Poetry Corner: An Imaginary Villain

We've all been here at one time or another... or now. 

An Imaginary Villain

Subconsciously

I interrogate myself,

by manipulating the eyes of others

to tell my deepest fears

admit my worst wrongs

to judge

by reading too much 

into an onlooker's gaze.

I create

I mistake

I adjudicate

my own follies

and displace my own disgust, 

standing victimized

allowing guilt to be provoked

by an outsider's glance.

My head drops,

succumbing to the weight

of worthlessness - 

chained, locked away 
again;

because that's where I tell myself

I belong.

By Diana M. Bateman

2006 ©

Why do we work so hard to put ourselves in this bad place? We are all worth more than this... The truth is that we are all uniquely amazing, whether you believe it or not. 

Top 10

This summer I moved my blog to a blogspot.com address and I also used the move as an opportunity to broaden the focus of my blog efforts. 

However, I didn't want the changes to take away from the overall message, which is to: encourage others to find strength, hope and tenacity to face life's challenges head-on, as well as to thrive in spite of those challenges. 

So below I have provided a Reader's Top Five list of the most read entries by you, as well as a Top Five list of my personal favorite posts of all time (that aren't already in the Reader's Top Five). 

Reader's Top Five
1. Get In My Belly! (part II) 09/17/11 
2. Abiding Love  10/01/11 
3. The Military & Multiple Sclerosis 09/08/07
4. A Thanksgiving Tribute: To Don With Love 11/26/09 
5.  Get In My Belly! (part I) 09/16/11 

My Top 5 Favorite Posts
1. My Road Back 10/27/10
2. And So It Goes  06/16/10
3. The Folds of Me 02/26/11
4. We Are Never Alone 09/05/10
5. I Want To Laugh  01/21/08

The Power of Experience

Just a fun picture taken of me at the 2011 Boston MS Patient Advocate Conference.

There will come a time when you will be struck to the core and humbled, be it by something personally or vicariously catastrophic. You may very well be struck more than once. 

When that happens though, the question is, will you learn from it and make lasting changes or will you be persistent in believing that there's nothing that requires change?

I personally believe that when these events occur in our lives we have the power to work the catastrophe and manipulate the final effect.

We decide what direction we go in by how we respond to it and then let that choice define our next steps. It is absolutely easier said than done, but it is possible - I have done it, I am doing it and I am not perfect.

In the fall of 1997, singer-songwriter Paula Cole released a song called "I Don't Want To Wait". This song hit me the second I heard it and it just spoke to me in a very big way - even still, but for different reasons now. 

It's the chorus mostly... in all reality, you could insert any story, sing it with the chorus and have it work. Who doesn't, or hasn't wanted to know the end from the beginning? Especially when you're so uncertain about the future.

The chorus reads:

"I don't want to wait 

for our lives to be over,

I want to know right now, 

what would it be.

I don't want to wait 

for our lives to be over,

will it be yes or... sorry?"

What is your story? What has tried to break you... and instead, made you? It doesn't have to be grand. It only had to impact you, change you in some way; that change alone is grand enough.

I am writing this and reflecting upon several things that have happened over the last few days while visiting family, making new friends, and attending a Multiple Sclerosis patient advocate conference in Boston. 

During my visit I've had some tremendous conversations on just about any topic you can think of. And I've seen time and time again that our character has the strength to take a tough thing and make us better. 

It can make you into something powerful beyond measure; a knowledgeable force to be reckoned with. 

If you get nothing else out of this blog entry, I hope you just know that I feel more peaceful about all that has happened and is currently happening in my life. I feel more peaceful about the direction I am headed. 

I strive to choose my response(s) to life and its varied curve-balls wisely. I still feel urgency and want to know what the end will look like already, in every direction of my life. 

However, if the knowledge I have by the time I get there is remotely sweet like the peace it gives me now... well, it will have been worth the wait, struggle, crying, swearing, and more hard decisions. 

Poetry Corner: I Win

Have you won a battle with your demons? Have you lost? Have you won, then lost, then won again? Is it a continual battle that feels like there's no end in sight? 

Regardless of the myriad of ways this can apply, I'm here to say that it's worth the fight. You are worth the effort. Revel in the wins to help you get there again. 

Face the demons head on and fight with an animal rage against them. You know these demons well and they're not supernatural, they are malevolent and very real. 

You would risk your life to save a child about to be hit by a car... why not also be willing to do so for yourself? Correct your path continually. Find your inner hero and let it kick the $#%&^ out of your demons. 

