Poetry Corner: iDistracted

iDistrated

Staring deep into the digital chasm

he and she seek,

                                    never finding the connections

                                                or answers they yearn for –

Theses connections and answers live

in real time

face-to-face

in spoken words

with real emotions,

                                                                        lacking emoticons.

silence,

stillness,

patience,

prayers unscrolled…

actual thoughts, and

true expressions

By Diana M. Bateman

(May 2015)

Seeing Blind People

Maybe if I ride this persons bumper they will speed up or better yet, maybe they will move?

If I cut around this car then I won't have to slow down too... Why are they slowing down?

I can't believe he/she doesn't think that it's not noticeable that they're texting while driving.

Have you ever thought these things?

This summer my son and I were in a car accident and my vehicle was totaled. No injuries, by miracle, but car absolutely gone. Since that time I have seen a flurry of horrible driving. Admittedly, I am a bit afraid to be out on the roads.

I am driving defensively, following all traffic rules and no cutting corners. I've never been in an accident like this before. Sure I've been rear-ended (light tap really), but that's it. 

Yesterday while driving, there was a lady riding my bumper and getting upset that I wasn't driving the way she wanted me to. I could see her upset in the rear-view mirror. 

Without logic or reason I could see her speed up, trying to force me to drive faster. This made me mad because in short order I was going to have to slow down even more to make a right hand turn. 

I pointed in the mirror to her and gestured that she should go around me; seeing as how that lane was absolutely clear! Huffing and puffing she did so and went speeding away.

The next day while attempting to turn right, I yielded to pedestrians as was appropriate to the situation, when behind me some impatient soul illegally zipped around me creating their own two-lane right turn area and he nearly hit the wheelchair pedestrian and a child. I honked for all it was worth to stop the situation. All made it safely out of that situation and the other car found a way to speed off without incident. How? I do not know.

It has been like this all summer. Horrible driving, terrible impatience and people just not being aware. I feel like I am surrounded by people that are physically able to see but mentally blind to the actual surroundings.

My life, my sons, the guy in the wheelchair and the little kids life are not worth your text, your impatience, or you illogical need to dominate the road. 

Slow down. Pay attention. Don't create your own rules on the road. 

Please, do not be a seeing blind person.

Turn it off!

Have you ever been so surrounded by the white-noise of life that you feel a constant nagging and yet undefined agitation?

This is what happens to me when I don't get quiet time to simply reflect and think. This time is sacred and requires being unplugged and push notifications turned off. 

For me, the best meditation and reflection time typically occurs either running or with my favorite pen in hand, paper nearby and either on a beautiful walk or sitting in an awesomely comfortable chair.

If I don't get quality time like that I feel lost, frustrated, and internally angry. I don't think I realized how critical this time is for me until recently. 

Having just spent time on a little vacation to Mexico at beautiful resort, I had some of this reflection time. It came in fits and starts while still needing to be a mom and a wife, but I was able to get more of this reflection time than normal.

I learned something during this time that was critical to know. Yes, I need a moment in time for inner reflection and it can certainly happen in 5-10 minutes. 

I just need to be more willing to surrender to that time, rather than fighting for more - thinking that quantity is more valuable than quality.

I also learned how I have used stupid apps to numb the void I feel inside when I don't take a quality 5-10 minutes to myself. That constant numbing wastes so much time and makes us oblivious to amazing experiences that can only be seen after pressing the off button.

These are important things to learn and rediscover throughout life. This practice is a good mental health check. 

Drive Through Life

As I have been becoming adjusted to the life of a mother, so many things have taken on new meaning and have brought a heightened level of understanding. Such as the modern day drive-through window.

Goodnight! What used to be a five minute errand has now become 20-30, if things are running smoothly with a babe in tow. This is not a complaint, rather a realization made public. 

I can understand how a tired parent would find it easier to hit a fast food restaurant, using the drive-through window, rather than going home to cook a meal. 

It really doesn't save time at all, but if you are already out and about, it certainly saves on energy devoted to feeding the crew. It also makes more sense why I see minivans pull into a fast food window or quick stop coffee shop, just to get a thirty-two ounce soda or daily coffee. 

