are highly sought after. I have command over the area around me, because my hips are powerful, immovable, and nearly unstoppable. On the court, my hips are coveted. Here we are again, back at "perspective".

The other night I started a new course at the local community college on Body Image. I'm really excited and nervous about the content and conversations we'll be having over the next eight weeks. 

In this introductory course I heard something that I know I've heard before, but this time I understood it. 

My instructor said that "body image isn't inherent, rather it is cultivated; it is learned"... this resonated and all of the sudden I felt physically and mentally light; for just a brief moment. 

I felt light because I knew that just like other things that can be learned, if not practiced it can be lost, but with appropriate effort it can be rewritten. 

I've been actively engaged in trying to view myself differently for the past few years. This change in perspective has come via hard work, as previously described in several posts (such as in Mirror Therapy, Digging Deep, It's About Visualization, Doing Most Everything, The Power of Experience, Get In My Belly Parts 1, 2, & 3, Worth The Effort, and My Road Back). 

It's been a work in progress to walk away with the realization that what I felt as a socially awkward and over-indulged kid, doesn't have to continue. 

The frustration I feel over my darn gut, triceps area, hips and thighs can be reduced, simply by changing my perspective about them. I'm sure over the next few weeks I will come to understand even more about creating an even more positive body image. 

I believe good things will come of this course that I'm in, because I'm already in a receptive state of mind. I owe it to myself to continually create a better understanding. 

After all the weight I've lost I was bound to have some residual effects of loose skin. The skin is pulling tight over time though. It just takes time.

Darn Good Stuff!!!

There is nothing more important that I could do or say today, than to share with you these important truths from Napoleon Hill and the Dalai Lama.

• Napoleon Hill on What the mind can conceive & believe, the mind can achieve. (click here)
• Napoleon Hill on Applied Faith. (click here)
• Dalai Lama on Finding A Purpose In Life. (click here)

It is our mind that is the one of the most neglected muscles, talents, and powers that we have within our possession. God bless you in all your good efforts to become the best person you can be. This is my greatest desire for everyone, everywhere.

My F-Words

Fantastic   *   Fearless   *   Friend   *   Fortunate   *   Fighter

The F-word kept creeping up in my mind for several weeks... well, most of April and much of May...but it seemed to begin dissipating since yesterday, actually. 

But the F'n-this and F'n-that has been dominating my internal response to things. Thankfully I've been able to keep it internal. But it's been an internal persistent dwelling and contemplation of language I just really don't use. 

Earlier this week I was able to grab my brain, give it a good talking to and say, think of this entire situation differently, dammit! Dammit... now that's more like me. A D-word has a more satisfactory cacophony than an F does anyway.

So the situation doesn't really matter, it could be any situation, but my response to it wasn't doing me any favors. 

As a matter of fact, I ended up with a monster cold sore on my lip. The cold sore went hog wild on half my face in t-minus two seconds.

In efforts to actively try and change my attitude and reaction to the situation (because that's the only thing I really have control over anyway), I decided I needed new F-words. 

This decision was in an effort to try and add a positive spin to the... crud. Though the situation is truly F'd up, I am indeed physically feeling Fantastic. 

I am moving Fearlessly forward with my own personal goals. I have awesome Friends that support me in tremendous ways. 

Because of the Fantastic health, Fearless persistence and downright awesome Friends, I have the strength in me to continue on; continuing on in spite of opposition means that I am a Fighter in every sense of the word. 

So mentally when I think f-f-f-f-f it now comes out sounding like f-f-fighter! So there! Bring on the weekend!

Fantastic   *   Fearless   *   Friend   *   Fortunate   *   Fighter

Friday 13th

Every Friday the 13th I can't help but think of the day I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (Friday, June 13, 2003). 

Please know that the dark omen of this date in no way reflects my future. I have the power to alter my own future, even with disease. 

The power of this rests solely in my attitude, which dictates how I respond to life. It is slippery and difficult to hold on to, but I... you... we have the power to give our best response to life. 

What happens in this life doesn't matter that much, rather it's the way we respond to it that shapes our character, our destiny (see Epictetus). You have the power. 

Checkmate! ... It's about Visualization, ya baby!

Most people are in a desperate hunt for "that thing" that they can buy or that person that will just make everything better. 

This thing or person somehow will fix or facilitate accomplishing all that your heart desires. When this happens, they (you) are simply seeking an external resolve to an internal problem. Why do this? 

Simply put, when you lose passion for something, for someone, or fail time and time again, it is generally due to the fact that you (or they) have eased up and stopped challenging yourself; you've stopped practicing. 

We lose sight of the plan when we stop thinking about it every day or planning for it. In my mind this happens because of one of the following reasons:

1. Lack of earnest commitment in the beginning.
2. After enough practice and planning, things become easier, we then fail to recognize we need to step it up a notch; or even re-evaluate the plan based on growth and development. 
3. You over-do it because you were too impatient and then you burn yourself out.
4. Visualizing the end result isn't applied.