I Win

pinched lips strangle 
hardened breath into

recycled fumes,

forcing it back into my aching flesh –

fueling me…

I am born again by anger,

satiated by hate,

rejuvenated by pain;

self-pity somehow morphed into

greed

motivating an intensity that actually feels

pure

justified… holy

thank you for the sorrow

that has emboldened me –

this

is what encourages the strength

that pulls against my chains

shattering

anything

that dares to hold me back.

By Diana M. Bateman

2008 ©

4 x 365 = Infinity

You should  know that I am not very good at math, but I am absolutely confident that 4 x 365 = Infinity. Here's how I figured it out.

For 365 days I tried my hardest to give each day all that I had in me. I experienced a multitude of emotions, highs and lows, but I went to bed most every night knowing that that day, I had given my all. 

I decided that I was done with excuses and I embraced the concept of the English proverb of "where there is a will, there is a way." I'm talking about from the will to get out of bed to the will to stand my ground in tough situations to the will to simply go for a walk. 

I packed my days with as much earnest effort as possible. On day 365 I realized that I like life this way, much better than my previous 12,045 days of life. 

So, I recommitted to another year of giving it all I've got. Here I am, near the close of 4 years of relentless effort to strive to give each day my best effort and I've found that I have gained an infinite amount of blessings and joy living my life this way. 

I have gained more from this effort than I could ever describe. I only wonder what would have been, if I had caught the vision sooner in life. 

I've no regrets, but I know that if I don't continue the relentlessness, then I will regret inaction. I like that "I can" plays a more noticeable role in my life than "I can't". 

What I'm really getting at here is that we all live far below our potential, simply because we fail to do the little things each day that are the building blocks to achieve big things. 

These big things are defined completely by you, they are not to be compared. Rather, these big things are custom made. The big things don't happen everyday though. 

As a matter of fact, my days are filled with little things, but once they build momentum they grow exponentially into something much larger and then, all of the sudden, I find another goal achieved. 

So here I am, coming to yet another Thanksgiving and I can't help but ponder this new equation and how much I am looking forward to continued growth. It's all about doing a little at a time with earnest effort.

I am so incredibly thankful for the mental strength and heart that my Heavenly Father has given me. 

So Thanksgiving Day starts another 365 days of success. I would love nothing more than for you to believe and join with me in your own custom made journey. 

Life Without Limits

Nick Vujicic and Kyle Maynard have simply solidified the power of what vision, relentlessness, and belief can do. The power to do small and great things alike are within us. 

The power to do small and great things are innate - God put them there. We just have to decide our direction and then believe that we can. 

One achieving in this way is an anomaly, two are a testament. Simply put, we can do anything. The potential for living and inspiring success is limitless. Click on the links below to be amazed.

Nick Vujicic 

Here's an awesome video on Nick 

Kyle Maynard 

Here's an awesome video on Kyle

Recommitting

The last several blog posts have affected me in a very unexpected way.  In trying to share with you how I feel about food and addressing addictive behaviors, I’ve discovered that I still have a long way to go.  

Cravings I haven’t had in a very long time have resurfaced and I’ve had to battle them – again.  This is a continual battle and one that no one is immune to. 

In other words, this is not something you can achieve and then walk away from. These are lifelong commitments for general physical, mental and spiritual health.

Because of this, I would like to recommit and review things that I learned that have been very valuable to me in my self-discovery and weight loss journey.  

These are core things that I know I need to reengage and continually strive to live by; because I’m simply happier when I do.  

So in making this list, I’m publicly holding myself accountable, as well as maybe helping someone out in the great expanse of the world to gain perspective along with me. 

Diana, You Are Motivated By:

• Good quotes and uplifting stories; keep discovering them.
• Seeing others make plans, engage and succeed in life.
• The knowledge that I am a daughter of God and that all things are possible because of it.
• Good music.

Diana, You Are Healthier When You:

• Drink water only.
• You track your food and employ mindful eating tactics.
• Stick to a daily exercise regimen and keep it challenging.
• Continually make and review goals.
• Stretch multiple times daily.
• Do strength training first, then do cardio so that you are truly burning fat rather than any amount of muscle during your cardio. Muscle assists in burning fat!
• Understand that there are many ways to accomplish things, always believe there is an alternative, especially when the normal path is an obstacle due to disease.

Diana, You Are Happier When You:

• Actively think positive. 
• Frequently review and update your goal list.
• Recognize how richly you are blessed (not talking about money here).
• Pray and give thanks.
• Read scriptures.
• Meditate.
• Honestly engage with yourself and others.
• Speak kindly to and about all people; including yourself.