Best of 2012

Thanks for reading! Here's wishing us all a fantastic 2013!

Blogger statistics say that the following are consistently the top 3 posts - regardless of year:

Abiding Love 

Reflections, Observations, Looking Forward 

Poetry Corner: Imaginary Villain

Blogger statistics say that the following are the top 10 posts of 2012:

It's A Boy! 

The Results: Ragnar 2012 

SKIN! 

Unguard! Un-guard… On Guard? 

How to Pee Your Pants and Still Be Sexy 

Personal Manifesto 

I Said the C-Word 

Well That Sucks 

Father Dearest 

Poetry Corner: Whoopee Cushion Memories 
(I love that this made the list. Makes me feel like I'm not alone in my potty humor and deviousness.)

Caledonia

I'm sitting in my kitchen listening to excellent music. My mind can't help but keep returning to various memories of good times, wonderful places, awesome and very timely friendships. 

At this point in time, I am reminded of a particular song by the Celtic Woman called Caledonia. The lyrics, pleasant performance and such all remind me of these various fond memories; besides that, Lisa Kelly is simply beautiful.  

The concept of "Caledonia" is universal, really. It's not just limited to a particular place in Scotland, but many physical environments, places in time, camaraderie of yesteryear; a specific refuge. 

Caledonia is any time, any place, any person that you repeatedly draw upon in memory - that still impacts your decisions for good.  There may even be a sense of longing or yearning for this time, be it long since past or that you can return to infrequently. 

In some cases, you know you can't return to your "Caledonia", but the longing sure manages to give you strength, perseverance, hope, purpose, and energy. 

Your Caledonia inspires you, still. It may even inspire with a yearning in the background, even as you still manage to push along. 

Here I sit, reflecting. Some bittersweet feelings, some joy, but above all a recognition that I am okay. All is well. Life is good. I am doing my best. 

Sometimes my best is good enough, and sometimes it... takes me to unexpected places in less pleasant circumstances. Then again, sometimes the circumstances are very pleasant, but short lived.

However, as long as I am doing and giving my best, regardless of pleasantries, I always seem to end up just where I should be, as well as with the people I need to be with. 

I am human. I make mistakes. I am far from perfect. Sometimes I make really big mistakes. I suspect I'm not the only one that can say this. I also do good things. 


Regardless, at this time, I am still very thankful for where I've come from, where I am going, and the variety of people that have influenced me. All of which have made me who I am today.

So I hold on to my Caledonia and continue to dream. 

"Caledonia"

I don't know if you can see
The changes that have come over me
In these last few days I've been afraid
That I might drift away
I've been telling old stories, singing songs
That make me think about where I've come from
That's the reason why I seem
So far away today

[Chorus:]
Let me tell you that I love you
That I think about you all the time
Caledonia, you're calling me, now I'm going home
But if I should become a stranger
Know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had

Now I have moved and I've kept on moving
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way
I have kissed the fellas and left them crying
Stolen dreams, yes, there's no denying
I have traveled hard, sometimes with conscience flying
Somewhere with the wind

[Chorus]

Now I'm sitting here before the fire
The empty room, the forest choir
The flames have cooled, don't get any higher
They've withered, now they've gone
But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear
And I know what I will do tomorrow
When hands have shaken, the kisses float
Then I will disappear

[Chorus]

Caledonia's been everything I've ever had
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had
Caledonia's been everything I've ever had

Now & Later

If "it" is important to me and I don't invest anything to take care of "it", then who will? This falls back on my own personal twist of Hillel the Elder's quote, which is now a motto of mine:

If not now, when? If not you, who?

With this in mind, let's reflect on the power of now versus the power of later.

The Power of Now 

In short, here are the main points of the concept of the power of now.

• If someone is waiting on you, do it now.  
• If no one is waiting on you and there's no hurry, do it now, so it's out of the way and you can go on to something else without "it" looming over you.
• If you notice that something needs to be done and you have the power and/or knowledge to do it, do it now.
• If you wonder why no one is taking care of it, do it now. Don't wait for someone else to take care of it - you are someone else.
• If you say to yourself, I should do that, then do it now.
• If you say to yourself that he/she should do it, then YOU do it now.

The entire point of the power of now is that you are empowered, in that very moment. You are empowered to complete the thing you think should be done. 

Why maintain expectations if not previously outlined to another party? Why wait on someone else, especially if you are perfectly capable. "He should." "She should." Whatever, it all points down to YOU should.

