A New Chapter

Behold, the little one! Sir Jacob

Today is my last day at work. I've been with this company for ten years and really have grown and developed a lot. I gained a lot of knowledge and built many wonderful relationships that will continue for years to come. 

I'm leaving knowing that I've done good work; and in some cases, because of the work I've done, I am leaving a legacy. But it's time to leave and give my son the best attention and support that I can. 

I am incredibly thankful for a husband who can support this and even encourage it. I make no judgment on anyone else for not being a stay-at-home parent. In fact, I really empathize with single parents where the option just really isn't there.

It's honestly a bit nerve-wracking to make such a big change, but at the same time, I absolutely know that this is the right thing to do for our circumstance and family. 

It is so much the right thing, that it really took no labor at all for either my husband or me to make this decision. Besides, I still have some growing up to do and I'm certain that Jacob will help me get there.

The goal now is to help this little guy develop well. To find his talents and facilitate them. I miss coloring. I'm certain coloring will be involved. If he colors on the wall... I actually just might join him; isn't this what paint was created for?

              

Where's Your Focus?

Have you ever felt like you've made something happen just by focusing on it? Be it negative or positive, you have been dwelling on a particular thought and as it unfolds the resulting sentiments were something like:

"I knew it!"

"I could just feel it coming."

"I just knew this would happen."

"I had this nagging sense that..."

"I knew I could do it."

The mind truly has power. Where is your focus? 

Think of shows like: 24, MacGyver, Alias, A-Team, Batman and the like. It's always forces of good, fighting against forces of evil. Good generally wins by narrow margins. 

It's a tough fight. But why do the good guys generally come out on top? The bad guys have pretty specific focus, goals and aims. They are determined bad guys. 

However, when their life is on the line they will throw their arms up, beg, or squeal on another bad guy in order to cut a deal. To what end? To save their hides!

When the life of the good guy is on the line however, they are willing to sacrifice their life at all costs. What's the last scene prior to the almost martyrdom of the good guy? 

They make eye contact with the person they are dying for or look at the bomb they need to stop. Their focus is on the greater good and not focused inward toward the self. And somehow at the last second, good still prevails.

Historically humankind watches shows (or plays) like this that have the same outcomes, tell the same core story with a different setup, but why? 

I personally think that this is because somewhere deep down we cheer the person on for not losing sight of the goal; for not losing focus. We feel good inside, because a character accomplished what we feel we fail at in our own lives so often. 

This isn't the case though. We are surrounded by many a Jack Bauer and Sydney Bristow. The reason the archetypal hero can be rewritten in so many different ways and not lose appeal is because of what they focus on. 

The characters' focus plays on the desires of the human heart, which are to overcome every and any obstacle that prevents us from achieving what we inherently feel is right, but that we struggle in doing. 

The hero makes a large scale impact and therefore their large scale sacrifice is willingly embraced. In no way does it make the sacrifice easy, though. It's tough and someone cries. 

Just because your sacrifice might not narrowly avert nuclear war doesn't mean the impact is any less. Your focus on the desired outcome still tremendously impacts the lives of others. 

I could delve into many examples at this point on how this is true, but by now you are telling yourself your own story. The pang of guilt you might be feeling right now needs to have its focus redirected. 

Tremendous good comes from the tough things we have to do day in and day out. This is where the term "every day hero" comes from. The impact is huge to family, friends and neighbors. Get up, walk away and go make that thing happen. Focus. Do. Recommit.

Poetry Corner: Pristine Pools

Today I have been thinking a lot about Yellowstone National Park. Why? Hmm, I could say that it's because I would like to get away to a natural retreat and enjoy the splendor of the earth. But in all reality my inner emotions have been all over the place. The erratic internal volatility of the need to take my son and husband and just get away is on the overwhelming side of things. It sure would be nice to say: Dear Reality, would you please go sit in the corner over there while I take my dreams and go this way?

While I have been thinking this way today, I remembered a poem I wrote the last time I was at Yellowstone (see below). It was such a beautiful place, but its beauty was created out of seriously volatile events over a very long period of time. It's amazing to me that water by appearance is so beautiful, yet has become incredibly deadly to the touch. Now I'm not saying that through tough times in my life I have been made so beautiful that if you come near me I might melt your skin off, like out of some Indiana Jones movie. What I am saying is that: 1) Tough times can make beautiful things happen. 2) Patience has the capacity to create tremendous power. 3) If I remain aware, I will be less likely to lose sight of what is really important. 