The time and hassle of getting in and out of the car with a car seat or child is too much just to get a simple fix of caffeine. I have found myself deliberating the term is "is it worth it?" 

It sure makes things more visible, if you still have a lingering addiction(s). It also brings to light how ingrained old habits are which have long since been broken... they start to creep back in.

Some may think that I am over-thinking this or putting too much pressure on myself, but I don't think that at all. I think I am absolutely worth the effort of questioning this, rather than blindly following convenience and socially accepted norms. 

An occasional stop, wherein I struggle to make the healthiest selection possible is one thing, but more than, say, twice a month... I'm not happy with that.

So the question is, do I condescend to a quick food stop, for sake of sanity and ease but then lose total nutrition? Especially while in the same stop I'm also training my kid(s) into this kind of habit? 

I'm asking myself this question now, because the answer is incredibly important to me. I need to make the decision now - not on the go. 

It may be more difficult to wait a few minutes with an already hungry family to make a better, lower-fat, sugar-reduced or non-fried meal. It may be more inconvenient in the short term, but certainly less so in the long term. 

I'm interested in reducing physical and health-based consequences, not creating them. Is this unrealistic? Only to those that haven't made it a priority to care enough to actually change their behavior. Oops! I said it and may have offended someone, but if I did, then good - it hit home. 

I absolutely refuse to turn around ten years from now and look back to see that it was during this time that I could have committed to not embrace a drive-through life, especially when there were better options and better habits to step into. 

Regardless of the direction, it requires practice. My practice is currently outlined. It is to start: 
1) making and packing lunches if I'm headed out for the day - I've got a cooler and ice packs - they will be used; 
2) driving home, not "through"; 
3) prepare a healthy snack bag to have on hand.

Byron Katie is coming!

Byron Katie is an amazing woman who has such a simple concept  she teaches and the simple concept is quite literally mind blowing. She's going to be presenting at the Salt Lake City Downtown Radisson on September 22; who's coming with me?

Participating in this one day event can quite literally change your life. It has the power to strip you of negative perceptions and help you write new very positive ones.

To learn more about The Work of Byron Katie, click here.

Salt Lake City, Utah 
Saturday, 22 September 2012
The Work Now—Loving What Is with Byron Katie 

Byron Katie has one job: to teach people how to end their own suffering. As she guides people through her simple yet powerful process of inquiry, called The Work, they find again and again that their stressful beliefs—about the world, other people, or themselves—can no longer run their lives. Join Katie in a workshop designed to take you on this one-of-a-kind journey of self-discovery now. 

Schedule

Saturday, 22 September, 10 a.m.–5 p.m.

Personal Manifesto

As promised from my last blogpost...
What is a manifesto?

A manifesto is a public declaration of intentions. You may have just been turned off with the word “public” and feel the desire to shy away from reading any further. hBefore you leave, though, try to look at it this way – public simply means, written and visible. 

If you happen to share it with anyone else, well then that’s your prerogative. A manifesto is a very good way to get the concepts of where you’ve come from and where you intend to go out in front of you. 

In doing so, you’ve just taken something undefined and made it tangible, in order to cultivate an incredible tool to plot out your future intentions – to make the future less uncertain, and instead more purposeful. 

Manifestos can be professional, business or personal declarations of purpose. I believe that a personal manifesto is an incredibly powerful tool to rewrite your present, your future and to cultivate a stronger better you.

In order to create your manifesto you need a specific topic. I really like using Jeff Goins’, The Writer’s Manifesto as a good example. This is completely focused on how to write unfettered and a way to stop being your own stumbling block. However, here are few more famous manifestos that you may have heard of:

Ø  US Declaration of Independence

Ø  Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech

Ø  The Ten Commandments

Now how do you write a manifesto?

I really like how clear and concise Geoff McDonald has outlined the tools for this activity. I’ll make a quick summary here:

Ø  Intent: What do you intend to achieve in writing your manifesto? What’s the end goal?

Ø  Declaration: Be straight up and bold, say it how it is.

