Poetry Corner: iDistracted

iDistrated

Staring deep into the digital chasm

he and she seek,

                                    never finding the connections

                                                or answers they yearn for –

Theses connections and answers live

in real time

face-to-face

in spoken words

with real emotions,

                                                                        lacking emoticons.

silence,

stillness,

patience,

prayers unscrolled…

actual thoughts, and

true expressions

By Diana M. Bateman

(May 2015)

Wheelchair Boxing

One day after just finishing up working with client at nearby recreation center, I happened upon a stunning site.

Picture this: A man, mid to late 40's, and in a wheelchair. It appeared as though the curvature of his spine and lack of muscle strength in his back prevented him from sitting straight in his chair. 

He was very hunched over and leaning to one side. While in this position, he was actively using a hanging punching bag. He was hitting it hard enough that the bag was moving quite a bit. He was only able to use one arm.

This experience made my mind travel in many directions. I pondered a great deal about him and the fitness effort that he was making. 

I also had the sense that though his body wasn't ideal for the boxing effort, he didn't seem to be a stranger to the punching bag in anyway.

My client also watched this man for a moment as we were wrapping up and rescheduling. I could see that my client was also moved by the experience. 

After my client left, I walked over to the treadmill to get some running in while I had the chance. I ran on the treadmill for 30-minutes, in between clients. The wheelchair boxer was there punching the entire time! That is an extremely long time at a punching bag. He was slow, but very strong, and very consistent.

He stopped once someone who looked like a health aid arrived, this was near the end of my run. The aid and the boxer conversed in a way that appeared as though the boxer was teaching the aid something. They then cleared and left the area.

It is when I see things like this that I am just blown away by how much effort it takes for some people to be involved in life and various events that the general population take for granted. 

These people are often times more involved and more engaged than fully able bodied people. These efforts often go unnoticed, unrecognized for what it is, or we actually avoid looking. 

I challenge you to not only look at these people, but give eye contact and smile. Look at them, talk to them, learn from them, and train with them. 

Living By Design

Some things simply happen, other things we dream would happen, but everything else we make happen. This is called living by design.

I intermittently suffer from panic and anxiety. It can be crippling at times. On days when it is really bad there is a level of paranoia that I must contend with as well. Panic, anxiety, and paranoia are not a pleasant combination of emotions. I am not embarrassed to admit this, it just is.

Since I have taken a more active role in creating and meeting goals, I have been able to shift my focus from the scary unknown things that I cannot control and instead let in the light from the known things, in order to change my troubled perceptions. 

Easier said than done, yet persistent practice is an amazing tool for any talent that you wish to develop. It is the same with the mind.

Because I struggle in this way, I have become more vocal about sharing tips and tricks that have helped me to see life from a different vantage point and to regain a persistently positive light in my life. 

I now understand that there are a few things in this life that we really do have control over. Consistent and persistent practice makes all of these much more tangible. 

• Thoughts (internal self-talk)
• Words (external self-talk or social interactions)
• Beliefs (willingness to be receptive/open to others' beliefs)
• Response (pausing, thinking, then speaking; stripping the ego from the response)
• Determination (never give up; pause, take a break, rethink the approach; try again)
• Focus (enlightening vs. titillating)
• Kindness (Smile! Say "thank you" and "please.")
• Positive behaviors (Be the kind of person your family and friends think you are.)
• Presence (active listening; face-to-face time with eye-contact; reduce distractions like phone, TV, etc.)

Oftentimes every single one of these require a deep breath, a brief pause, and a little prayer.

As I have tried to incorporate these elements in my daily life, I have been able to live more in the present; reducing the amount of time dwelling in the past and too much worry over the future.

These behaviors have brought a greater focus and implementation of successful behaviors in order to achieve goals. I allow myself to think forward, in a positive manner, to generate a macro-goal list. 

I then break down the big picture and generate a linear micro-goals list. Doing and achieving the little things has long since been a successful way to accomplishing the big ticket goals. It is about conditioning, in order to promote progression.