I have the choice of how I will react. I have the choice of finding a way to thrive in the now, always. Tough things happen. Hard decisions have to be made. And the beauty in this is that, I have a choice. Decisions, decisions, decisions!

Pristine Pools

treading the planks

of this forsaken land

I ponder the life and

death of all I see…

a boiling brew of earth

begins to drum erratically

occasionally gurgling its refrain,

as a foul misty stench

coats my skin with an unusual warmth,

and my lungs begin to burn

elements combine,

molding everything together …

dying beautifully

deep within this fissure

I feel the foul heat begin to call –

an inexplicable urge to touch

the prismatic lake

ricochets

within me…

staring at the mouth wide open

I am temporarily paralyzed –

I feel my beauty fade

the longer I gaze, yet

I am captivated

by the subtle harshness

hidden between the vapor,

I remain –

looking into the clearest chasm

below the calm basin

images of terror dance off-beat

as the earth ruptures inward

while pain echoes,

migrating deeper

agitating the fragile balance

not yet ready to burst

not yet ready to take me…

I am suddenly released

with a promise

and a threat

By Diana M. Bateman

2005 ©

Throwing Fat Away

Just sharing a few tidbits on calories that I share with clients...

Let’s say I’m a thirty year old, five foot six woman who weighs two hundred fifty pounds. I have committed to exercising three times a week. The calculator at this website says that in order to maintain this weight I must continue eating two thousand, five hundred seventy-six calories per day. 

But if I want to lose weight, I need to eat between two thousand and two thousand sixty calories per day. Those instructions would also apply in reverse order if you are actually trying to gain weight.

Let’s say that I have a goal to lose ninety pounds and not maintain my two hundred fifty pounds. In order to do this, I want to keep me in the present and aware. So for every ten to fifteen pounds I lose in this journey, it would be very wise of me to return to this website and reassess my caloric needs. 

If you do this, then by the time you reach your goal weight, you don’t have to change your daily caloric intake too much because you have been wise and slowly changing it during the entire process. 

In doing so, once I reach the goal of one hundred sixty pounds, I then know that I need to consume two thousand thirteen calories daily to maintain the new weight, but only if I continue to commit to workout three times a week.

Now what if I decide to stop working out when I reach one hunbdred sixty pounds. According to the calculator, I would then need to consume one thousand, seven hundred, fifty-seven calories daily, if no longer working out. 

The drawback is: you may be one hundred sixty pounds, but in short order you will be a soft and potentially flabby one hundred sixty.

I personally highly recommend maintaining some sort of fitness efforts for life. The benefits mentally, physically, emotionally, even spiritually are so worth it.

I hope this was helpful and simple to follow.

Unplugged, Uncensored, Unrestricted... You!

It can be dangerous to be left alone with your thoughts. This is why it's important to gain mastery of them - so that your thoughts can be positively reflected in your actions, words, and more.

Why are we always watching, reading, listening, Googling? Why are you even here, reading this? What are you looking for? Why are we so afraid to hear truth from within that we can't seem to sit alone with our own thoughts for a period of time?

It's been entertaining to watch people pick up their cell phones and look at them as if willing them to ring, or just turn to a game when an actual conversation opportunity lays in front of them. I'm guilty of this as well. I just think it's interesting to see the evolution of convenience, even in just my lifetime.

I can honestly say that in some ways I'm an addict. I have actually used my iPhone to avoid conversation and thoughts that come with meditation. I have actually even been at the dinner table with my husband and rather than talking, I have been "plugged in". Once I noticed this quite some time ago, I actually began making a real effort to leave the phone in the other room. I've completely turned it off for a day or so and sometimes I even leave it behind while I am out and about. But for the most part... it's in my purse or back pocket.

I crave solace and some time just to myself. I use this time to: write poetry, think, really evaluate life and relationships, write letters or record in my journal, and to contemplate in general. 

I've found though that nowadays in order to do this, I have to have the phone off or completely be removed from it. I figured out why though. When left to ponder we truly face tough things. 

Internally there may be a battle raging and it may need some real sorting out. By avoiding the contemplation, I get to avoid the issue for just a bit longer. 

I have come to cherish my daily dedicated time to being unplugged, uncensored, unrestricted and just me with my thoughts. This time is used to discipline and redirect myself for the better. 