Ø  Public: You can take this to any level you want to. Share with yourself by making it visible to you daily; share with your spouse, partner, family; this could be a business effort. However public you make this is up to you, however it needs to be visible. Why? Accountability.

Ø  3 Rules 

1)    Outline what you intend to achieve.

2)    Create or enhance a better future.

3)    Make public.

To Restate and To Keep In Mind

• Have a specific manifesto topic in mind.
• Stay focused.
• Be real. Your manifesto is as powerful as you are honest.
• Manifestos can evolve as you do.
• Keep your ethics and your standards in mind always.
• Be willing to articulate what has colored your perspective(s), without pointing blame.
• It is what it is; you must know this in order to move beyond who you currently are.

Shooting Up in a Las Vegas Bathroom

This is as close I could get to Tony Horton.
I will meet him next year. I have a plan.

I recently participated in the Beachbody Coach Summit event in Las Vegas, Nevada. I was able to meet some pretty amazing coaches, trainers, and leadership figures. 

I've included a few pictures in this blog entry of some of the famous Beachbody faces. This was an amazing experience for me. 

I'd like to share a little bit about this event as well as what it was like to "shoot up" in a Las Vegas bathroom. I am of course speaking about my Multiple Sclerosis medication. 

Meeting & working out with
Debbie Siebers!

I carpooled with a few people from my general area to this conference and was quickly relieved to find out that they were normal and pleasant to spend time with. 

Not having met them before, I was indeed concerned. But we had an excellent time driving to Vegas and back. They may even say that I was the weird one... very possible...

I was also very relieved to find out that my temporary roommate was also normal and a real delight to hang around. So, two for two - something had to go wrong, right? Not at all. 

Though I really struggled with the ninety-eight to one hundred eight degree temperatures of Nevada, I was able to participate in most everything. More than that, I actually felt like I belonged. This last one was a biggie, as I have never felt this way - not really.

I was just simple tickled to
meet Chalene Johnson.

Kudos to fellow Beachbody Coaches Christine B. (thanks for the "better than sex spray mister!"); Tamara G. (thanks for looking out for me); MGM Grand concierge (thanks for figuring out how to get me to and from the pool) and security (thanks for pushing the wheelchair and getting me safely back to my room when my legs couldn't carry me). 

Thanks to all for getting creative and being such a big help so I could participate poolside with my team - if only for forty minutes. This was tremendous! 

It took about two hours to recover, but I did it and was able to workout live with Tony Horton later that day! This was so totally awesome! 

Donna Richardson is highly spiritual person.
Very pleasant to talk with.

Over the next few days I was also able to meet and work out live with Debbie Siebers. 

I was also able to meet Chalene Johnson (TurboFire, ChaLEAN Extreme, etc), Donna Richardson (Body Gospel), and have a random run in with Leandro Carvhalo (Brazil Butt Lift). Um, so Leandro totally grabbed my rump! Good times. ;-) 

I was able to get close enough to hear the voices and feel the energy of Tony Horton and Shawn T.. I was able to listen to them speak, watch and do work outs, and find that they are the same in person as they are on disc - high energy, fun-loving, constantly improving themselves and intense.

Now as the conference got into full swing it took me about half a day to realize that come shot time on Saturday, I wouldn't have time between sessions and activities to make it back to my room to take my medication and still make it to the next event in time. 

I realized I was going to have to keep my shot on hand for one of our very brief breaks on Saturday, during which I would have to go to the restroom and take my shot. 

I have to admit, this was indeed a very different experience than the last time I was in a Las Vegas bathroom. This time though, I was injecting a MS medication into my leg while in the bathroom, rather than throwing up, while some lady prayed outside the bathroom stall. (The prayer being that the poor bulimic lady would be okay and find her way to Jesus.) 

I think the funniest part about shooting up in a Las Vegas bathroom was when I came out to wash my hands. I didn't want to just put the needle and syringe in the garbage (highly irresponsible). 

