Friday, January 20, 2012

Truth Glows

Many have been surprised to learn that I have struggles beyond Multiple Sclerosis (MS), being a military wife and obesity. These are simply the most obvious tools in which I feel most comfortable in discussing challenges. 

It's because they are the most obvious challenges that they are the least damming of me to admit to, as well as to be the drawing board to say the things that I have to say.

There have been some very dark times in my life and I'm continually surprised when others comment on how things come so easy for me and that I have a "perfect life". 

Some have even said that they feel like I judge them for what they do - because I could never understand the circumstance(s) that they find themselves in. Or that they think I'm judgmental, because everything seemingly comes so easy to me (insert a lot of coughing and hysterical laughing here). Who's judging who?

The reality is that I simply really do care about people in general. I try not to pass judgment. If anything, I feel a great deal of empathy and sympathy. 

I wouldn't wish sadness, darkness, and loss of hope or motivation on anyone; I know because I've been there. 

I believe that one of our biggest challenges in this life, 
is to love ourselves unconditionally. 
To love ourselves the way that we are hoping 
to experience love from another before we die - yet, 
we don't even invest in ourselves this way. 

I have an intense desire to reach out and shake as many people as possible - to let them know that they are worth everything and deserve happiness and joy. 

It's kind of like the poem I posted a while back called Imaginary Villain. We oftentimes create an idea of what we believe others think about us, when it couldn't be further from the truth. Dammit! Why do we do that?

I've found that when you actually believe you are of value, worth more than the bad ways people (or yourself) continually treat you, then your character simply radiates. 

This radiating joy and inner peace just glows. It is this that attracts those in search of light and hope. It is also this same glow that repels others who aren't ready for the hope, the belief... lasting change. 

Joy and happiness are a daily decision and the people that glow have decided; it's just that simple.

I've been enjoying as a means to set up safe guards for myself. Maybe you want to try it out too. I do this because I know how easy it is for me to lose hope; to slide backwards. 

You see, I have a melancholy disposition. I need words of affirmation from myself in order to believe in myself. When we find our truth and embrace it, then it glows for all to see. 

In doing so, others can see that it's possible to attain. It is by this that others find the daring within themselves to try. To me, finding the daring within - to simply try, has come from several sources over the course of my life. I could never say "thank you" enough to those people.

It's been really interesting to know that during some of my darkest hours was when I was actually shining the most for others. People would point this out and I was internally floored, because life at those particular points was downright awful. Why was that? 

This drove me nuts to hear. It's akin to the days that you get a lot of compliments on your appearance, when that was the day you literally rolled out of bed with semi-greasy hair, neglected to brush your teeth and failed to even put on essential underclothes.  

I wonder if it was because during those times of my life, I was working my hardest to be honest; despite what I was facing. I was in survival mode. 

Only a few things really matter when you are in survival mode and it was during those times that I was being humble enough to speak the truth. I was speaking the truth not just to others, but to myself - because nothing else mattered but the truth. 

When the darkness eases up, I'm left barely breathing from the recovery, but still fighting to come out of the shadows. In times past, I've left the dark running full speed ahead, never looking back or learning from the situation. 

Then there have been times when I've left the dark, crawling on all fours and vowing to learn from what I had just came through. I've worked hard to apply what I had just learned from those experiences. I don't like re-learning. So I opt to crawl a lot of the time. 

I doubt myself constantly. I'm trying not to lie to myself anymore. It's a daily battle. But I must move forward and it is the forward motion that is key. 

This is where heroes are made. This is where you become the shining light in the darkness for someone else. Why? Because you are hanging on with all you've got left and others may be secretly hanging on to your coattails. 

They are desperately grasping on to anything that has light - in efforts to be saved. This is the action and face that movies are made of. 

Simply put, I believe that you glow during these times 
because something greater than yourself 
is sustaining you...
and that's the truth!

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