Living in Faith and Courage

Someone asked me recently, "what made it possible to change from living in fear to living in faith and courage?" This is an extremely good question.

When I was living in fear, I was allowing myself to be ruled by self doubt, which was fueled by false perceptions. These false perceptions were not limited to just myself, but the world, as well as my role within it. I had truly believed that I was insignificant and easily discarded. Please note the past tense tone of that last statement.

Because I felt that I was insignificant and easily discarded, I feared that my entire existence didn't matter. I believed that I was one hundred percent replaceable in every way. Fear was a natural result. This childhood fear definitely lingered well into my adult years.

I would come in and out of this phase and thinking periodically, but it was never a lasting feeling. With such strong limiting beliefs, how on earth could I matter in the grand scheme of things? In what possible way could I bring any value to the world at all?

Then there was a series of events that completely upended this fear-based line of thinking. 

SITUATION: I had a talk with God one day and I asked, if I was so replaceable and insignificant, then why am I here? I believed God to be a kind and a loving God, but if I was here on earth without a purpose or any meaning, then that was just simply cruel.

RESULT: God found a way to let me know that I was of value, but more importantly I believed it. Here's how He did it.

The way in which I learned that I was of value and significance was during the time I was watching my father-in-law slowly die. God spoke to me in my heart during this time. I am not sure that I can describe it, but it was powerful and undeniable. Here were some of the thoughts I was having.

My father-in-law was prone to melancholy and depressive thoughts, yet he had impacted so many lives for good - more than he had impacted them in negative ways. I then thought about others that had "impact" and "value" in the world both on a grand scale as well as in my own personal life. 

Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln, and Oprah Winfrey are truly great people - but with some pretty big issues and faults. But they persevered and continued forward to the best of their ability. They persistently and consistently worked hard to live good lives. Their best efforts changed lives for the better.

On a personal note and as further proof, there's Mrs. Wasden who was my fourth grade teacher. Because of her example I learned to love reading and writing. She is a good woman, with a beautiful light to share with the world. 

All Mrs. Wasden cared about was God, her family, her students... ginger snaps and root beer flavored hardtack candy. Yet, when in her presence, you were made to feel as though you were the top priority - even in a crowded room.

As I reflected on these experiences, they became a serious ongoing boost to my faith. If my imperfect melancholy father-in-law, Martin Luther King, Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Oprah Winfrey, and Mrs. Wasden can impact even one person to change their life for the better, well then...that was a life well spent.

When you have faith-uplifting experiences like this, it creates an energy and courage within. When this happens, the world seems to change right in front of your eyes.


SITUATION: Because of the increase in faith and courage, I felt more daring to try things, to be more involved, and more than that - to believe that my contribution to a variety of events in life actually mattered. 

RESULT: All the sudden I felt a surge of energy, an almost "unleashing" and urgency to live life fully. Why? Because someone out there needed me. Someone out there could have their life changed for the better, just because I had the words and maybe even the actions at the right time to be the linchpin to their unleashing. 

Wham! Bam! All of the sudden I can see that I am in no way insignificant. Of course I matter! Of course I have value! Now that I understand this, how could I have fear? How could I not have courage? 

It was at this time that I first heard Gandhi's quote, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." He said it so simply. It was as if it could happen, just like that. Just all the sudden, "be the change."

I've since discovered that it is possible to all of the sudden just "be the change." Your habitual doubts and historical behavior are an ongoing obstacle, but it is possible to change them as you create new habits. It requires practice, but it is possible.

To value or not to value? Why is this even a question?

In his 2008 TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) presentation on "Why we make bad decisions," Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert said something that really resonated with me. He said, "Comparison only changes the value of what's in front of us." He then of course continued explaining the science behind making choices.

In the scientific information presented, the data was from how comparison changes the value of monetary things like entertainment, equipment, cars, and the like. Eventually he broadened the application of it.

The entire time though, that line repeated in my head and I was applying the impact to my personal life.

"Comparison only changes the value 
of what's in front of us."

Every time I think about it, I'm left emotionally stunned.

The concept is applicable to everything, but the image that seems to stick in my mind, with regards to this quote, is me watching and admiring beautiful people while simultaneously conjuring an image of me in my mind's eye. Once I have the image, the comparison begins.

So in this example of comparison, it is my own personal value that decreases. I say decreases because very rarely is it anything different.

In reality though, the value of any person isn't any more or less than another. You are more than a body, a profession, or where you live. We are all of great value to someone. Why not love ourselves for who we are, just as we are. Why not love ourselves? After all, someone else does.

Poetry Corner: Great Expectations

While waiting in a car in the Utah State University campus parking lot, I wrote the poem shown below. My friend had just run into a building to pick up something and she didn't want to pay for parking, so I waited in the car in case I had to circle the building.

Originally, I dedicated this poem to my friend. I really admired her. She was a dear friend, and someone who crossed my path at the right time for sure. By the time I completed the poem, right as she was walking back to the car, I realized something that startled me.

In that moment, I hoped that some of the amazing attributes that I loved in my friend would one day rub off on me by association. 

I realized in that very moment that I could actually conceive of the possibility that one day, in the not too distant future, I might like me too. 

This was the first time I honestly entertained the idea that I might actually have the potential to become this kind of woman. This was a very powerful thought, so powerful that it was the catalyst for real change in me.

I originally entitled the poem, "Silent Adoration." Over time, however, I felt it was appropriate to rename the work to match my new feelings.

Great Expectations 

I stood alone

staring into my shadow

hoping to see the image

of a friend I know

The epitome of womanhood,

beauty

kindness

hope

friendship...

