A Run Gone Horribly Wrong

Last November 1st I was on a run to get training miles in. It was nine to ten in the morning. I was hurrying so that I could make it home in time for church and then we had plans for the evening. It was the only time I could get the miles in that day. But it ended very differently than planned.

Not too far from my house is a irrigation canal and horse path. I've run that trail for years. It was on this run, I understood just how vulnerable I am when running alone.

A man in his mid-to-late twenties jumped out of the bushes on the other side of the canal and hurried over to the low end of the water. He jumped over that part of the canal and ran up the embankment and began to chase me.

When I saw him jump from the bushes and hurry out of them, I picked up my pace. I immediately felt in danger. That was the fastest I ever ever run in my life!

I felt certain that if I ran and never looked back, I would be safe. I knew that if I saved my breath for the running, I wouldn't slow down; I would have enough air to keep my pace and increase evermore.

Nearing the end of the path I could see an elderly woman coming our way. She was moving in such a way that I knew she was not in an physical condition to walk any faster, let alone flee for her life. I yelled with all I had in me, "Stop! Turn around! It's not safe!"

She did turn around and headed toward the street which was not too far away by then. I knew that there was no way she could increase her speed. Knowing this, I knew I would have to stop and say with her. There was no way I would leave her there alone.

As I drew closer to her I yelled, "Is he still behind me?" She yelled back that he wasn't and that he'd recently jumped back in the bushes. As I got closer to the lady I stopped and walked her pace with her and before long we were back on the main road.

Her home was nearby, so I walked her home. We then called the police and made a report. To my knowledge the man was never caught.

I am blessed to have made it out of that situation, however I didn't escape injury free. I ran so hard, so fast, and for so long that once the adrenaline dissipated I was in horrible pain in my left foot.

Over the following weeks and months, I had gone to urgent care a couple of times. I was told repeatedly that I simply had inflamed soft tissue in my foot and that the pain would subside after a few weeks. The doctors didn't see anything in my x-rays that would suggest otherwise.

So I reduced my activity (which is aggravating to do as a personal trainer and group exercise instructor). But every time I resumed activity my foot would hurt.

By the time early February came I got another x-ray and then sent the image to my podiatrist brother-in-law, who lives in another state. I told him the story and about the pain and asked him what more I could do.

He responded by saying, the doctors just aren't x-raying from he correct angle and that it is a common miss from non-specialists. But that he could see the distal end of the first metatarsal was definitely broken (joint of the big toe) and more.

I was able to get into a local podiatrist very quickly and they took another x-ray from the missing angle. We found that indeed there was a jagged break all along the joint. There was also multiple breaks in the medial sesamoid bone that resides under that joint.

After seven weeks in a walking cast, the jagged break was healed. However, the sesamoid bone was not. My doctor modified my shoe insole and put me back into my shoes. I was also outfitted with a bone stimulator to try and help the sesamoid heal.

I have had a number of extensive conversations with my podiatrist and found ways via his advice to be able to continue to teach all my group exercise classes and support the people I personally train. It's been tricky, but I've made it successfully through.

I am now at the point in my healing that the only way to truly return to full activity without pain is to have the sesamoid surgically removed.

I've decided that at this time, I will not pursue surgery. I don't know how my multiple sclerosis (MS) will respond to that, or how I will be affected in extremely more reduced activity.  I am moving now and I still want to celebrate that and take full advantage of it.

Activity is what has mitigated my MS symptoms and issues. I figure, maybe if I have an MS relapse down the road that then I will do the surgery, as I would be down anyway during that time. And  right now, I am only restricted in split lunges, calf raises, running, and things like that where the pressure is too great on that joint area.

In the end, I am safe. I am not recovering from any injuries more serious than this foot issue. I also believe that I was led to that path. Had that elderly woman been alone further down that path... I just hate to think what would have happened to her.

I am blessed. Though really frustrated with my fitness, I am glad that there's nothing else I am recovering from.

FOR AN UPDATE CLICK HERE

Needles and Drugs

You would think that after over ten years it would get easier to "shoot up"…. 

I get a lot of questions about multiple sclerosis (MS) and how I cope with it. At the base of these questions seem to be two main themes: 
1 - Needing to make decisions with regards toward personal medical management and being overwhelmed by it.
2 - By the uncertainty of knowing how to best help yourself when you really don't have a clue. 

Because of these frequent questions, I thought I would share how I personally came to the conclusion not only to "switch" drugs after being on the same treatment for over ten years, but also why I entered into a medical study as well.

When I was diagnosed in 2003, I selected a specific medication to treat my MS simply because it was a monster-sized needle. The needle made me feel like I was being just as aggressive back at my disease as it was being with me. But injecting over the years has never gotten any easier.

