Poetry Corner: Visitation Rites

Visitation Rites

A July chill holds me as if I were a child in need and I relent,

embracing the moment customized to heal me

Ah, the gentleness moistens my eyes,

giving the sensation,

but not the appearance,

of having had a good cry

captivated by a good kind of somber

stilled by a raw, but Divine intimacy

I pray… hoping the moment will be granted an extension

I need more –   

I can easily surrender right now

A presence in the air around me soothes my aching,

I wonder who has come.

There is a familiarity… who has brought this peace

so desperately needed?

Gently unraveling the bonds of self-expectation,

responsibilities of life,

I feel as if I’m standing naked

out in the open

and I’ve been granted the privilege 
of everyone being unable to see me.

The bustling continues and my peaceful surrender remains 
fully exposed

I’m safe here

In this moment.

Just as quickly as it came,

I become aware that it cannot last – Dammit!

Emotionally digging in my heals, I plead once more for an extension.

With a final breeze and familiar touch in the wind

I am soothed with a bittersweet embrace

~ this moment was a gift ~

a visitation to grant the courage needed

to keep moving forward

the road is mine to travel

this path is familiar to them though –

they know my heart

and the familiarity beckoned their desire 
to love me more tangibly

ah, I know who this is now…

I’m doing just fine, huh?

Well, you would know.

By Diana M. Bateman

2013©

Rest vs Relax?

I was told that for the sake of my health that I needed rest. So I took two weeks and did my best to "rest". 

Rest included: handling a quickly growing boy, reading, sleeping, working out, watching several seasons of Fringe on Netflix, writing, running, hiking in Canyonlands, then I did some more reading, sleeping, handling a 15-month-old busy body, and then working out some more. 

That is about all the rest I could handle... 

What do you do to rest?

I've pondered a lot on this topic and thought that I would toss the question out to readers to answer. What is the difference between resting and relaxation?

Bravery

Turning pages, pausing to comprehend, writing to articulate in my own words, then comparing the figures with the text once more... Trying to absorb the information on how various muscles of the body are innervated. What the plexus does this do!?

It was at this time when a total stranger told me that I am brave. She said it because I was sitting in a restaurant, eating, and I was alone.

I was there to study and eat dinner because I hadn't been able to focus on my studies at home. So while husband and son were at home bonding, I studied at the library and then I relocated to study over dinner. 

Brave? What about this made me brave? Then I recalled a time in my life when there was no way that I would subject myself to being alone in public and eating dinner in a big booth.

Being alone in public, particularly while dining is a scary place to be for many people. When you feel this way about yourself, there is nothing more frightening than to be "publicly alone" - after all, if I believe no one wants to be around me, I must be a scary person and here I am alone with a very scary person. Agh!

But I'm not scary. The woman who commented to me that she could never do that, isn't scary. However, the perception that she is scary is incredibly real to her. 

Have you ever isolated yourself, hid yourself from public view because you were embarrassed of yourself? What if you say something silly? What will people think of you? For some people this is downright crippling.

I actually have many memories of ordering a large amount of take-out with the intention of eating it myself. At the time of pick-up for this food, I would ask for two packets of silverware, just to hide from a stranger that I would be eating the contents all by myself when I got home.

I ate to fill an emotional void inside of me. I ate a lot, in an attempt to not feel so alone.

The bravest thing I have ever done was to look at myself in the mirror and try to learn to love me. After doing that, sitting at a booth alone in a restaurant is not uncomfortable at all.

I am not a scary person. This woman who said I was brave, is not a scary person. We are beautiful people searching for a connection, meaning, and a purpose in life. 

We may not be picture perfect. We might have some social awkwardness and insecurity. 

It took practice to learn to like me. It took patience and tolerance to learn to love me.

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one to have. God loves you as you are, why can't you? Why do we give up so quickly on ourselves? 

If you were incapacitated, it would just be you and your body - alone. Would you be kind to yourself in that state of mind and body? It is at times like this that I think of people like my Grandmother.

Grandma had a series of strokes. A beautiful, kind and caring woman. Left without words. Unable to care for herself. What did she think of? I sincerely hope she thought kind things about herself.

