Needles and Drugs

You would think that after over ten years it would get easier to "shoot up"…. 

I get a lot of questions about multiple sclerosis (MS) and how I cope with it. At the base of these questions seem to be two main themes: 
1 - Needing to make decisions with regards toward personal medical management and being overwhelmed by it.
2 - By the uncertainty of knowing how to best help yourself when you really don't have a clue. 

Because of these frequent questions, I thought I would share how I personally came to the conclusion not only to "switch" drugs after being on the same treatment for over ten years, but also why I entered into a medical study as well.

When I was diagnosed in 2003, I selected a specific medication to treat my MS simply because it was a monster-sized needle. The needle made me feel like I was being just as aggressive back at my disease as it was being with me. But injecting over the years has never gotten any easier.

I was faithful and can say that I have never missed an injection. I am currently categorized as stable with medication. The injection anxiety has been increasing though. 

When a study became available that was essentially my same medication, just yet another different administration of it - I jumped on it. I'd been all of its other administrations, why not again? Though technically this is a different drug and in the end it will have a different commercial name.

The reason I was tempted was because I get to lose the monster-sized needle and I still get to use an auto-injector pen; which just makes things real slick for injections. 

Though the monster-needle goes away, I still get to be aggressive back at my MS, as the dosage amount jumps from 30mcg to 125mcg. An additional perk is that the injection is no longer every week, rather they are every other week.

So the logic behind switching made absolute sense for me: essentially the same drug, smaller needle, auto-injector pen, less frequent injections, but with an aggressive dosage amount.

I began the study drug in November and took four injections (8 weeks) to gradually work up to the full dose. I've not had any big changes in side-effects, in fact, so far the side-effects have apparently decreased. 

I have had some trials with my health during this transition though. I have been pretty darn sick since the beginning of December. Was it stress from school, being a mom, winter, increase in meds, or even a combination of all of the above? I've no idea. 

The real value of changing medications won't even be known until follow-up doctor appointments throughout the medical study and future MRI results. 

It is a risk, a gamble… but so is getting behind a wheel to drive. I don't know what will happen, but I am just going to drive assuming that I will arrive safely - regardless of the route I take.

So how am I best helping myself when I really don't have a clue what to do about my condition?

• I'm taking charge of my medical management and participating in the decisions. 
• I'm taking care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually, in hopes that it makes me a better follower of Christ, wife, mom, daughter, sibling, and friend.
• I follow my gut, regardless of popular opinion.
• I trust that I am doing the best for me.
• I try my best to live as though each day were my last and at the same time, I make plans for the future.
• I don't have time to be bitter, afraid, or drag my feet in indecision. This doesn't me I don't experience it, it just means I try not to be there for long.

I do these things, because I can. I may experience sadness and sorrow from time to time. I may struggle. Life is about living, serving, loving, laughing, and making memories. There's no doom in that; even if I have MS.

Right now my focus is on rebuilding my cardiovascular health after being so darn sick. I'm going to start right now by going to bed this instant. Yeah! Healing during sleep!

Rest vs Relax?

I was told that for the sake of my health that I needed rest. So I took two weeks and did my best to "rest". 

Rest included: handling a quickly growing boy, reading, sleeping, working out, watching several seasons of Fringe on Netflix, writing, running, hiking in Canyonlands, then I did some more reading, sleeping, handling a 15-month-old busy body, and then working out some more. 

That is about all the rest I could handle... 

What do you do to rest?

I've pondered a lot on this topic and thought that I would toss the question out to readers to answer. What is the difference between resting and relaxation?

The Other Side of Las Vegas

In June 2002 my husband and I went to Las Vegas, Nevada for a brief weekend trip. And so the story begins...

I was walking from air-conditioned car to air-conditioned hotel to air-conditioned anything... I simply couldn't handle the heat and I didn't know why. One step in the heat, then I would vomit. 