I was faithful and can say that I have never missed an injection. I am currently categorized as stable with medication. The injection anxiety has been increasing though. 

When a study became available that was essentially my same medication, just yet another different administration of it - I jumped on it. I'd been all of its other administrations, why not again? Though technically this is a different drug and in the end it will have a different commercial name.

The reason I was tempted was because I get to lose the monster-sized needle and I still get to use an auto-injector pen; which just makes things real slick for injections. 

Though the monster-needle goes away, I still get to be aggressive back at my MS, as the dosage amount jumps from 30mcg to 125mcg. An additional perk is that the injection is no longer every week, rather they are every other week.

So the logic behind switching made absolute sense for me: essentially the same drug, smaller needle, auto-injector pen, less frequent injections, but with an aggressive dosage amount.

I began the study drug in November and took four injections (8 weeks) to gradually work up to the full dose. I've not had any big changes in side-effects, in fact, so far the side-effects have apparently decreased. 

I have had some trials with my health during this transition though. I have been pretty darn sick since the beginning of December. Was it stress from school, being a mom, winter, increase in meds, or even a combination of all of the above? I've no idea. 

The real value of changing medications won't even be known until follow-up doctor appointments throughout the medical study and future MRI results. 

It is a risk, a gamble… but so is getting behind a wheel to drive. I don't know what will happen, but I am just going to drive assuming that I will arrive safely - regardless of the route I take.

So how am I best helping myself when I really don't have a clue what to do about my condition?

• I'm taking charge of my medical management and participating in the decisions. 
• I'm taking care of myself physically, mentally, and spiritually, in hopes that it makes me a better follower of Christ, wife, mom, daughter, sibling, and friend.
• I follow my gut, regardless of popular opinion.
• I trust that I am doing the best for me.
• I try my best to live as though each day were my last and at the same time, I make plans for the future.
• I don't have time to be bitter, afraid, or drag my feet in indecision. This doesn't me I don't experience it, it just means I try not to be there for long.

I do these things, because I can. I may experience sadness and sorrow from time to time. I may struggle. Life is about living, serving, loving, laughing, and making memories. There's no doom in that; even if I have MS.

Right now my focus is on rebuilding my cardiovascular health after being so darn sick. I'm going to start right now by going to bed this instant. Yeah! Healing during sleep!

In Heat

It was totally fun to name this entry "In Heat", I am absolutely chuckling over it. Hehehehehe, sigh, where's my maturity? Okay, moving on now. 

I've already established in several blog entries that high temperatures are not my friend - thank you multiple sclerosis! However, I am determined to try to change my perspective of heat. Especially at this moment while I am feeling a bit trapped indoors this summer. So, when is heat good for people like me? 

1. I don't know about you, but internal heat from exercise is tolerable for me. I'm a bit addicted to it. 
2. Sometimes, I turn the air conditioning up really high so that I get very cold, just so that when I go outside during the summer I am happy to be in the heat while I move from car to building or inside my home to water the garden.
3. I very much like my husband. Yeah for "intimate heat"! It's true! I'm just sayin'...
4. I love running in cold or cooler temperatures (25-55), because the heat generated from running balances out the cold to make me feel perfectly content.
5. Heat as applied to certain food keeps my stomach happy.
6. Hot chocolate, herbal tea, cider! Yum!

Okay, now I feel a bit better and I have enjoyed a good laugh. How about you? What do you like about the heat? Please keep it clean use #3 as a cleanliness guide. Even if you don't have a condition where hot temperatures is a problem. Share!

10 Years Ago Today

I wondered what this entry would be like when I wrote 5 Years Ago Today. Now I'm here and the sentiments expressed in that blog entry are just as true today as they were in 2008. 

It's been ten years since I was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Even though I was diagnosed on Friday 13th, I decided my life with this disease wouldn't give credence to that dark omen.

I can honestly say that I am now internally happier, healthier, more positive, more determined, and ever more thankful. I've been given many gifts. 

The initial nudge I received from the Divine has most certainly come true. The prompting I received ten years ago was this: 

make your body as healthy as it 

can be 

and you will be as blessed as 

you need to be 

The definition of "body", for me, has always included the mind and soul. 

The only real struggle I have really had over these last ten years has been understanding what it means to be "as blessed as you need to be." 

I am pretty sure I will spend the rest of my life coming to understand this concept a little better. Maybe I might even understand it by the time I meet my Maker. Until then, I strive to continue to make my body as healthy as it can be. 

At this point, I would like to inform my readers that I currently have my water bottle raised in the gesture of a toast (grin). Cheers! We are all very blessed people. The most important thing I wish everyone to know is that God loves us and knows us. You are beautiful just as you are.