The Power of Later

This is where you are truly dependent upon someone else or you need to employ the power of patience by delaying for a greater good.

The aim here is that if a delayed or patient action is added to a well thought-out response, wouldn't that be incredibly impactful? Then, use it! 

Some situations are best resolved in the silent discomfort of waiting. How do you know when to use the Power of Now versus Later? The answer is really incredibly simple. 

Which one has been working for you? Keep doing it. Which one hasn't? Stop using it until it becomes effective again.

I like Dr. Phil McGraw's concept of "never waste a good opportunity to shut up." I also like Darren Hardy's philosophy of "The Compound Effect". In either case, it's hard work. 

If it is no longer hard work, then you aren't being challenged enough and somewhere you are slowly slouching backwards. Stay there long enough, and you will become very surprised how you got into a very uncomfortable position.

Where do you see yourself in five to ten years? Make goals and plans and then start working on them. If not now, when? If not you, who? It's time. It might even be time to approach that goal differently than you have ever approached something before.

How To Pee Your Pants and Still Be Sexy

Hello. I am thirty-something and in the last week I have peed my pants (and more) on more than one occasion. I stopped counting at three. It's literally been a non-stop issue for most of the week. There was one day  when it happened several times.

Why am I telling you this? Because I think there are more than a few people out there who might get something out of this post. Managing chronic disease is a humbling experience, and touches most every aspect of one's life.

When I say humbling, I mean downright frustrating, challenging, irritating, embarrassing, and all sorts of other "-ings" that shall not be uttered here. In all reality, my cognitive functions just aren't able to pull together what those other "-ings" are right now.

Despite all the "ings" the show must go on! I still have things to do, and a life to lead. I still have responsibilities, including the mountain of laundry that has been mysteriously growing without regard to my efforts in the matter.

In efforts to cope with my frustrations constructively. I got on the elliptical tonight to use my frustrated energy in a constructive way; as well as to just feel good. Exercise does that for me.

While on the elliptical I came to the realization that I have recently let a few things into my diet that I know don't work well for me. So... there are a few food items I am tossing out tomorrow morning, and a few unopened items I will be donating.

I have a newborn and a chronic disease. I am sleep deprived and I need to be more focused on taking extra special care of me. I am not superhuman - but super sexy, according to my husband (he's standing over me as I type and has forced me to add that last little bit).

What does taking extra special care of me translate into?

• personal daily devotionals,
• good diet,
• solid and consistent exercise,
• sleep,
• asking for help,
• laughing more than once a day,
• and of course, having clean underwear!

In working on taking extra special care of myself, as my body becomes acclimated to a new norm, I need to remember just how blessed I really am. Currently I feel most blessed to have access to a washing machine, dryer, lots of under clothing, and a crazy husband who says I'm super sexy - even as I write a blog post on messing my pants.

I Said the C-Word

Holy crud this is tough! Commitment! It sounds so easy and it's really easy to say it, too. "I'm committed."  This used to be my favorite lie. I now know what it really means to be committed, and I do not say that lightly. 

There's no way I'm going back, either. I know my "why" and I know what it takes. I'm committed to it now. I've won over  (insert weakness here). It is now a non-issue.

I get really concerned when I hear people say these things. I get concerned because they've already tossed out the reality that they are human. Because you are human, you have the potential to err. 

Never underestimate the human ability to be utterly oblivious or in complete denial. There is justification for all things, right? This doesn't mean that you should avoid trying to commit to something, someone, or to change in general. 

The burden to correct behavior is ever more present, especially when you have identified your weaknesses. If you are going to be committed to something, try being committed to being "aware", rather than permitting yourself to flirt with whatever is tantalizing to you.

The reality is, if  there was a problem once, you will most likely be tempted by it again. There's one thing I never doubt, and that's my potential to let pride and weakness creep up on me. Next thing you know commitment waivers. This is where the adage, "old habits die hard" has teeth. 

To me, commitment is to stay as far away from it as possible, as well as to try and stay as close as I can to something positive. In order to do so, I have to strip the habits that usually precede the frequent error. 

I have to change or just understand my perception of what it does for me. I also have to foster progression with whatever or whoever I should stay close to.

Staying away from something isn't always considered avoidance. Sometimes it's actually a very wise thing to do. If you know it's a problem, there's no avoiding that acknowledgement. Understanding that you can't be trusted around that thing is key to learning to live as well as to move beyond it.

What is "it" might you ask? Anything qualifies here, so long as it's a problem where self-control goes out the window. You don't need me to list anything here. 