One bite of food and then I would get the same reaction. It was horrid, to say the least. I pretty much stayed in the dark hotel room with the AC unit ramped high. 

We quickly decided to head home, and I think it was the morning we were going to leave that we went to breakfast. Well, Josh went to breakfast. I put food on my plate and stared at it, wondering how long it would stay down. I was so hungry that I eventually caved and took a bite, then two, then three then... RUN! 

While in the restroom, I was kneeling, practically face-planted in the water of the toilet bowl, gasping for air in between a mixture of dry heaves and a complete...unleashing. 

It was at the moment of the long awaited sixty-second relief with no vomit and actual breathing when a woman outside the bathroom stall spoke to me and asked, "Are you okay dear?" 

Then came my gasping labored lie of "uh-huh". She was so kind and didn't give up, as she offered, "can I get you some water?" In my selfish, embarrassed state I replied weakly "no, thank you". 

What the woman said next has remained fixed in my memory since that time. 

In an extremely heartfelt tone she said, "Ma'am, I know you are having a hard time in there, but you need to know that you are worth more than this. God loves you. You need to stop torturing yourself this way. I don't know you, but I do know that you are worth so much more than this. We were given food to feed the body and scripture to feed the soul. God loves you. I'll pray for you." 

All I had energy to utter at the time, between my labored breathing and still dripping mouth, while tears were now flowing was a  feeble, "thank you."

After this the woman left and a short time later my stomach settled and I was able to return to my husband. I relayed to him the story of what had happened and neither of us really knew what to think about that situation. 

Obviously the woman thought I was bulimic or something. There were several women who walked in and out of the restroom while I was in there; but only one asked if I needed help. 

This experience has really stuck with me though. Here's why I am sharing it with you:

• This June I will be heading to Las Vegas for a conference. 
• This June will make it ten years since that last experience. I am returning, fully intending on having a very different... less projectile vomiting...experience this go-around.
• When the vomit monster hit me ten years ago, it was due to complications of how my body was responding to heat at that time. We also now know that Multiple Sclerosis was the culprit.
• My life has become much better regardless of the presence of disease and seasonal heat.
• This was a tremendous display of human kindness from one stranger to another who was apparently in great distress. 
• Even though the stranger got the situation all wrong, her response was still perfect. 

It's the last two points I want to focus on here. A stranger could see that there was something wrong and did her best to help in the only way she knew how, which was to reaffirm that:

• I'm worth more.
• I am my own worst enemy.
• What we do to or put into our body has consequences, which may indeed be all wrong for us, causing us great harm.
• What we do to fuel our soul through this life is just as important as how we fuel our body.
• Getting through this life may require reliance on another person's faith and effort on our behalf; even strangers.
• God loves us.

Believe me when I say that I never imagined I would go to "Sin City" expecting to hear a stranger preaching in the name of Sunday to me; especially while vomiting in a bathroom stall and then having that experience stick with me for the rest of my life. 

But there you have it. She spoke absolute truth. I sincerely do believe that she prayed for me. How often do we leave situations when we can see that another is in need, yet we fail to share the essentials as noted above?

This is an excellent example of what drives and motivates me today. You see, I know now that I am indeed worth more. I'm tired of being  doubled over with the burden of being my own worst enemy. 

I am trying earnestly to really care about what I feed myself physically and spiritually, so that my body is as strong as it can be for what God wants me to do, to be. 

I need all within the sound of my voice and within reach of my virtual pen to pray for me; lending me strength and faith when I otherwise wouldn't have any. When all is said and done, I still know that God loves me - that's all that really matters anyway.

I'm so thankful that ten years ago I got to see the other side of Las Vegas. Thanks to a stranger...it has made all the difference.

Failure

I recently posted on Facebook.com/KickingTrash about a fitness program called Tony & The Folks. 

I stated that it is a program that's excellent for people that are: over sixty years old, sedentary, and obese. I have had many questions about this that make me feel the urge to explain why I say that, as well as to explain in detail why you might actually be ready for more. 