Overalls After All!

This will be my first Mother's Day. To make it even more awesome, we received our sons amended birth certificate in the mail this week.

I've no doubt that he will struggle with the idea that someone else gave birth to him for us. But he is absolutely ours and for right here and right now, receiving his birth certificate with our names on it completely rocks! 

While I was thinking about this being my first Mother's Day, I remembered buying overalls many years ago. I bought them because I was newly married and excited about the potential to be a mom. I really think that pregnant women look so darn cute in overalls.

My husband and I decided to be married at least a year before trying to have children. However, before that year was done, my husband was deployed with the military. Shortly after he had returned from his deployment I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

After I left the doctors office, I came home and sat fully dressed in an empty bathtub and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. It was a very ugly cry. I still tear up when I think about it. 

I wasn't lamenting the diagnoses, instead I was absolutely crushed because it was at this time that I knew I wouldn't never physically carry a child inside of me.  

The decision to adopt rather than try to carry a child was an overwhelmingly spiritual decision for the benefit of my health. Both my husband and I felt that we shouldn't gamble with how my body would handle pre and post pregnancy.

We do not judge others with how they would have handled the situation. But in our circumstance, the decision was definitely the right move.

So I put my overalls on. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror and then I went outside and pulled some weeds. I wore those darn overalls landscaping our yard. I used the overalls until they were completely worn out. Then I got rid of them.

Just the other day I was getting my son dressed and pulled out some little blue overalls for him that someone gave us. I dressed him up in them and boy did he ever look cute! It was then that I realized I never lost my dream. I got to carry my child wearing overalls.

 

How To Pee Your Pants and Still Be Sexy

Hello. I am thirty-something and in the last week I have peed my pants (and more) on more than one occasion. I stopped counting at three. It's literally been a non-stop issue for most of the week. There was one day  when it happened several times.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think there are more than a few people out there who might get something out of this post. Managing chronic disease is a humbling experience, and touches most every aspect of one's life.

When I say humbling, I mean downright frustrating, challenging, irritating, embarrassing, and all sorts of other "-ings" that shall not be uttered here. In all reality, my cognitive functions just aren't able to pull together what those other "-ings" are right now.

Despite all the "ings" the show must go on! I still have things to do, and a life to lead. I still have responsibilities, including the mountain of laundry that has been mysteriously growing without regard to my efforts in the matter.

In efforts to cope with my frustrations constructively. I got on the elliptical tonight to use my frustrated energy in a constructive way; as well as to just feel good. Exercise does that for me.

While on the elliptical I came to the realization that I have recently let a few things into my diet that I know don't work well for me. So... there are a few food items I am tossing out tomorrow morning, and a few unopened items I will be donating.

I have a newborn and a chronic disease. I am sleep deprived and I need to be more focused on taking extra special care of me. I am not superhuman - but super sexy, according to my husband (he's standing over me as I type and has forced me to add that last little bit).

What does taking extra special care of me translate into?

• personal daily devotionals,
• good diet,
• solid and consistent exercise,
• sleep,
• asking for help,
• laughing more than once a day,
• and of course, having clean underwear!

In working on taking extra special care of myself, as my body becomes acclimated to a new norm, I need to remember just how blessed I really am. Currently I feel most blessed to have access to a washing machine, dryer, lots of under clothing, and a crazy husband who says I'm super sexy - even as I write a blog post on messing my pants.

Shooting Up in a Las Vegas Bathroom

This is as close I could get to Tony Horton.
I will meet him next year. I have a plan.

I recently participated in the Beachbody Coach Summit event in Las Vegas, Nevada. I was able to meet some pretty amazing coaches, trainers, and leadership figures. 

I've included a few pictures in this blog entry of some of the famous Beachbody faces. This was an amazing experience for me. 

I'd like to share a little bit about this event as well as what it was like to "shoot up" in a Las Vegas bathroom. I am of course speaking about my Multiple Sclerosis medication. 

Meeting & working out with
Debbie Siebers!

I carpooled with a few people from my general area to this conference and was quickly relieved to find out that they were normal and pleasant to spend time with. 

Not having met them before, I was indeed concerned. But we had an excellent time driving to Vegas and back. They may even say that I was the weird one... very possible...

I was also very relieved to find out that my temporary roommate was also normal and a real delight to hang around. So, two for two - something had to go wrong, right? Not at all. 

Though I really struggled with the ninety-eight to one hundred eight degree temperatures of Nevada, I was able to participate in most everything. More than that, I actually felt like I belonged. This last one was a biggie, as I have never felt this way - not really.