This time is used to visualize me meeting my goals and to recall why I am putting my energy where I do. It's a challenge and sometimes even a struggle, but it's so worth it!

Crap, it's that time again.

I recently listened to someone interview Darren Hardy, publisher of SUCCESS magazine and author of The Compound Effect. 

In this interview Darren relayed an experience of attending a seminar as a young man wherein the speaker asked, "What's the percentage of effort that you have to give in a relationship (be it work, personal, etcetera) in order to have it be successful?" 

After participants tossed out numbers like 80/20; 50/50; 70/30 the speaker announced they were all wrong. Then he further clarified that the amount of effort any one particular person must give in any relationship for it to be successful, is 100/0. 

This story has really resonated with me. My take home message from this story was that if we hold back any amount of effort at all, then we aren't being fully invested. 

Success is based on one hundred percent effort, investment and persistent dedication. I'd like to add that this includes the relationship with ourselves as well. 

How often do you approach your relationships with others or yourself, in an attempt to improve it or take it to a new level, yet still hold something back? 

In my opinion the biggest hold-ups tend to be (but are not limited to): 

• resistance to change
• poorly perceived personal responsibility
• fear
• laziness
• lack of knowledge
• selfishness
• close mindedness

What in this list has a hold of you?  For me, it is the answer not shown - all of the above. I am, however, in the process of making changes. I like the direction I am headed. I am challenged. 

I've learned that whenever something becomes easy, that's when change needs to happen. Step it up a notch or really mix things up.

Not a fan of your current circumstance? For your information, in order to move past what's bugging you, something actually has to change. You actually have to do something different. 

In case you missed it, YOU have to make some changes; not your parents, spouse, kids, boss, whomever... YOU. Struggling? What has your "effort" ratio been lately? I know I have to adjust mine...again.

Well That Sucks

There isn't much that is picture perfect. I seem to discover this over and over. For the purpose of this blog post, I'll sum it up this way - positive attitude. 

Well it just sucks that you can't control everything that happens! You can't control other peoples responses or the decisions they make anymore than you can pray away another person's free agency or develop superhuman powers.

I can't tell you how many times over the last few years that I have learned to cope by simply saying "sucks to be me" or "sucks to be you" in lieu of a total breakdown or saying "get over it". 

Simply put, oftentimes it is what it is and half of the discomfort we face is the amount of energy we put into fighting something that just is or has already happened. It's done and you can't change it. However, you can change the way you look at it. 

You can change your perspective of what you can do now, regardless of what just happened. Meaning we now have to be determined to accept the situation or event in order to move beyond it. 

• Christopher Reeve broke his neck, lived as a broken-bodied man for several years and later died - sucked to be him! Yet, he still managed to change the lives of many and create a legacy of ability for the disabled. I'd say he successfully moved beyond his circumstance. 
• I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis... sucks to be me! Now what? What abilities do I have to work with and how can I use them to move beyond my current circumstance?
• A friend lost his job. Sucks to be him! Now what? What can he learn from the situation and find a new job?
• A friend broke her wrist in play, which interrupted her desired workout schedule. Sucks to be her! But guess what she discovered? Not all is lost, she can still exercise effectively, just modified for a time.
• My husband and I are suffering from sleep deprivation with our newborn. Sucks to be us! But this won't always be the case. What can we do now, to cope and get through this time?

I could go on with that list, but the point I'm getting at is - it's done and we have options on how to move forward. These things have happened or are happening. There may not always be a pleasant way out, but there is always a way through (loosely quoting Robert Frost here). What will you chose to do in order to get through?

My question to you is, do you embrace the fact that issues have been or are present, in order to move beyond them (in a healthy and positive way), or do you wallow in a state of never ending stasis; never getting over it enough to continue living? It all sucks! But you absolutely have a choice in how you respond to what's happening in your life. 

Gandhi really had it right when he said, "You must be the change you wish to see..." You don't like it? Change the way you think about it and move on in your best, most positive way, regardless of anyone or anything else. 

You will be a much happier person if you learn to surrender or discard that resentment, frustration and anger. Life is good, regardless of any bad that creeps in. One bad doesn't ruin all good. The good, most of the time, does outweigh the bad.

Here's a public challenge to be determined to see the good, so that you can recognize it more often. It can be done.