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor; the following assessment is my own personal opinion and critique, colored by my life experience with Multiple Sclerosis. 

Before I get into everything, I wanted to explain why "failure", specifically with regards to exercise, is an extremely good thing. Reaching muscle failure while working out is where the real muscle is built. 

Literally going until you can't do anymore and then squeezing out just one to three more - now that's where the money is. 

As we age muscle naturally declines, which is why, to stay fit - you must continue to do strength training exercises. Muscle is what burns the fat from your body. So, we need to keep adding the muscle back on. 

When you feel heavy, 

it's often due to a lack of strong muscle mass. 

When you feel light in the body, 

it's generally because you feel strong. 

I now know that no matter my health condition, I will and must continue to do whatever strength training I can, on any level that I can.

Now on to explain Tony & The Folks...I will use me as an example to explain each of these programs, so you have something to refer to for the sake of comparison. 

When I first started working out in 2007, I had extremely poor balance, chronic migraines, random symptoms of vertigo, lifting a water bottle or soup can (like one to three pound weights) was all I could handle for repetitive lifting, a five pound weight was my limit. 

It was hard to get off the couch or out of a car that had its carriage lower to the ground. It wasn't too difficult to get out of a chair; though I preferred staying in one. It was hard to on be on my feet for long periods of time. 

I was out of breath walking down the hall. I had barely enough energy to do laundry. Above all, my motivation was in the tank. This lack of motivation and mental distress is very likely what made all of the aforementioned more difficult than it really was. On that note....

Tony & The Folks
This is probably very close to the level of activity that I was actually at when my husband showed me P90X. There was NO WAY I could do that program. 

However, I modified it to the hilt and did as much as I could, for as long as I could, the best I could. Those modifications were very similar to the movements and style of the Tony & The Folks program and it may have still been too easy for me in several respects. 

However, I was indeed working out on this level in the Summer of 2007. Long before the Fall of 2007 I had significantly improved. So by the time Fall came, I was simply way too advanced for this program. I hope this gives you an idea of who this program would be good for. 

RECOMMENDATION: I would advise and encourage this as a good starter for anyone who is obese, sedentary, chronically ill, not working out much or at all. You may even be even in a convalescent center and over sixty. It's definitely a good cheap (ten-dollar) disc to find out where you stand, without the need of a trainer. But it's only one disc that's thirty minutes long. 

You can kick it up a notch with the intensity you put behind it and in the weights you can lift while still maintaining correct posture. If you still struggle with maintenance and care of your home or yourself, you may still need to slow it down or modify, but this would definitely be good for you! It's about getting you moving and getting blood pumping.


10 Minute Trainer (TMT)
If you are doing Zumba on a beginner level, playing Wii Sports and being challenged to your limits by it, then this may be a good program for you. 

If you get into it and find it's not challenging enough, then stack the workouts back to back and get twenty minutes out of them, rather than ten. 

NOTE: In all honesty and reality, this is probably the level I was at after about a week to ten days of modifying P90X to the Tony & The Folks level that I had been at. It was my balance that had to catch up and improve... to be challenged.


Power 90 In Home Boot Camp
I continued the modifications as noted above and I improved a great deal very rapidly, though still modifying a quite a bit of the P90X program. 

However, by the time my muscles failed I was following the workout while on the elliptical to do what I could there. By the Fall of 2008 I was working out on a level similar to Power 90 with little modifications. I was still following the program with a stationary bike or elliptical cardio. 

RECOMMENDATION: I would advise and encourage that regardless of your age, if you are fully capable of taking care of your own house, personal and family needs and you have some physical energy reserve left when you enjoy weekend golf, an occasional bike ride, or neighborhood stroll, then Power 90 would probably be a very good thing for you. The modifications to cater to your abilities are in the weights you use and the intensity you bring to the program.