I was just simple tickled to
meet Chalene Johnson.

Kudos to fellow Beachbody Coaches Christine B. (thanks for the "better than sex spray mister!"); Tamara G. (thanks for looking out for me); MGM Grand concierge (thanks for figuring out how to get me to and from the pool) and security (thanks for pushing the wheelchair and getting me safely back to my room when my legs couldn't carry me). 

Thanks to all for getting creative and being such a big help so I could participate poolside with my team - if only for forty minutes. This was tremendous! 

It took about two hours to recover, but I did it and was able to workout live with Tony Horton later that day! This was so totally awesome! 

Donna Richardson is highly spiritual person.
Very pleasant to talk with.

Over the next few days I was also able to meet and work out live with Debbie Siebers. 

I was also able to meet Chalene Johnson (TurboFire, ChaLEAN Extreme, etc), Donna Richardson (Body Gospel), and have a random run in with Leandro Carvhalo (Brazil Butt Lift). Um, so Leandro totally grabbed my rump! Good times. ;-) 

I was able to get close enough to hear the voices and feel the energy of Tony Horton and Shawn T.. I was able to listen to them speak, watch and do work outs, and find that they are the same in person as they are on disc - high energy, fun-loving, constantly improving themselves and intense.

Now as the conference got into full swing it took me about half a day to realize that come shot time on Saturday, I wouldn't have time between sessions and activities to make it back to my room to take my medication and still make it to the next event in time. 

I realized I was going to have to keep my shot on hand for one of our very brief breaks on Saturday, during which I would have to go to the restroom and take my shot. 

I have to admit, this was indeed a very different experience than the last time I was in a Las Vegas bathroom. This time though, I was injecting a MS medication into my leg while in the bathroom, rather than throwing up, while some lady prayed outside the bathroom stall. (The prayer being that the poor bulimic lady would be okay and find her way to Jesus.) 

I think the funniest part about shooting up in a Las Vegas bathroom was when I came out to wash my hands. I didn't want to just put the needle and syringe in the garbage (highly irresponsible). 

I put it back in my purse and would bring it home to my sharps container. The funny thing is that handling this shot is so normal for me now, that I didn't pay attention to what others 

Leandro Carvahlo has ENERGY
and big devious smile.

might be thinking in the bathroom. 

I only caught on when I realized I had a few confused stares, as I was separating the needle from the syringe to put it in a baggie and back in my purse. I tried to explain, but I don't really think those ladies believed me... Good times!

Chalene Johnson and Shawn T.
two very beautiful people inside and out.

All in all, this conference was amazing! I learned that all the things I've been doing to improve my health have been spot on. 

I'm really excited now to help others rise to the challenges of life and push beyond those challenges. I saw so many people that have achieved similar outcomes regarding their health as I have. 

I was energized and charged by this. I realized that I'm not unique in this regard. This was a refreshing discovery, because it made me realize that I'm not some crazy lady doing crazy things and that I'm not an anomaly. 

No, these changes to health and wellness, even with disease, is actually attainable. I'm not only living proof, but there are thousands out there in a similar situation, doing this too and having amazing results. 

Again, it was refreshing to see that I'm not smokin' and being unrealistic. People truly can move beyond the bounds of illness and disability, if they are willing to get creative and redefine possibilities. It's not easy! It's painful, infuriating, frustrating, disappointing, but so incredibly worth it!

I spoke with people that have serious diabetes, and other chronic or neurological dysfunctions. I spoke with people that use fitness to combat serious depression and recover from wartime struggles. 

I interacted and identified with a few people in wheelchairs that are modifying Beachbody programs such as P90X and Insanity; they are indeed really doing these programs. 

I met morbidly obese people that have done P90X, TurboFire, BodyGospel, Slim in 6, Brazil Butt Lift and more - they've already lost one hundred pounds or more, and though still morbidly obese or overweight, they are on the right track to attain very real transformations. 

I met people in their sixties and seventies still working out on intense levels; one of them even described diet and fitness as the "fountain of youth". It is possible to change your direction in life. 

To make these changes though, the questions are: How bad do you really want it? Do you want it bad enough to commit to recommitting? 

Do you want it bad enough to create consistent discipline to get you there? Do you want it bad enough to change self-sabotaging behaviors? Are you permitting yourself to actually have a quality life? Do you believe you are deserving? 

If so, then change your behavior. If it's that important to you, then you will make it happen. If you keep faltering, then your "why?" may have changed or isn't strong enough. Decide. Commit. Succeed. It doesn't have to be perfect, just consistent. 

You have to be willing to go to hot places when you have problems with heat. You have to be willing to take your medications in public restrooms. 

