Let It Be

Have you ever had to wait for something that couldn't be hurried along? Did the waiting require sitting in complete discomfort of the unknown? Did the waiting require unrelenting prayer?

At moments did you find yourself scrambling for any amount of control in absolutely anything, because what mattered most was well beyond controllable?

When in this state, do you hold your breath frequently? Clench or grind your teeth maybe? 

How about your stomach, is it in knots and the entire world seems to keep turning while you're somehow stuck in a state of pensive stasis?

Are you filled with anxiety, panic, or being so overwhelmed about the future that you can't live in the present.
                                  
I've found that I frequently have to surrender, in order to move beyond this state of mind and physical stress that it can cause. It is very difficult to do.

I have to stop forcing and seeking control. I have to surrender to what is and fight myself from creating a negative interpretative spin. 

Instead, I have to search and seek for the simplest and most non-ego based answer and then surrender to it.

I find that when I am in this state of internal struggle, I often think of The Beatles song, "Let It Be" or Now We are Free from the Gladiator soundtrack.

We are stronger and more capable than we think we are.

What helps you when in this place?

The Rose

I've no idea why my mind has gone here, 

but I almost feel like I can't say another word until I do. 

So... this is for me, you, whoever 

is in need of reading this today.

I don't know what sort of music or other things really helped my Grandma to cope through the craziness of life, but I do know that later on in years The Rose by Bette Midler was one of her favorite songs.

This has also become one of my favorites, almost for as long as I can remember. I recall being surprised that Grandma loved this song - probably because of it's origin. 

It has meant many different things to me over the years; as I'm sure it did for Grandma. Though I feel comfort and peace from it, it also manages to always make me cry... a healing cry.

This song makes me think of: 

• my military husband and other military families
• specific people from years gone by
• loss
• big failures that turned out to be a good thing in the long run
• continually overcoming living a life of fear
• addictions
• hard fought and won battles
• bittersweet victories

Mostly I find a great deal of hope in the fact that when all is said and done, Spring comes and so does growth, life, and Mother Earth's energy in full bloom.

                                "The Rose"

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
An endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dyin'
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong,
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Caledonia

I'm sitting in my kitchen listening to excellent music. My mind can't help but keep returning to various memories of good times, wonderful places, awesome and very timely friendships. 

At this point in time, I am reminded of a particular song by the Celtic Woman called Caledonia. The lyrics, pleasant performance and such all remind me of these various fond memories; besides that, Lisa Kelly is simply beautiful.  

The concept of "Caledonia" is universal, really. It's not just limited to a particular place in Scotland, but many physical environments, places in time, camaraderie of yesteryear; a specific refuge. 

Caledonia is any time, any place, any person that you repeatedly draw upon in memory - that still impacts your decisions for good.  There may even be a sense of longing or yearning for this time, be it long since past or that you can return to infrequently. 

In some cases, you know you can't return to your "Caledonia", but the longing sure manages to give you strength, perseverance, hope, purpose, and energy. 

Your Caledonia inspires you, still. It may even inspire with a yearning in the background, even as you still manage to push along. 

Here I sit, reflecting. Some bittersweet feelings, some joy, but above all a recognition that I am okay. All is well. Life is good. I am doing my best. 

Sometimes my best is good enough, and sometimes it... takes me to unexpected places in less pleasant circumstances. Then again, sometimes the circumstances are very pleasant, but short lived.

However, as long as I am doing and giving my best, regardless of pleasantries, I always seem to end up just where I should be, as well as with the people I need to be with. 

I am human. I make mistakes. I am far from perfect. Sometimes I make really big mistakes. I suspect I'm not the only one that can say this. I also do good things. 


Regardless, at this time, I am still very thankful for where I've come from, where I am going, and the variety of people that have influenced me. All of which have made me who I am today.

So I hold on to my Caledonia and continue to dream. 

"Caledonia"

I don't know if you can see
The changes that have come over me
In these last few days I've been afraid
That I might drift away
I've been telling old stories, singing songs
That make me think about where I've come from
That's the reason why I seem
So far away today

[Chorus:]
Let me tell you that I love you
That I think about you all the time
Caledonia, you're calling me, now I'm going home
But if I should become a stranger
Know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had

Now I have moved and I've kept on moving
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way
I have kissed the fellas and left them crying
Stolen dreams, yes, there's no denying
I have traveled hard, sometimes with conscience flying
Somewhere with the wind

[Chorus]

Now I'm sitting here before the fire
The empty room, the forest choir
The flames have cooled, don't get any higher
They've withered, now they've gone
But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear
And I know what I will do tomorrow
When hands have shaken, the kisses float
Then I will disappear

[Chorus]

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had

myTunes

Several people have asked what kind of music I run to. It's changed over the last couple of years. I started out with most anything that had a heavy consistent beat, or "angry" music. But around last Fall, I found KLOVE radio and it seemed like almost every song they played was just for me. 