That thing that's been on your mind during this entire blog entry or the one that just popped in your mind a moment ago; yep, those are what need to be worked on most. Those are "it".

When you are aware, commitment naturally tries to follow. Shoot for awareness and being present; see if a few appetites can't be curbed. 

For me, I've found awareness in asking myself "why?" Why do I want it? What just happened to make my commitment waiver? What's my payoff? Who do I hurt?

I'm tired of being trapped by my actions, or in some cases, inaction. What about you?

I'm Stuck

Have you ever seen a movie, play, or read a book and wish you could rewrite the ending or even just a segment in order to better suit your interpretation?

So here's the thing. I've been mentally deliberating on something I read and the dwelling is over the use of the word "absurd".  For some reason the use just struck a nerve. I loved reading this book but this one line just didn't seem to fit - for me.

Contextually it fits and the usage is right, according to how the author meant to use it. However, it has just not been sitting well with me.

This word use has bothered me so much that my brain has been frustrated. So I thought that maybe if I substituted the word with the one I would select, then maybe I would feel better.

I know this isn't a 'choose your own adventure' kind of reading material, but I'm going to do it anyway.

The line that's bothering me is from the book Still Me by Christopher Reeve, which reads, "Life is more unpredictable - and even more absurd - than any of us can imagine."

I want to switch the word "absurd" with "incongruous". Feel free to voice your opinions.

Don't Hold Your Breath

Have you ever noticed yourself holding your breath? I became very curious about the effects when I was catching myself doing it. I noticed that I used to hold my breath just prior to a panic attack or when I was feeling stressed. 

In order to combat the panic and stress, I decided, I should learn what the impact of holding my breath might be. Here's what I learned in the simplest way I can explain it.

Every function of your body needs energy in order to work. A simple example of this is your muscles. In order for your muscles to contract, they must burn energy to perform that function. The body gets this energy from combining the food you eat with the oxygen you breathe. 

There are a variety of chemical reactions that occur in the body, like feeding the muscles, and the processes require oxygen. When you persistently hold your breath you interrupt and frustrate all those processes. 

Now, I'm not saying that swimmers and musicians, people who frequently hold their breath in order to perform, will have all their systems shut down and die a miserable death. What I am saying is that those who frequently hold their breath without thinking, as a response to stress, are in danger of very many side effects.

Breath holding during food consumption is also common. Generally it's due to eating too fast. Being so focused with the idea of getting food in you quickly, or eating without thought and wondering where it all went... this is not good. Slow down, consider the food. Let your body register the flavors. 

Also, holding your breath while conscious is not really any different than struggling with sleep apnea. In fact, the effects are pretty much the same.

Our bodies need a continuous supply of food and oxygen to maintain energy throughout the day and during performance activities. 

It's kind of like keeping a pleasant camp-side fire going for cooking purposes; not letting it get too feverish or letting it die down too low for the purpose it was created for.

During the night, the campfire slowly becomes barely existent, but still warm and present. If it dies, it still has enough life in it that it's not too tough to rekindle. When you wake up and feed the body at breakfast, you are simply rekindling the energy of the fire (of your body). 

If you take in too much food too quickly, your oxygen intake is off balance for the task ahead. Essentially you have an out of control bonfire and anything could happen. You've little to no control over the effects. In fact, when your body breaks down the food, glucose is created and as your body breaks that down, the result is the creation of carbon dioxide. 

As we've learned from over-abundant environmental studies, too much carbon dioxide can cause damage to your muscles and other body parts. Many other things can happen, but that's as simple as I can get it.

Now, there are times where controlled breathing can be a good thing for the body; like yoga, managing hyperventilation, playing an instrument, swimming. The difference though, is that this is controlled in such a way that there are real benefits to the body, soul, and mind. 

Controlled burns in the environment can be a good thing. But get crazy with it and unobservant, just like with anything else and...well...anything good can become a bad thing if left unchecked.

Holding your breath can quite literally hinder your weight-loss efforts, emotional well being, panic, performance, attitude, blood pressure, metabolism, brain function, alertness, and so forth.

There's a lot more about holding your breath where science and technical jargon would need to be used in order to delve deeper than my surface banter in this blog post. 

I personally have experienced the benefits of conciously changing my unsteady breathing practices. There's so much benefit to bringing consciousness to your breathing habits.

It's important to strive to correct poor breathing habits so that you don't interrupt the goals that you are trying to achieve. Once again, anything good can become a bad thing if left unchecked.