These are required to remove yourself from feeling trapped by illness. You have to be willing to surrender to modifications in order to participate fully. 

It's not about being picture perfect and doing it just like everyone else. It's about doing it in whatever way that you can, so that everyone else can't hide behind lame excuses to improve. 

If you are unwilling to engage and try, then it's an excuse. If you are unwilling to be vulnerable, then you are prideful and you will either linger in stasis or continue to decline. 

I see now, more than ever before, that the only thing that keeps us from achieving all that our heart desires in this life, 

is our commitment, dedication, and attitude.

The Results: Ragnar 2012

"Thank you!" to all those that had me and other Ragnar participants and volunteers in their heart, mind, and prayers. I know I received many blessings from this.

Thank you!

So how did the Wasatch Back Ragnar turn out? Our team raised well over seventeen thousand dollars for cancer research. We had some cancer survivor as well as cancer previvor runners join our team and they did just fabulous! Here's a glimpse at the side of our van, which was a dedication to who the six in our van were running for. Also, here is a quick video recap of the event happenings.

In my last blog entry I made a plea. I would like to let you know how the run turned out for me.

All of my anticipated running distances seemed to have been extended for some reason. For one reason or another the time of day in which I was running was delayed some as well. 

In short I ran 19.72 miles in a combined time of four hours, seven minutes. Depending on the run my elevation was between four thousand, seven hundred six and six thousand, seven hundred fourty-four feet; mostly moving up. 

The way I left it with those in my van was that in efforts to save my foot and be able to do all three runs I would take it slow. Come to find out, I couldn't have gone any faster if I had tried. The heat and combined total of maybe four hours of sleep in thirty-five hours kept me humble.

Leg Three - My distance ended up at 6.91 miles (run time 1:19:16). I started running around nine-forty in the morning. The heat was too much for me on this one. At about four miles my right ear started ringing, by five miles my arms were tingling, right eye hurting, left leg weakening, and there was a pinch at the nape of my neck that means a migraine is brewing. 

All of this meant finish quick or I'm in trouble. This is the run that made me realize I need to stop putting off buying a cooling vest, if I intend to continue running in temperatures above seventy degrees. Good thing was that my foot never hurt; this was a surprise. 

Wearing my cooling scarf and catching my breath.
Just finished Leg #3 - Hyrum to Paradise, UT.

Leg Fifteen - My distance ended up at 5.06 miles (run time 59:09). I started running around eight at night. Thank heavens for whatever delays made my start for this leg an hour later than scheduled. 

At seven o'clock, it was still too warm for me as I was still sensitive from the earlier run. This was a nice and very beautiful run. I had some nice conversations with myself, God, and my father-in-law Don. I learned a lot in this run. I love these silent conversations with good company.

In the middle of Leg #15, running through Morgan, UT.

Leg Twenty-seven  - My distance ended up at 7.75 miles (run time 1:41:34). I started running around eight-thirty in the morning. This run made me say a very bad word at the end. 

When I started this run, I had a little reserve and I was hoping that somewhere along the way I would find the strength to finish. I never did. I can honestly say that during the majority of this run I was carried by someone else and in between was raw nerve. 

I had nothing left. In facing this run I was mentally prepared to run a 1fifteen-minute mile or slower, but somehow I was at an average of twelve and a half to thirteen minutes. How? I do not know. 

About a mile after the picture below was taken I was yelling at Don, telling him that in last nights' run we had an agreement that he was going to push my rump up the darn hill. At that point I swear I could hear his little sinister chuckle and the words, "then get going". Then I just got angry. Don knew that would get me going; the little snot.

I used my arm to push (paddle) me forward. I leaned further into the hill to let gravity pull me up. I was so concentrated I never noticed that my van (that wasn't permitted to support me on this leg) was watching and cheering me on. 

I'm certain their cheers and thoughts were accepted as prayers to support me through this run. I know there were family and friends devoting energy and well wishes for me during this time. I received all of those blessings in this run as well as my first. 

Here too, all the ear ringing, nape of neck pinching, eye pain, arm tingling, leg weakening returned. By the time I crested the big hill I felt like someone else took over. Then came the downhill... 

It was a blur. I should have fallen. I couldn't feel much of anything in either leg than just pressure and tingling - not true, my right leg was still semi-present. I threw water over me again and kept going. I climbed the last hill and saw the exchange - which meant my finish line. 

I could see the runner (Stephanie) that I was to pass the wristband off to, I could see one of my teammates - as it turns out there were two. I yelled ahead for Stephanie to be ready because I wasn't stopping. 

I yelled again to my teammates Casey and Aaron, to be ready because once I stopped, I didn't know if my legs would be there. Snap! Stephanie was off on her last run. 