This is where we stagnate and lose our edge. In other words, this is where we start to lose sight and think the plan is failing. Or you may think that you are failing and either quit or look for an additional external quick fix.

Here's exactly why it's critical to make a plan. Set your goals continually, review them often and visualize how these practice sessions will help you achieve your innermost desires.

The aforementioned applies to relationships, fitness, general health, work, school and more. All four of the above mentioned points are equally important. But I wanted to really point out the second and fourth.

After enough practice and planning things become easier, we then fail to recognize we need to step it up a notch; or even reevaluate the plan based on growth and development. 

Once you practice enough (even with big passions) we tend to get a little lazy. If you did this in a job setting you would get fired eventually. 

However in a professional athlete's world, this is where their trainer will kick it up a notch. You see, you've created a solid base of talent and endurance. It's at this moment you've now really got something to work with. 

This is where the pianist laughs at the days of struggling through the Thompson Piano Books while being frustrated as they prepare for a performance of George Gershwin's Rhapsody In Blue. All of the sudden the old adage of "practice makes perfect" really resonates. 

Even to maintain status quo, there's a level of intermittent challenges that must be endured. We practice fifty-two weeks out of the year, so that we can give a solid performance periodically throughout the year simply to maintain.

Visualizing the end result. This is how we get to the next level mentioned in my previous point. How bad do you want it? 

Have you taken time to mentally visualize yourself actually doing the thing you want to do? This is easier said than done. 

Visualization can sometimes require just as much discipline as practice and planning, if not more - probably because it's that critical. 

The pianist probably listened to Rhapsody In Blue countless times with eyes closed. Hands were pictured playing it as the music progressed. 

This is where the athlete imagined the feel of their body in some position or another in the event. The athlete even has a good idea when to expect complete exhaustion and has pictured what to do to keep moving. 

This is where the Executive makes a masterful play in the office and gets the budget they need approved in order to do amazing things for their employees, as well as for the company.

In order to succeed in these of course, you will have to define your level of commitment (point one) so that you can layout the best plan and follow it. In constantly re-evaluating the plan you also reduce the risk of doing too much too soon thus burning out (point three).

My next plan is to get comfortable submerging my head under water (short term goal), so that I can become a better swimmer (mid-range goal). 

I would like to compete in a triathlon (big goal). It's taken me a long time to just get in the water. A good chunk of time was used to walk around in the water to overcome the feeling of panic. 

I'm now doing simple strokes, but I freak out every time water gets in my nose and mouth. BUT, I have seen me fully engaged in swimming in my minds' eye. It wasn't until I could visualize each of these steps that I could challenge the fear(s) and then do them. I will do this.

What's on your list?

Attack! 100-days or bust!

This last Summer and Fall I found I was getting pretty annoyed with the negativity that I was seeing on Facebook and very sad about the job losses I was hearing about on LinkedIn. 

In addition, I was upset over the lack of seasonal spirit preceding the holidays... just general cheer about life and living was gone from nearly every place I looked. Ugh! 

It was pulling me down and at the same time I didn't want to leave the social networking world. So, I created a new goal. 

The aim: To be relentlessly and publicly vocal for one hundred days and to speak truth, kindness, goodness, and encouraging words to myself and others. 

• The hope was that I could literally change the atmosphere and environment around me. 
• Maybe there was a friend out there that needed help out of the  emotional gutter too.

The method: Use Twitter to tweet to the great unknown and use Twitter's linking abilities to share the daily goodness on my Facebook and LinkedIn accounts simultaneously. 

• I would do so by posting quotes or stories that I find awesome or motivating. 
• I would post at the very beginning of each and every day. 
• At the end of the onehundred days, I would stop all social networking communication for a week.

The results 

1. By day one hundred one recognized that I simply had to keep tweeting. The good messages gave me a different energy for the day. I found I personally still needed this. 
2. In order to satisfy part three of my method, but still meet the overall goal, I cut the connections from Twitter to Facebook and LinkedIn.
3. The one hundred days of positivity and truth definitely impacted me. I like it and I'm going to keep doing it, so long as it's beneficial.
4. I really don't know if others feel more hopeful or affected in a positive way. I really don't have any way to measure that... all I do know is that I'm glad I did it in a vocal way; I needed to make a stand.

Take home messages 

• I have the power to regain control of my response(s) to the world. 
• Regaining control of my metal health, positivity and responses to the world requires discipline (ew!) and the willingness to go out on a limb. 
• I have the power to create an action plan and put the plan of attack into place, so that I can create my own joy. 
• I know it's not always this simple in every situation, but it can be done. Yet, at the same time, it really is just that simple. 

Many birds, one stone. The question is, was it a good throw? For me it was well worth it. For everyone else out in the world... well, I'll doubt I will ever know. 

I don't even know if anyone has noticed the silence on Facebook or LinkedIn, but I hope it has been a positive or source of peace for someone out there; at least as much as it has been for me. I feel very different than I did over one hundred days ago and that was the whole point. 

I'd be interested to know what others out there have done or are doing to incite happiness, joy, hopefulness and positivity.