I stood still

hoping my shadow would become 

light -

hoping my shadow

wasn’t really “just me”

I stood alone

I stood still

I stood in prayer

waiting

to see the image of a friend

in me

By Diana M. Bateman

1996 ©

When Fear is Courage

What's holding you back from doing that thing you've always dreamed about? What is the reason or the excuse for staying in your predictable comfort zone? Why do you just shut up and listen in circumstances when you completely disagree?

                F        E        A        R 

Submitting to fear is the universal brake that interrupts our greatest potential. But fear used correctly becomes courage, which propels us into success. 

The trick is how to cut the reigns of fear so that withdrawal fades and success becomes the final result.

Courage is a topic that I don't think I could ever get sick of researching. When I feel sad, overwhelmed and depleted, I turn to the topic of courage. In doing so, I'm not in any one particular sad place for too long.

I used to let fear completely determine almost everything. I felt shut in and isolated. I felt like I was becoming a social-emotional hermit. I was watching myself become withdrawn. I hated this. So I decided to stop.

                C        O        U        R        A        G        E 

It really was just that simple; I decided. Now, I'm not superhuman, I most assuredly feel fear - I just choose to act anyway. This decision was fueled by two amazing quotes. 

I embrace fear and let courage emerge with the support of Piers Anthony and Oliver Wendell Homes, who said:

"Being terrified but going ahead and doing what must be done—that's courage. The one who feels no fear is a fool, 

and the one who lets fear rule him is a coward." 

~ Piers Anthony

"Courage is about doing what you're afraid to do. 

There can be no courage unless you're scared. 

Have the courage to act instead of react." 

~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

In order to continually suffocate fear with courage I personally feel you need to focus on five things. 

Rather than tell you how to do these five things, I think I'll simply state the five points and share a quote on the topic. Let your own mind define and create the direction of these categories as they apply to you.

1. Trust your heart

“It takes courage ... to endure the sharp pains of self discovery rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness that would last the rest of our lives.” 
~ Marianne Williamson, "Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of 'A Course in Miracles'"

2. Perseverance

"A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

3. Honesty

"Sometimes standing against evil is more important than defeating it. The greatest heroes stand because it is right to do so, not because they believe they will walk away with their lives. Such selfless courage is a victory in itself." 
~ N.D. Wilson, Dandelion Fire

4. Frequently stand outside your comfort zone.

"Getting outside your comfort zone, letting go of the familiar

life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
~ Anais Nin

5. Face suffering with dignity or faith

"The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances."
~ Aristotle

"A man of courage is also full of faith."
~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Sharing Time

What about you?

Without fail the following makes me laugh:

children's laughter

fart sounds
Lily Tomlin
unexpected belching
tickling others
a good scare

Without fail the following makes me cry:
The movie A Trip To Bountiful
seeing someone I love in pain
watching someone succeed in something tremendous
singing the Start Spangled Banner

Without fail the following makes me angry:
giving up when you don't have to
willful ignorance

seeing someone take advantage of another 

inflatable lawn decor

nylons

Without fail the following makes me excited:

a challenge

a plan

perfect temperatures

good music

opportunity

achieving a goal

impactful conversations

Last 3min

I've no idea why I've been so reflective lately. Maybe it's because I feel so thankful in many areas of my life that it's almost overwhelming.

I was listening to a random talk while driving in my car, I don't recall who the speaker was. The take home message I got was this:

If I only had three minutes left to live, 

what would my parting words be?

I was relieved to have the answer instantly come to me, there was no real deliberation. In fact, I was so relieved I had no doubts in my response that I want to say those things now. Why wait?

Minute 1: God lives. Jesus Christ is the way. No relationship or devoted effort is more important than this one.

Minute 2: I love my husband and I am so thankful for the courage his presence brings to my life, his caring heart and companionship are priceless. I'm thrilled beyond to have my son; he is an absolute treasure. Dad and Mom, thank you for the amazing examples of true love and charity that you have been - always.

Minute 3: Everyone else, dig deep and LIVE this life with all that you have. Give, love, serve, do the hard things, be honest, and inspire goodness.

From Birth to Death

Watching my little eight-month old son grow, develop, and learn has been an amazing process to watch. There are so many parallels that can be drawn from this time of life.

From birth to death we continually struggle to grow, develop, and learn. 

Although there may be frustration in learning: how to turn from our back to our stomach, incorporating hand-eye coordination, potty training, reading, writing, math... it all fits together. Each thing we learn builds on itself, to improve our turn on earth.

Each experience builds on the next. Each repeated and applied movement or thought develops a skill. If a baby didn't strive to do new things, it simply wouldn't thrive.

How are we, as adults, any different?

It would be nice if things were easier all the time, but where would be the growth? Where would be the knowledge? If we weren't challenged, things would stay the same all the time. Then there's boredom, stasis - a true lacking.

There are times that I can't help but feel that I am being watched, just like I'm watching my son. Sometimes the watcher is a mentor, parental figure, family that have passed on and that are watching from the other side, and God.

All of these figures at some point watch, sometimes with baited breath and excitement, wondering... "Is this the moment we see her do it?"

It may have taken days, months, years or a lifetime. To see all of the critical developmental stages; the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, etc.

We are excited to see certain growth unfold and then there are times we cringe at less desirable, less effective application of skill or dormancy of it as well. But this is also part of the process, isn't it?

The concept still stands though. We must strive to face challenges, and overcome them in order to thrive (to triumph, succeed, learn, grow).

I'm convinced that as long as we continually strive from birth to death to grow, develop, and learn to the best of our ability, we are destined to live a good life - no matter the environment or the circumstance.

I don't want to "go gentle into that good night"* with people watching in ambivalence, relief, or lack of emotion. No, that is definitely a moment that I hope I am surround by people with baited breath and excitement, wondering... "Is this the moment we see her do it?" 

                                              

*Dylan Thomas