Plop! Casey and Aaron caught me. I couldn't feel much of anything from just above my knees down. Then I said a very bad word. Somehow, I made it. I wanted to cry. I don't even know if I did. Via help from Casey and Aaron, I got to the van. It also helped that some hot guy in a Tarzan outfit walked by; that was sure motivating.

Starting up the initial hill near Jordanelle Reservoir
for an overall 840 ft elevation gain.

Thank you to all who had me in their thoughts and prayers. You helped me finish. This medal belongs to you.

My biggest take home message from this run is that: 

Life is tough, but if we keep moving 

just one foot in front of the other (figuratively), 

even relying on others with each step, we will finish. 

And we'll finish with big rewards.

The Other Side of Las Vegas

In June 2002 my husband and I went to Las Vegas, Nevada for a brief weekend trip. And so the story begins...

I was walking from air-conditioned car to air-conditioned hotel to air-conditioned anything... I simply couldn't handle the heat and I didn't know why. One step in the heat, then I would vomit. 

One bite of food and then I would get the same reaction. It was horrid, to say the least. I pretty much stayed in the dark hotel room with the AC unit ramped high. 

We quickly decided to head home, and I think it was the morning we were going to leave that we went to breakfast. Well, Josh went to breakfast. I put food on my plate and stared at it, wondering how long it would stay down. I was so hungry that I eventually caved and took a bite, then two, then three then... RUN! 

While in the restroom, I was kneeling, practically face-planted in the water of the toilet bowl, gasping for air in between a mixture of dry heaves and a complete...unleashing. 

It was at the moment of the long awaited sixty-second relief with no vomit and actual breathing when a woman outside the bathroom stall spoke to me and asked, "Are you okay dear?" 

Then came my gasping labored lie of "uh-huh". She was so kind and didn't give up, as she offered, "can I get you some water?" In my selfish, embarrassed state I replied weakly "no, thank you". 

What the woman said next has remained fixed in my memory since that time. 

In an extremely heartfelt tone she said, "Ma'am, I know you are having a hard time in there, but you need to know that you are worth more than this. God loves you. You need to stop torturing yourself this way. I don't know you, but I do know that you are worth so much more than this. We were given food to feed the body and scripture to feed the soul. God loves you. I'll pray for you." 

All I had energy to utter at the time, between my labored breathing and still dripping mouth, while tears were now flowing was a  feeble, "thank you."

After this the woman left and a short time later my stomach settled and I was able to return to my husband. I relayed to him the story of what had happened and neither of us really knew what to think about that situation. 

Obviously the woman thought I was bulimic or something. There were several women who walked in and out of the restroom while I was in there; but only one asked if I needed help. 

This experience has really stuck with me though. Here's why I am sharing it with you:

• This June I will be heading to Las Vegas for a conference. 
• This June will make it ten years since that last experience. I am returning, fully intending on having a very different... less projectile vomiting...experience this go-around.
• When the vomit monster hit me ten years ago, it was due to complications of how my body was responding to heat at that time. We also now know that Multiple Sclerosis was the culprit.
• My life has become much better regardless of the presence of disease and seasonal heat.
• This was a tremendous display of human kindness from one stranger to another who was apparently in great distress. 
• Even though the stranger got the situation all wrong, her response was still perfect. 

It's the last two points I want to focus on here. A stranger could see that there was something wrong and did her best to help in the only way she knew how, which was to reaffirm that:

• I'm worth more.
• I am my own worst enemy.
• What we do to or put into our body has consequences, which may indeed be all wrong for us, causing us great harm.
• What we do to fuel our soul through this life is just as important as how we fuel our body.
• Getting through this life may require reliance on another person's faith and effort on our behalf; even strangers.
• God loves us.

Believe me when I say that I never imagined I would go to "Sin City" expecting to hear a stranger preaching in the name of Sunday to me; especially while vomiting in a bathroom stall and then having that experience stick with me for the rest of my life. 

But there you have it. She spoke absolute truth. I sincerely do believe that she prayed for me. How often do we leave situations when we can see that another is in need, yet we fail to share the essentials as noted above?

This is an excellent example of what drives and motivates me today. You see, I know now that I am indeed worth more. I'm tired of being  doubled over with the burden of being my own worst enemy. 

I am trying earnestly to really care about what I feed myself physically and spiritually, so that my body is as strong as it can be for what God wants me to do, to be. 

I need all within the sound of my voice and within reach of my virtual pen to pray for me; lending me strength and faith when I otherwise wouldn't have any. When all is said and done, I still know that God loves me - that's all that really matters anyway.