There were times I could see a flash of humor and a smirk come across her face. I love the idea that in that state she still found a way to laugh. Now that is bravery.

All of this reminds me of a Dustin Hoffman clip wherein speaking of his character Tootsie, Hoffman addressed how external beauty, as dictated by society, can affect our interest in getting to know a person.

Stepping away from what society says and accepting others regardless of their appearance and apparent awkwardness, especially in public is brave. Have you ever been the one accepted or rejected while in an awkward phase? Have you been the one to accept another?

Be brave - always.

Free

For so long my lungs and my heart have felt burdened by life, doubt, negativity, and then I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. The pressure increased and it became harder to simply breathe.

In contrast, there is a brief moment when my lungs feel so incredibly light. 

In this particular moment most everything seems effortless - marriage, homework, finances, doubt... responsibilities of every kind. Even my body works better for a time.

If you had something that therapeutic and pleasurable, wouldn't you seek it out? Wouldn't you find a way to repeat it? This is why I lace up my shoes and willingly skip sleep to seek out perfect temperatures. 

What am I running toward? 

Peace. 

What do I run from? 

The burdens of life and doubt. 

For some reason, when my body is strong, my mind, spirit, and emotions are too.

Running, lifting weights, and seeking to eat healthier are all tough things that require discipline, but at the same time they give me stamina and courage in more areas of my life than just the physical. 

The end result is freedom on many levels. Freedom becomes a beautiful blessing from the discipline these efforts provide.

I am not the fastest runner. I don't need to be. I only need to do my best.

I do not have the leanest body. It doesn't need to be. I only need to do my best.

I am not perfect. I don't need to be. I only need to do my best.

It is when I stop doing my best that my breathing gets heavier, both literally and figuratively.

What makes you feel free?

What do you want?

I've been reviewing my list of topics that I would like to blog about and I have been writing quit a bit, while doing this though I have been curious what you as a reader are interested in reading from me. 

Questions? 

Themes? 

Curiosities?

Thoughts?

Perspectives?

In Heat

It was totally fun to name this entry "In Heat", I am absolutely chuckling over it. Hehehehehe, sigh, where's my maturity? Okay, moving on now. 

I've already established in several blog entries that high temperatures are not my friend - thank you multiple sclerosis! However, I am determined to try to change my perspective of heat. Especially at this moment while I am feeling a bit trapped indoors this summer. So, when is heat good for people like me? 

1. I don't know about you, but internal heat from exercise is tolerable for me. I'm a bit addicted to it. 
2. Sometimes, I turn the air conditioning up really high so that I get very cold, just so that when I go outside during the summer I am happy to be in the heat while I move from car to building or inside my home to water the garden.
3. I very much like my husband. Yeah for "intimate heat"! It's true! I'm just sayin'...
4. I love running in cold or cooler temperatures (25-55), because the heat generated from running balances out the cold to make me feel perfectly content.
5. Heat as applied to certain food keeps my stomach happy.
6. Hot chocolate, herbal tea, cider! Yum!

Okay, now I feel a bit better and I have enjoyed a good laugh. How about you? What do you like about the heat? Please keep it clean use #3 as a cleanliness guide. Even if you don't have a condition where hot temperatures is a problem. Share!

A note on personal training

I have just got to say this. If you are considering hiring a personal fitness trainer, please ask them these questions before you pay for a training package:

1. Is your certification current?
2. What is your speciality focus?
3. What excites you about being a personal trainer?
4. What sort of things are you doing to continue your education about the human body?
5. Have you ever taken a nutrition, kinesiology and/or physiology course, beyond the independent study you've done to get your personal training certificate?
6. What plan do you have in mind to help me reach my fitness goals? 
7. What is the rationale behind the movements and program design that you will have me do?

Go in prepared to track what you do so that you walk away with real knowledge in order to assist with you maintaining the weight lost and muscle tone gained. 

If you are trying to bulk up, then inquire what you need to do in order to maintain the muscle increase, so that you keep what you've worked so hard to achieve.