Recovery

I was sitting at my desk at work the other day when I heard a soda can being opened. I was amazed by the instantaneous physical and mental response I had to that sound. 

I immediately started to salivate and found myself having a difficult time concentrating on the task in front of me. I was dwelling on the can and the fizz of carbonation. I was mentally starving for a fix. 

I needed a can of my own to make that sound and then swallow enough soda feverishly, so that I could get the burning fix of a carbonated rush in my throat. I needed the soothing relief of a soda hit. 

It’s been quite a while since my last drink of some sort of cola. I’m not even sure I can recall when that was. After all this time of living a water only lifestyle, I still get hit with the sensation of addiction.

We all have moments similar to this with one vice or another, but it’s how we cope with them that really affects us, as well as foreshadows our future response(s) when we face them the next time. It even bleeds into our general ability of self-control.

This could be similar to a variety of challenges that you face, maybe not with a caffeinated beverage, but I think you get my point. 

In this particular case though, once I was able to temper the shaking need in my mind, I began to ask myself:  What am I missing? What am I really starving for? What is lacking enough in my life, to make me feel the stinging need of a fix this time? What’s been happening in my life lately? What really needs feeding?

Sometimes you may not even think about why you want that soda; you may just have an immediate response to dig in your wallet and make your purchase at the break room machine. 

That may not even be enough, you might actually pick up and go to the convenience store, so that you can have a larger quantity or you might simply need a fountain drink rather than a can; because that is your psychological preference for a satisfying fix.  

You might even be salivating now reading about this. Why? Is it because it reminds you that you are lacking in some way and you need to have the void numbed with your vice of choice, so you can be relieved once again from having to actually think about the real reason you feel empty in some way?

Today I successfully circumvented the burning need by drinking a lot of water then going for a short brisk walk…  not once, not twice, but three times! All just to shake the burning need for something that I already decided I really didn’t want in my life anymore.

So why did I struggle with this issue, in this way, after all this time? I think it was because I really didn’t want to be at work. I had other things on my mind that currently have a higher priority to me. 

The reality though, is that I have an obligation to this job and because of that I must set the things that I really want to do aside, for a time, in order to meet all demands on my plate. 

The frustrating thing is that I didn’t understand all of this until my third walk. It may have taken a little while to come to that conclusion, but I got there without a soda. I'm pretty sure that this is called progress! Yeah for small triumphs!