I'm so thankful that ten years ago I got to see the other side of Las Vegas. Thanks to a stranger...it has made all the difference.

Melene's Story

                                         

My sister rocks! Melene is my older blister, er, I mean sister and she is genuinely cool without even trying. Melene, like me, has Multiple Sclerosis (diagnosed in 1998). 

Melene used to be an avid volleyball player, leisure Moab Slick Rock biker, and hiker. When MS hit, it was hard, fast - anything but kind. 

Melene was then left to pick up the pieces, somehow cope, be a new mom in her early years of marriage, and redefine her new norm. Her road has been tough and scary. But her humor, kindheartedness, subtle determination, and ingenuity has made this road easier to travel for sure. 

I know of no one else that can make yelling at a fire hydrant to cross the road or receiving a warning for peeing behind a police station sound absolutely hilarious without making you feel sorry for them. 

Melene takes it as it comes and does the best she can with a wonderful, even cheerful attitude. I admire this lady and am pleased to call her my sister. 

Last year Melene discovered a love for recumbent biking and since then she's discovered several other things that she can do, despite predominantly using a cane and a wheelchair in settings where there are large gatherings. 

Thanks to Melene's fighter attitude and the amazing help of National Ability Center, she has returned to biking, skiing, swimming, and will soon try out horseback riding. I lied, skiing wasn't really in the picture pre-diagnosis, so that one is all new! 

When diagnosis and disability came for Melene, she felt unable to continue "active living". Melene honestly thought she'd not be able to do these kind of activities again... she's since found that with a little creativity and patience, that these things can indeed be done. 

Enjoying these activities are not lost after all; just a little altered - and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I would like to take a moment here and thank those at the National Ability Center for putting up with Melene during this time. It must be very difficult to laugh and enjoy yourselves so much while helping her redefine her abilities. Thank you for all your hard work!

I simply can't think of a better place for philanthropic efforts to be spent than in support of clinical research to improve medical options or for places like the National Ability Center to improve hope and quality of life. 

If for no other reason than this (benefiting Melene) the funds have been entirely worth it. I'm sure they would appreciate any donation you could give. 

In addition to the National Ability Center, please note that on April 28 I will be walking with a few friends, like we have walked for the MS Walk before. 

If you feel like you would like to make a donation toward MS research, programs, and support please consider donating to team Diana's Dream, by visiting this site. Melene, this is a lifelong walk for sure, isn't it?

Canyonlands Half Marathon

Just showing up to run a Half Marathon!
Left to Right: Laura, Melanie, Diana, Tiffany, Janice.

Last week (March 11 through18, 2012) was Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Awareness Week. To close out MS Awareness Week out I decided to help those that know me by making them more aware that MS isn't an instant or definite disability. To show MS that I've got my fight on, I ran the Canyonlands Half Marathon on March 17th. 

Even if I couldn't have run that, I would have done something ... anything to defy the odds of my current circumstance. Even though I had my fight on, I was nervous. And for some darn reason, I was even doubtful. This doubt downright ticked me off. 

It was interesting to show up for something like that and just go with the flow. I trained, I registered, so I was going to do it and do it to the best of my ability. Then came the wind... good night! 

Average winds during the race were twenty-two to thirty-five miles per hour - the entire way. The winds didn't have the courtesy of blowing at my back either. I wanted so badly to stay with the 2two hour, twenty-minute race pacer, who just happened to be my cousin. 

However, this day wasn't the day for that kind of running. I was able to stay with that pacing group for about five or six miles, though. It was unsafe for me to keep that pace. 

The wind and I were fighting and in order for me to feel good about the run and keep all my faculties together; I had to slow it down and run my own race. 

I even speed walked collectively about three miles. Oh! I can't forget to praise the makers of Imodium and  Pepto-Bismol chewable tablets! Thanks to them, I was able to keep my inner workings from further complicating things like they did for the Salt Lake City Half Marathon. 

When I got to the last quarter mile I did what I always do in finishing races, I gave it all I had to cross the finish. Every muscle protested with each step, but I crossed with all my energy reserve. 

At the finish was my totally awesome husband waiting for me and all I could do was hug him and cry a bit. His arms have felt like a refuge many times over our married life, but at that moment I felt saved. I love you Josh!

So with this being a tribute to pretty much say "F-You Multiple Sclerosis", I would like to raise awareness and point you to a full description about MS, which can be found at this website. 

However, please note that MS affects each person differently. Just because you knew someone with a horrible MS experience DOES NOT mean your experience (or mine) will be the same. So please, stop telling horror stories to people who are newly diagnosed. 

Also, comparison, bitterness and fear are only a fast track to absolutely nowhere. Not everyone with MS can walk, but by no means does this mean you are doomed either. 