What would happen to our world if we were all more persistent in living by design in this manner? I think I would like to find out.

Your thoughts?

Pre-Authorizations & Denials

Have you ever received a medical or pharmaceutical pre-authorization denial? Do not give up hope.

I used to aid others in seeking pre-authorizations as well as fighting denials for services. I am also a patient and have been on the receiving end of a denial or two.

I would just like to share that "denied" coverage is not the end. If you feel that the service(s) or medication is warranted, you and your physicians office should work together to appeal the denial.

Write your own personal appeal letter to the insurance pre-authorization department. Make your own case about why they should make an exception in coverage for you. Let your letter be accompanied by your physicians appeal. 

If it is denied again. Appeal to your employer's human resources. Get involved, stay involved, ask questions; even asking the hard questions.

If still denied, then inquire with your physician or pharmaceutical company about any patient assistance programs that might be available.

Be patient. Be persistent. Turn over every rock and pray all the while.

Kiss and Tell

"Ew! They kissed!" 

As a young child I distinctly recall a number a road trips, driving around town, or simply hanging out at home where I witnessed my parents smooch. 

Sometimes they did it to gross the kids out, other times it was with all sincerity and we just happened to be there. I recall making fun and pretending to be grossed out with my siblings.

No matter what though, I always knew that my parents loved each other. It was comforting. 

As I continued to grow I remembered thinking that I hoped I found someone that wanted to kiss me and love me too.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband returned from a nearly 7-month deployment. So this last week, my husband and I took my son and ran away on a little vacation to San Antonio, TX. While there we visited Sea World. 

Sitting in the stands, waiting in anticipation of a killer whale show, our son did something unexpected and totally awesome.

He was between my husband and myself and put one arm around each of us. With a hand at the base of both of our necks, he kept pushing our faces together so my husband and I could kiss. Each time we kissed, Jacob sounded completely delighted, cheered, and laughed with joy. 

Tonight, a few days later, while on a boat ride, he did the same thing.

I'm starting to see that kids need to see their parents love, to touch, and to kiss. I'm not talking about the kind of stuff that should be behind doors. 

I am talking about nice kisses, hand holding, and hugs. It is comforting not only to the parents to engage in this way, but for their children to see love between parents.

Thank you Josh, for loving me like my Dad loves my Mom. I am blessed to have you. It is exactly because of who you are that I have no problem kissing you and telling this to the world.

Foggy Places and Rainy Days

I have vivid memories of a particularly dense fog that loomed over the Salt Lake Valley sometime during 1985.

The fog seemed the most thick while walking to school in the early morning hours. I had to walk to school with my younger sister Rebecca. Our school at that time was a mile away from home.

Rebecca was scared and walked very slow. I was annoyed and frustrated at first. The next day I realized that her fear was very real to her and she wasn't just making it up to bother me.

She was terrified that her field of vision was so limited. Rebecca was afraid that something truly dangerous was lurking in the fog and it was coming out to get her.

When it rained she was noticeably happier and energetic. When the fog again returned it felt almost as though the fog had also settled inside Rebecca and not just around her.

The fog was so persistent that eventually Rebecca became acclimated to it and it seemed to no longer affect her so severely. She was different though.

It wasn't long after that time that a different hazard surrounded Rebecca; now she was in a difficult and more brutal long-term fog. She would have to fight for her life for many years. 

Sometimes she was leery and cautious of the figurative impact of the dirt in the air around her, "the fog"; other times she was willfully oblivious of it. 

I am now speaking of the negative influence of filthy neighborhood kids, other bad influences, curiosity, molestation, and eventually drugs and alcohol.

The grotesque fog that settled on Rebecca lingered for the next twenty years. For many of those years I was frustrated with her, not fully understanding the dangers that had crept into her life from that same nasty foggy mess that seemed to constantly be her around.

Then I understood the fears, her reactions, and the way she handled the traumas in her life. It was all very warranted, very real, very scary, and her various responses were just as unique as she was.