ChaLEAN Extreme and P90X
By mid-2008 I was working out on a level between ChaLEAN Extreme (shorter, still intense workouts) and P90X (longer more intense workouts). 

By 2009 I was at a P90X level for sure! Now there are still some modifications I have to make, depending on my balance and crazy health circumstances of the day, but I can do it! 

The biggest P90X challenge that I still face is Yoga X - thank you balance issues. RECOMMENDATION: I would advise and encourage that regardless of your age, if you are fully capable of taking care of your own house, personal, as well as family needs and you have a some physical energy reserve left for tennis, running, or Power 90 doesn't challenge you as much anymore then ChaLEAN Extreme would absolutely be a very good thing for you and maintaining your lifestyle. 

P90X would be an excellent semi-annual or annual challenge to help keep you humble and or push the limits. Again, the modifications to cater to your abilities are in the weights you use and the intensity you bring to the program.

TurboFire, P90X2, and Insanity are for crazy people or people who need to break through a plateau or enjoy a big challenge. Everyone should be humbled like this from time to time. 

These programs are not for people with bad hips or bad knees. However, through modifications you can still get some of these programs to cater to your abilities. It's all about creativity and the intensity you bring to the programs.

There are many more programs I could talk about, but I hope this has been a good glimpse of assessing your own ability level. The biggest blessing getting fit brings is truly to show the mind that you can do this. 

It builds confidence. If it's not building confidence to see yourself do this stuff, VISUALIZE yourself doing these things frequently. You likely have a negative mindset that needs changing. 

It's also not about "finding time" it's about "making time" to do the things your body needs to be healthy. I know this too, as I have been there and I continue to fight it as well.

Canyonlands Half Marathon

Just showing up to run a Half Marathon!
Left to Right: Laura, Melanie, Diana, Tiffany, Janice.

Last week (March 11 through18, 2012) was Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Awareness Week. To close out MS Awareness Week out I decided to help those that know me by making them more aware that MS isn't an instant or definite disability. To show MS that I've got my fight on, I ran the Canyonlands Half Marathon on March 17th. 

Even if I couldn't have run that, I would have done something ... anything to defy the odds of my current circumstance. Even though I had my fight on, I was nervous. And for some darn reason, I was even doubtful. This doubt downright ticked me off. 

It was interesting to show up for something like that and just go with the flow. I trained, I registered, so I was going to do it and do it to the best of my ability. Then came the wind... good night! 

Average winds during the race were twenty-two to thirty-five miles per hour - the entire way. The winds didn't have the courtesy of blowing at my back either. I wanted so badly to stay with the 2two hour, twenty-minute race pacer, who just happened to be my cousin. 

However, this day wasn't the day for that kind of running. I was able to stay with that pacing group for about five or six miles, though. It was unsafe for me to keep that pace. 

The wind and I were fighting and in order for me to feel good about the run and keep all my faculties together; I had to slow it down and run my own race. 

I even speed walked collectively about three miles. Oh! I can't forget to praise the makers of Imodium and  Pepto-Bismol chewable tablets! Thanks to them, I was able to keep my inner workings from further complicating things like they did for the Salt Lake City Half Marathon. 

When I got to the last quarter mile I did what I always do in finishing races, I gave it all I had to cross the finish. Every muscle protested with each step, but I crossed with all my energy reserve. 

At the finish was my totally awesome husband waiting for me and all I could do was hug him and cry a bit. His arms have felt like a refuge many times over our married life, but at that moment I felt saved. I love you Josh!

So with this being a tribute to pretty much say "F-You Multiple Sclerosis", I would like to raise awareness and point you to a full description about MS, which can be found at this website. 

However, please note that MS affects each person differently. Just because you knew someone with a horrible MS experience DOES NOT mean your experience (or mine) will be the same. So please, stop telling horror stories to people who are newly diagnosed. 

Also, comparison, bitterness and fear are only a fast track to absolutely nowhere. Not everyone with MS can walk, but by no means does this mean you are doomed either. 