What I am saying is more universal: that we must accept the ailment, so that we can move beyond it. Treat the disease with the options you have available and then live to the best of your current ability - which may vary over time. It's just like I mentioned above, "...I had to run my own race." 

Do yourself and everyone around you a huge favor and refuse to live life based on the unpredictability of disease. I'm not saying that everything will be happy, I'm simply saying find ways to accommodate your needs and l-i-v-e. 

It is what it is and you can always live your life to the best of your current ability. This ability is determined by your attitude. 

I feel a burden to be constantly on the lookout for ways to accommodate my current abilities, so that I feel able-minded. Yes, be aware of MS (or whatever disease affects someone close to you), and be aware of the various states of the disease: extreme, abnormal, and mild forms. 

Not only that, but become aware of what people are doing even though they have a disease.  You may not be able to do exactly the same things as others, but you should be able to see that pretty much the only thing stopping you is yourself. 

The National Ability Center is a prime example of what can be done, when you believe or have someone believe in you.

Doing Most Everything!

Question: What do you think of when you see the acronym DME? 

Depending on who you are and what you face daily, DME could be a Moscow airport, Digital Motor Electronics, a chemical solvent, a Canadian brewery, or if you are like me Durable Medical Equipment. 

The term seems relatively harmless. Individually the words are actually very strong, frequently used words. But for some reason when combined, Durable Medical Equipment tends to carry a hefty punch in the gut, especially when the term is used in relation your own personal abilities. I know because I've experienced it. 

I've had home health nurses hook me up to IV's and I've walked with a cane out of need. I already know what the transition of able bodied to "needing assistance" feels like. 

But it's the public stare you get with "disability" that can test your hope, motivation, and positive outlook; it can even alter your perception of self.

I have a dear friend, who is about my age, and she also has multiple sclerosis. She is absolutely beautiful, inside and out. She has a genuine sincerity and glow about her. 

My friend used to be a dancer; however, her legs no longer perform like a dancer's. But my dear friend is still living life fully. She has kids, a husband, she's a normal mom. 

She has things to do, activities with kids and family. She's also a patient advocate speaker. This last December we travelled back from our patient advocate conference together. 

I was assisting her through the airport by pushing her two-wheeled walker and transporting her carry-on bag, while someone from airport security wheeled her to our gate in a wheelchair. 

While walking through the airport she told me to look at people as we walk through the airport. She wanted me to notice how often people stared at me specifically while pushing her walker. 

I pushed her walker as though I needed it to walk. It was simply easier to move it and her bag that way. In all reality, it appeared as though I was using the walker out of need. 

Oh dear, people really do stare... sometimes people are so transparent that there's no guessing as to what they are thinking. 

I got stares when I used a cane - but not like this. I now know the look and feel of pitiable concern - I do not like it at all. After a while I found that it had negatively affected my spirit. 

I really wondered about my ability to cope with that situation, if my level of ability were to ever require "assistance". 

I have another friend that was in an accident in his early twenties and it left him a quadriplegic. I was talking with him not too long ago.  He's been in a wheelchair now for more of his life than he's been without one. 

He's now at the point where he doesn't personally view himself as "disabled". He's married, lives a very full life. Travels for work, for pleasure and yes there are always considerations that have to be made in order to do that, but it's second nature now for him - it's normal. He said he doesn't even notice all the stares very much anymore.

It may be a hard pride hit to go from your own ability to using a DME (cane, walker, wheelchair), but recently I've really liked my new take home message of what a DME is. 

To me they're not only canes, walkers, wheelchairs, catheters, and such. They are also shoes, railings, ramps, a steady hand, and trekking poles to name a few. Even more recently, they are running shoes, cooling vests, iPod, knee brace, ice and pillow. 

All of these things are designed to get you from one location to another or to assist you achieve a desired action. To help you keep living life, in whatever capacity you can currently participate.

My DME's (left to right): cane, running shoes,  running water belt,
trekking poles, sharps container, needles, porcupine massage ball, knee brace.

After evaluating both of my friends and their circumstances as noted above, I have decided that because of my accumulated DME, I am and already have been, Doing Most Everything. 

I know that when people had a fixed gaze on me while using my cane a few years ago, and while pushing my friend's walker through the airport, that judgments were being made. 

But even if I weren't using those things, judgments were still being made. We can't escape that in life, so why let those judgments define our own beliefs and abilities? 

This is where the Imaginary Villain (the ego) seeps into our life. It is also precisely when we must commit to live life without limits.

If my time comes to live life fully in a more modified fashion, I pray that you will help me remember that I am still Doing Most Everything, just in a different way. We all need this kind encouragement.