I put it back in my purse and would bring it home to my sharps container. The funny thing is that handling this shot is so normal for me now, that I didn't pay attention to what others 

Leandro Carvahlo has ENERGY
and big devious smile.

might be thinking in the bathroom. 

I only caught on when I realized I had a few confused stares, as I was separating the needle from the syringe to put it in a baggie and back in my purse. I tried to explain, but I don't really think those ladies believed me... Good times!

Chalene Johnson and Shawn T.
two very beautiful people inside and out.

All in all, this conference was amazing! I learned that all the things I've been doing to improve my health have been spot on. 

I'm really excited now to help others rise to the challenges of life and push beyond those challenges. I saw so many people that have achieved similar outcomes regarding their health as I have. 

I was energized and charged by this. I realized that I'm not unique in this regard. This was a refreshing discovery, because it made me realize that I'm not some crazy lady doing crazy things and that I'm not an anomaly. 

No, these changes to health and wellness, even with disease, is actually attainable. I'm not only living proof, but there are thousands out there in a similar situation, doing this too and having amazing results. 

Again, it was refreshing to see that I'm not smokin' and being unrealistic. People truly can move beyond the bounds of illness and disability, if they are willing to get creative and redefine possibilities. It's not easy! It's painful, infuriating, frustrating, disappointing, but so incredibly worth it!

I spoke with people that have serious diabetes, and other chronic or neurological dysfunctions. I spoke with people that use fitness to combat serious depression and recover from wartime struggles. 

I interacted and identified with a few people in wheelchairs that are modifying Beachbody programs such as P90X and Insanity; they are indeed really doing these programs. 

I met morbidly obese people that have done P90X, TurboFire, BodyGospel, Slim in 6, Brazil Butt Lift and more - they've already lost one hundred pounds or more, and though still morbidly obese or overweight, they are on the right track to attain very real transformations. 

I met people in their sixties and seventies still working out on intense levels; one of them even described diet and fitness as the "fountain of youth". It is possible to change your direction in life. 

To make these changes though, the questions are: How bad do you really want it? Do you want it bad enough to commit to recommitting? 

Do you want it bad enough to create consistent discipline to get you there? Do you want it bad enough to change self-sabotaging behaviors? Are you permitting yourself to actually have a quality life? Do you believe you are deserving? 

If so, then change your behavior. If it's that important to you, then you will make it happen. If you keep faltering, then your "why?" may have changed or isn't strong enough. Decide. Commit. Succeed. It doesn't have to be perfect, just consistent. 

You have to be willing to go to hot places when you have problems with heat. You have to be willing to take your medications in public restrooms. 

These are required to remove yourself from feeling trapped by illness. You have to be willing to surrender to modifications in order to participate fully. 

It's not about being picture perfect and doing it just like everyone else. It's about doing it in whatever way that you can, so that everyone else can't hide behind lame excuses to improve. 

If you are unwilling to engage and try, then it's an excuse. If you are unwilling to be vulnerable, then you are prideful and you will either linger in stasis or continue to decline. 

I see now, more than ever before, that the only thing that keeps us from achieving all that our heart desires in this life, 

is our commitment, dedication, and attitude.

My F-Words

Fantastic   *   Fearless   *   Friend   *   Fortunate   *   Fighter

The F-word kept creeping up in my mind for several weeks... well, most of April and much of May...but it seemed to begin dissipating since yesterday, actually. 

But the F'n-this and F'n-that has been dominating my internal response to things. Thankfully I've been able to keep it internal. But it's been an internal persistent dwelling and contemplation of language I just really don't use. 

Earlier this week I was able to grab my brain, give it a good talking to and say, think of this entire situation differently, dammit! Dammit... now that's more like me. A D-word has a more satisfactory cacophony than an F does anyway.

So the situation doesn't really matter, it could be any situation, but my response to it wasn't doing me any favors. 

As a matter of fact, I ended up with a monster cold sore on my lip. The cold sore went hog wild on half my face in t-minus two seconds.

In efforts to actively try and change my attitude and reaction to the situation (because that's the only thing I really have control over anyway), I decided I needed new F-words. 