What I am saying is more universal: that we must accept the ailment, so that we can move beyond it. Treat the disease with the options you have available and then live to the best of your current ability - which may vary over time. It's just like I mentioned above, "...I had to run my own race." 

Do yourself and everyone around you a huge favor and refuse to live life based on the unpredictability of disease. I'm not saying that everything will be happy, I'm simply saying find ways to accommodate your needs and l-i-v-e. 

It is what it is and you can always live your life to the best of your current ability. This ability is determined by your attitude. 

I feel a burden to be constantly on the lookout for ways to accommodate my current abilities, so that I feel able-minded. Yes, be aware of MS (or whatever disease affects someone close to you), and be aware of the various states of the disease: extreme, abnormal, and mild forms. 

Not only that, but become aware of what people are doing even though they have a disease.  You may not be able to do exactly the same things as others, but you should be able to see that pretty much the only thing stopping you is yourself. 

The National Ability Center is a prime example of what can be done, when you believe or have someone believe in you.

Doing Most Everything!

Question: What do you think of when you see the acronym DME? 

Depending on who you are and what you face daily, DME could be a Moscow airport, Digital Motor Electronics, a chemical solvent, a Canadian brewery, or if you are like me Durable Medical Equipment. 

The term seems relatively harmless. Individually the words are actually very strong, frequently used words. But for some reason when combined, Durable Medical Equipment tends to carry a hefty punch in the gut, especially when the term is used in relation your own personal abilities. I know because I've experienced it. 

I've had home health nurses hook me up to IV's and I've walked with a cane out of need. I already know what the transition of able bodied to "needing assistance" feels like. 

But it's the public stare you get with "disability" that can test your hope, motivation, and positive outlook; it can even alter your perception of self.

I have a dear friend, who is about my age, and she also has multiple sclerosis. She is absolutely beautiful, inside and out. She has a genuine sincerity and glow about her. 

My friend used to be a dancer; however, her legs no longer perform like a dancer's. But my dear friend is still living life fully. She has kids, a husband, she's a normal mom. 

She has things to do, activities with kids and family. She's also a patient advocate speaker. This last December we travelled back from our patient advocate conference together. 

I was assisting her through the airport by pushing her two-wheeled walker and transporting her carry-on bag, while someone from airport security wheeled her to our gate in a wheelchair. 

While walking through the airport she told me to look at people as we walk through the airport. She wanted me to notice how often people stared at me specifically while pushing her walker. 

I pushed her walker as though I needed it to walk. It was simply easier to move it and her bag that way. In all reality, it appeared as though I was using the walker out of need. 

Oh dear, people really do stare... sometimes people are so transparent that there's no guessing as to what they are thinking. 

I got stares when I used a cane - but not like this. I now know the look and feel of pitiable concern - I do not like it at all. After a while I found that it had negatively affected my spirit. 

I really wondered about my ability to cope with that situation, if my level of ability were to ever require "assistance". 

I have another friend that was in an accident in his early twenties and it left him a quadriplegic. I was talking with him not too long ago.  He's been in a wheelchair now for more of his life than he's been without one. 

He's now at the point where he doesn't personally view himself as "disabled". He's married, lives a very full life. Travels for work, for pleasure and yes there are always considerations that have to be made in order to do that, but it's second nature now for him - it's normal. He said he doesn't even notice all the stares very much anymore.

It may be a hard pride hit to go from your own ability to using a DME (cane, walker, wheelchair), but recently I've really liked my new take home message of what a DME is. 

To me they're not only canes, walkers, wheelchairs, catheters, and such. They are also shoes, railings, ramps, a steady hand, and trekking poles to name a few. Even more recently, they are running shoes, cooling vests, iPod, knee brace, ice and pillow. 

All of these things are designed to get you from one location to another or to assist you achieve a desired action. To help you keep living life, in whatever capacity you can currently participate.