The lyrics to most of these songs just really motivated, energized and inspired me not just mentally but physically.

Since that time, I've found that I run better and stronger to songs that have motivating lyrics as well as a good beat to them. So in short, here's my current running playlist.

Song Name	Artist
He Reigns	Newsboys
Alive Again	Matt Maher
Our God	Chris Tomlin
Pull Me Out	Bebo Norman
Christ Is Risen	Matt Maher
Hold Us Together	Matt Maher
Live Like We're Dying	Kris Allen
Light Up the Sky	The Afters
Free to Be Me	Francesca Battistelli
Ashes	Embrace
I Will Follow	Chris Tomlin
Halo	Beyoncé
Your Love	Brandon Heath
Before the Morning	Josh Wilson
Lift Me Up	The Afters
Love Like Crazy	Lee Brice
Don't Let Me Get Me	P!nk
Perfect Time of Day	Howie Day
Fall From Grace	Amanda Marshall
I Lift My Hands	Chris Tomlin
Not Living In the In-Between	Bebo Norman
Voice of Truth	Casting Crowns
Closer	Shawn McDonald
Dressed for Success	Roxette
I Believe	Diana DeGarmo
The Light In Me	Brandon Heath
Just Like a Pill	P!nk
More Time	Needtobreathe
Waiting Here for You	Christy Nockels
I Refuse	Josh Wilson
Son of Man	Phil Collins
Hope Now	Addison Road
Majesty of Heaven	Chris Tomlin
No Chains On Me	Chris Tomlin
Ruins	Bebo Norman
Blessings	Laura Story
Right Here, Right Now	Jesus Jones
Come to the Water	Matt Maher
The Name of Jesus	Chris Tomlin
I Don't Want to Wait	Paula Cole
You Love Me Anyway	Sidewalk Prophets
There She Goes	Sixpence None The Richer
The Only Hope	Bebo Norman
Hit Me With Your Best Shot	Pat Benatar
Through Your Hands	Joan Baez
Jesus My Redeemer	Chris Tomlin
The One	Brandon Heath
Awakening	Chris Tomlin
Now We Are Free	Lisa Kelly
Viva La Vida	Coldplay

Narrow Daylight and The Peace It Brings

Close your eyes, take a moment to yourself and drink in the peace that these song lyrics bring. Point to ponder: “are we stronger than we believe?” If you have the audio of this song, I strongly encourage you to press play, if you don't, well then... invest!

When I hear things like this, prayers (old & new) are answered, healing occurs and suddenly I have the faith, hope and courage I didn’t think I had...

Narrow Daylight by Diana Krall (click here to play on YouTube)

Narrow daylight entered my room

Shining hours were brief

Winter is over

Summer is near

Are we stronger than we believe?

I walked through halls of reputation

Among the infamous too

As the camera clings to the common thread

Beyond all vanity

Into a gaze to shoot you through

Is the kindness we count upon

Hidden in everyone?

I stepped out in a sunlit grove

Although deep down I wished it would rain

Washing away all the sadness and tears

That will never fall so heavily again

Is the kindness we count upon

Is hidden in everyone

I stood there in the salt spray air

Felt wind sweeping over my face

I ran up through the rocks to the old

Wooden cross

It's a place where I can find some peace

Narrow daylight entered my room

Shining hours were brief

Winter is over

Summer is near

Are we stronger than we believe?

The Importance of Music

My most favorite song is “Through Your Hands” by John Hiatt as performed by Joan Baez. I was introduced to this song by a college roommate in 1994 and it has been a major comfort since; as well as an adopted theme song of my life.

Through Your Hands (by John Hiatt)

You were dreaming on a park bench

about a broad highway somewhere

When the music from the carillon

seemed to hurl your heart out there

Past the scientific darkness, past the

fireflies that float

To an angel bending down to wrap you

in her warmest cloak

And you ask "What am I not doing?"

She says, "Your voice cannot command,

In time you will move mountains

And it will come through your hands."

Still you argue for an option, still you angle for your case

Like you wouldn't know a burning bush if it blew up in your face

Yeah, we scheme about the future and we dream about the past

When just a simple reaching out could build a bridge that lasts

And you ask "What am I not doing?"

She says, "Your voice cannot command,

In time you will move mountains

And it will come through your hands."

So whatever your hands find to do you must do with all your heart

There are thoughts enough to blow men's minds and tear great worlds apart

There's a healing touch to find you on that broad highway somewhere

To lift you as high as music running through an angel's hair

Don't ask what you are not doing

'Cause your voice cannot command

And in time we will move mountains

And it will come through your hands