This decision was in an effort to try and add a positive spin to the... crud. Though the situation is truly F'd up, I am indeed physically feeling Fantastic. 

I am moving Fearlessly forward with my own personal goals. I have awesome Friends that support me in tremendous ways. 

Because of the Fantastic health, Fearless persistence and downright awesome Friends, I have the strength in me to continue on; continuing on in spite of opposition means that I am a Fighter in every sense of the word. 

So mentally when I think f-f-f-f-f it now comes out sounding like f-f-fighter! So there! Bring on the weekend!

Fantastic   *   Fearless   *   Friend   *   Fortunate   *   Fighter

(la-la-la) Dear Ego, I Refuse To Hear You

When it comes to motivation, goals and achieving them, there's one key thing that really makes it all happen. 

It's the thing your parents struggled to teach you, the thing you struggle to teach your kids. It's the thing that you wish your spouse or partner would just get a grip on. 

Most importantly, it's the thing you will do anything not to have to admit that you don't have. It's all about discipline. Agh! Shh, ugh, yes, I really just said it $#&@!

I wish I had a magic pill for you to take, but I don't. This is a topic that I'm still working on. I fail daily. I'm also committed to recommitting, to becoming more disciplined - daily. Odd, but there's a huge sense of freedom in this thing called discipline.

Where do you lack? Look yourself in the mirror while asking this question. Make eye contact with yourself. Where are you lying to yourself? Start there. Restart there, then... start again.

Do yourself a huge favor, do not take the path of least resistance today. Then commit to trying the same thing again tomorrow. Frustrate your ego consistently and you will find a tremendous amount of inner strength that you never knew you had. 

Be free of whatever bogs you down - even if it's just for a few hours. It is the taste of momentary freedom that will help you to keep trying. 

Recovery

I was sitting at my desk at work the other day when I heard a soda can being opened. I was amazed by the instantaneous physical and mental response I had to that sound. 

I immediately started to salivate and found myself having a difficult time concentrating on the task in front of me. I was dwelling on the can and the fizz of carbonation. I was mentally starving for a fix. 

I needed a can of my own to make that sound and then swallow enough soda feverishly, so that I could get the burning fix of a carbonated rush in my throat. I needed the soothing relief of a soda hit. 

It’s been quite a while since my last drink of some sort of cola. I’m not even sure I can recall when that was. After all this time of living a water only lifestyle, I still get hit with the sensation of addiction.

We all have moments similar to this with one vice or another, but it’s how we cope with them that really affects us, as well as foreshadows our future response(s) when we face them the next time. It even bleeds into our general ability of self-control.

This could be similar to a variety of challenges that you face, maybe not with a caffeinated beverage, but I think you get my point. 

In this particular case though, once I was able to temper the shaking need in my mind, I began to ask myself:  What am I missing? What am I really starving for? What is lacking enough in my life, to make me feel the stinging need of a fix this time? What’s been happening in my life lately? What really needs feeding?

Sometimes you may not even think about why you want that soda; you may just have an immediate response to dig in your wallet and make your purchase at the break room machine. 

That may not even be enough, you might actually pick up and go to the convenience store, so that you can have a larger quantity or you might simply need a fountain drink rather than a can; because that is your psychological preference for a satisfying fix.  

You might even be salivating now reading about this. Why? Is it because it reminds you that you are lacking in some way and you need to have the void numbed with your vice of choice, so you can be relieved once again from having to actually think about the real reason you feel empty in some way?

Today I successfully circumvented the burning need by drinking a lot of water then going for a short brisk walk…  not once, not twice, but three times! All just to shake the burning need for something that I already decided I really didn’t want in my life anymore.

So why did I struggle with this issue, in this way, after all this time? I think it was because I really didn’t want to be at work. I had other things on my mind that currently have a higher priority to me. 

The reality though, is that I have an obligation to this job and because of that I must set the things that I really want to do aside, for a time, in order to meet all demands on my plate. 

The frustrating thing is that I didn’t understand all of this until my third walk. It may have taken a little while to come to that conclusion, but I got there without a soda. I'm pretty sure that this is called progress! Yeah for small triumphs!