My DME's (left to right): cane, running shoes,  running water belt,
trekking poles, sharps container, needles, porcupine massage ball, knee brace.

After evaluating both of my friends and their circumstances as noted above, I have decided that because of my accumulated DME, I am and already have been, Doing Most Everything. 

I know that when people had a fixed gaze on me while using my cane a few years ago, and while pushing my friend's walker through the airport, that judgments were being made. 

But even if I weren't using those things, judgments were still being made. We can't escape that in life, so why let those judgments define our own beliefs and abilities? 

This is where the Imaginary Villain (the ego) seeps into our life. It is also precisely when we must commit to live life without limits.

If my time comes to live life fully in a more modified fashion, I pray that you will help me remember that I am still Doing Most Everything, just in a different way. We all need this kind encouragement. 

Messed in the Head

I haven't wanted to admit it, but I do struggle with the marbles rolling around in my brain and I'm tired of feeling afraid of the things that I have been experiencing... um, the downright freakishness that is occurring. 

The "freaky" I'm talking about is called cognitive dysfunction. The kind of stuff I am experiencing are things I had anticipated dealing with much later in life (way far down the road), as part of the natural aging process. 

There are also other things that I hadn't anticipated struggling with at all - these things have me the most nervous - scared. I'm thirty-six (I think)... yes, I am, I just did the math... but cognitively, well, I'm older and struggling. 

To the people that I work with, friends and family I hang out with - you may have not noticed any issues, but they are there. 

If you haven't noticed, then either I'm hiding it well or you are caught up in your own world. If this is the case, I'm sorry for not having noticed whatever the heck it is that you are dealing with... (sigh)... we all have something don't we? But I hope you are well.

Because of the freakiness that I've been experiencing, I've decided that I need to stretch my mind a bit. So, I am heading back to school; classes start this next week. 

I already have a bachelor's degree and I'm already quite settled in a profession, but that doesn't mean I don't need to challenge myself. 

The local community college offers a series of classes that fit right up my alley with regards to a few of the short and long term goals that I have planned for myself. 

Another reason I am doing this is to combat my fears regarding the cognitive dysfunction I have been experiencing in relation to my multiple sclerosis. 

"But you look so good, Diana!" I, like the rest of the world, have challenges that are not always visible. Part of the cruel challenges of MS are the things that others can't see. But that is the same with life in general, isn't it?

I use silence and deliberate speech to process things that I should have comprehended sooner. I need a few minutes to myself periodically throughout the day to breathe, review and absorb what has happened. 

This is how I am able to avert the panic that occurs with confusion as I'm trying to comprehend stuff. It hasn't always been like this and it may not always be like this either, but for now - the issues are present. 

So, I'm going back to school. Throwing myself part-time into a structured learning environment to learn some things that will be of great benefit to me. 

I figured that if I were to take classes that will help me achieve some of my goals, then I will be more patient with the cognitive frustrations that I am currently facing. 

I'm going to be taking one or two classes at a time and just taking whatever time I need to do them.

All of these courses will challenge me in some way or another, as well as help me gain insight, all while achieving other goals that I have a sincere interest in. 

If I start randomly swearing at you in the next few months, please forgive me and gently remind me that I made this choice, and in the long run, it will be very beneficial.

... any willing tutors out there for Human Biology, Kinesiology and/or Exercise Physiology?

Getting High

Diana (right, brown sweater) with older sister Melene (left, pushing wheelchair)
at an Multiple Sclerosis Walk event. I love that Melene is pushing her wheelchair in this picture!

I've been thinking about all the prescriptions that have freely been given me over the years when the doctor has said "just in case you need it" even though it's obvious that I'm far from the need. 

Then there are times when I've asked for a certain amount of pain meds to take, as needed, with each injection for my MS medication (four times each month equalling fifty-two pills for one year), yet the prescription comes out at double that... the list can go on. 

But if I lacked some amount of self control or had more addictive behaviors than I already do, I could have totally abused the system in order to essentially get high in a less noticeable way. Case in point, here's a little story.