I loved her, I had many great times and created fantastic memories with her. I also have hated her and not wanted to be around her.

I have laughed with her, I have cried with her, I have learned from her, and I have admired her. I have prayed for her, I have picked her up when she was down. I have been down and been buoyed up by her energy and creativity many times.

I miss sleepovers, late night Phase 10 tournaments, licorice-straws in soda, and cutting out pictures of our favorite famous people from magazines. I desperately miss sharing music and making up songs at the piano together.

I hate the fog that is created by others. It scares me now. It makes me feel more vulnerable than I want to feel. The only way I've been able to navigate it emotionally, has been to pray fervently and to constantly seek out good things.

I believe in a Supreme Being, a Father in Heaven, and I believe that this Being can indeed literally pull the fog out of us, if we let him. Trusting and submitting to the Supreme is like experiencing a good rain; clearing up bad air.

Fog, otherwise known as the darkness created by poor choices by us and others must be allowed to exist, so long as there is agency. The power to choose is ours and those choices certainly can affect others around us.

But this filth that gets kicked up and carried around in the air does not have to exist inside of me if I don't permit it to. I have that choice.

Rebecca made such amazing and tremendous improvements the last several years; especially 2012 until her passing this last May. 

At age 35, Rebecca suddenly passed away. Her body had been through enough and it had rejected the medications used to help her function... her body just simply stopped working. 

Her death was a merciful thing, I think. Rather than living in extreme pain and somehow making it through, she is now free from her pains. 

Her passing came at a high point in her life. What better time to go, right? Her fog has certainly lifted.

I can't help but feel happy for her. Though I miss her, I also feel that she is truly at peace. She deserves that. 

In some way, I sort of feel like she is the one now that is leading me  safely through the fog that comes and goes throughout life. 

I believe that she has joined a team of cheerleaders that surround me. They keep me from allowing any particular dirtiness from creating a fog that's too dense for me to navigate through.

I admire the vantage point and understanding that the dead must have on the living. 

I believe that when it is my turn to return to my Father in Heaven that created me, that I will be greeted by my cheerleaders; Rebecca, certainly first among them... knowing her, she wouldn't permit it any other way.

Writing this feels really good. It has been a healing reflection.

Seeing Blind People

Maybe if I ride this persons bumper they will speed up or better yet, maybe they will move?

If I cut around this car then I won't have to slow down too... Why are they slowing down?

I can't believe he/she doesn't think that it's not noticeable that they're texting while driving.

Have you ever thought these things?

This summer my son and I were in a car accident and my vehicle was totaled. No injuries, by miracle, but car absolutely gone. Since that time I have seen a flurry of horrible driving. Admittedly, I am a bit afraid to be out on the roads.

I am driving defensively, following all traffic rules and no cutting corners. I've never been in an accident like this before. Sure I've been rear-ended (light tap really), but that's it. 

Yesterday while driving, there was a lady riding my bumper and getting upset that I wasn't driving the way she wanted me to. I could see her upset in the rear-view mirror. 

Without logic or reason I could see her speed up, trying to force me to drive faster. This made me mad because in short order I was going to have to slow down even more to make a right hand turn. 

I pointed in the mirror to her and gestured that she should go around me; seeing as how that lane was absolutely clear! Huffing and puffing she did so and went speeding away.

The next day while attempting to turn right, I yielded to pedestrians as was appropriate to the situation, when behind me some impatient soul illegally zipped around me creating their own two-lane right turn area and he nearly hit the wheelchair pedestrian and a child. I honked for all it was worth to stop the situation. All made it safely out of that situation and the other car found a way to speed off without incident. How? I do not know.

It has been like this all summer. Horrible driving, terrible impatience and people just not being aware. I feel like I am surrounded by people that are physically able to see but mentally blind to the actual surroundings.

My life, my sons, the guy in the wheelchair and the little kids life are not worth your text, your impatience, or you illogical need to dominate the road. 

Slow down. Pay attention. Don't create your own rules on the road. 

Please, do not be a seeing blind person.