Have you ever been in a circumstance where you could clearly see that "the moment" would be a source of real change? You know where recognition of something becomes the point of no return?
I've hit that tipping point a few times. My favorite is when I tried to run from a relationship because I was scared.
Instead of breaking up (like I had intended), he asked me to marry him. Without thought or reservation I said "yes!" In that moment I realized I meant it. It has been an adventurous twelve years for sure; a good adventure!
What about other times? This point of no return moment has happened with job changes, death, education pursuits, starting a family, building relationships, leaving relationships, and so on.
What about those times when you recognize change is happening, but you just don't know what it is. You know that weird time where things in general have gone from comfortable to awkward?
I feel awkward. I feel definitive pulls to go this way, to do that thing, focus here, put effort there. I also feel real obstacles every step of the way. It's like I am in a game of chess, without being privy to or having a total vantage point of the board. I also realize that I'm not supposed to either.
It is like I have a blindfold on and being subjected to a test of some sort. So what do you do in these moments?
I have no idea. But I do know what I am going to do about it.
I've decided to live life anyway. I am doing well. I am making good decisions that are appropriate for what is in front of me. Why should a looming, unknown outcome change my course?
The natural ebb and flux of life, mixed with a little unknown nudging will put me just right where I need to be... right? So, I live. I take care of obligations. I stick with commitments. All while feeling a little uneasy. And so it goes...