Once upon a time I couldn't stay awake, alert, or comprehend anything important. I had this fatigue that just took everything out of me. 

Brushing my teeth sometimes drained my energy for several hours. Even my ability to be alert enough to understand relatively simple things was labored. So my doctor prescribed a drug that is actually a type of narcotic. 

This drug is most commonly used as treatment for people suffering from narcolepsy (excessive daytime sleepiness). This helped a great deal for quite some time. 

However, I eventually began to develop a resistance to the medication and rather than following doctors' orders to increase the dosage, I decided to taper off - as I felt that I had become dependent on it in a rather unhealthy way. 

I've had the same reaction to a variety of pain medications; I like how they make me feel and sometimes not feel. But this pill that I was given to help me manage my fatigue...this is pretty powerful stuff and sometimes even used to help people recover from a cocaine or opiate dependence. 

I wanted the higher doses, I craved to have more, and this desire frankly scared me.

Why did I opt to back off the drug?

• I found that even just thinking about it made me alert with excitement.
• I recognized that the drug had done its job. It changed my body chemistry to some degree, to get me going again - jump start complete.

Yes, medications have their purpose(s) and can be very helpful; just not always as prescribed. You need to think of yourself as a collaborator with your doctor; puzzling out the best way to help you. 

Your intellect knows when you need something. You also know better when you should stop. It's a matter of listening to your gut, trusting it and then following it.

I had a very interesting time getting off this drug. In efforts to taper off, I'd reduce dose, then take one every other day (as needed), cut the pill in half again and so on. 

I struggled some with fatigue but it was more manageable this time. The fatigue I was experiencing at this point was from a chemical dependence to the drug itself, more than any physical dysfunction. It was at this time I was introduced to energy drinks.

I ended up leaning on energy drinks for support, especially while driving. That worked extremely well, but... at the cost of now yellowing teeth and still in some fashion, a chemical dependence. 

I walked away from this prescribed drug, but walked right into another addiction. On some level I'm still pretty much a junkie (thanks to energy drinks). 

I have found that I have physically needed this drug (i.e., energy drink). I yearned for it, I thought about it, I shook inside I wanted it so bad. 

I found that I was staying alert just thinking about it. Sound familiar? How on earth is this healthy? It's not.

Why did I opt to back off the energy drinks? 

• I found that even just thinking about it made me alert with excitement.
• I recognized that the drink had done its job. It aided in walking away from a very potent prescribed drug and kept me functionally alert - jump start complete.

Relying on a chemical for a jolt, be it opiates (even prescribed), caffeine or energy drinks still messes with your inner workings. 

My poor kidneys and pancreas have a taken a brutal assault over the years. I've been off this lethargy medication for over five years now. 

I'm still not completely 100% off the energy drinks, but I'm getting there. In order to do this, I've turned to walking.

The other day I went for a brisk six mile walk and you know I was just as energized from that than I was from being loaded on prescribed meds or after having downed an eight to twelve ounce energy drink. 

I started this walk out with little to no energy whatsoever, which is honestly why I went on the walk - to get my energy back. 

Eventually, I began to feel energized and I ended up doing six miles while keeping a consistent brisk pace. Over time, walking has encouraged running. But there are definitely times when walking is all I can pull out of me.

Why do I opt to stick with walking? 

• I found that even just thinking about makes me excited; mostly because I'm thrilled that I now have the ability to do it.
• I have recognized that simply walking has given me energy when I thought I had none. Walking keeps me from getting stiff, which happens easily due to my MS. 
• Walking keeps me functional, alert, calm and at peace. 
• Lifelong jump start engaged!

Isn't it kind of cool that physical activity is oftentimes just as effective (if not more so) than a strong medication or an energy drink? 

The physical activity is also generally longer lasting with a lot fewer hazardous side effects and it is indeed a lot cheaper. Just sayin'....